So, now that I have started to explore Hera, to put her in some focus in my mind, I am starting to take notice of a few things. One, the sky is turbulent this time of year, and I often scream at it, internally of course, as i try to make my way to work on a beat up bicycle (I don't drive because of my feelings about pollution and the support of corrupt industries) and yet as I rode my bike through town today and the sky turned bright then grey then bright again, the wind furiously blowing through the city like an high party goer, I was reminded of one of the simplest pleasures in the world; stopping and standing, facing the wind, and feeling it.
It is a remarkable feeling.
But you may ask what this has to do with Hera, after all, Zeus is the storm god, no?
Of course, but the Queen of Heaven opens up ones eyes to several things, including the relationships between things. Sometimes things of like kind, like the genders, but sometimes between disparate things like a man and the wind, the stars in the sky and the puddle of water left over from a rain shower. The connections that bind us all one to the other and to everything else on and around the Earth.
But I think Hera is not really so much interested in whether I see the connections, after all, the connections exist whether I notice them or not, but what am I willing to do on a conscious level to seek out those connections, explore them, and develop a conscious link between my psyche, my consciousness, and the world around me, and especially, other people.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Greetings, my Queen.
Born to the King and Queen of the world.
Child of the greatest heritage.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Young virgin, prim and proper.
By the wiles of young Zeus impressed.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
To the wedding bed were you taken.
One day to become Queen of Heaven.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
In war did you stand.
By his, your husband’s, side.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Against your father.
Against your mother.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
In victory were you enthroned.
In victory did you shine.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
By love were you enthralled.
By love were you betrayed.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Your honor in shreds.
Your anger violent and sharp.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Hera’s glory to bear your wrath.
Hera’s glory to pay the price.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
But kind are you as well.
Forgiving at the end.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Hera’s glory before you.
Hebe’s hand his to have.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Peace and tranquility again restored.
The Queen of Heaven enthroned.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Child of the greatest heritage.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Young virgin, prim and proper.
By the wiles of young Zeus impressed.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
To the wedding bed were you taken.
One day to become Queen of Heaven.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
In war did you stand.
By his, your husband’s, side.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Against your father.
Against your mother.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
In victory were you enthroned.
In victory did you shine.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
By love were you enthralled.
By love were you betrayed.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Your honor in shreds.
Your anger violent and sharp.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Hera’s glory to bear your wrath.
Hera’s glory to pay the price.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
But kind are you as well.
Forgiving at the end.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Hera’s glory before you.
Hebe’s hand his to have.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Peace and tranquility again restored.
The Queen of Heaven enthroned.
Χαιρετισμοί, η βασίλισσά μου.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Hera Mantra continued....
Thanks to Diodoros for the connections.
Κυρία.
Ευλογημένη βασίλισσα.
Κυρία.
Θεϊκή θεά του γάμου.
Κυρία προστάτισσα.
Κυρία εκδικήτρια.
Lady.
Blessed Queen.
Lady.
Heavenly goddess of marriage.
Lady protector.
Lady avenger.
This one actually works better when spoken aloud.
Κυρία.
Ευλογημένη βασίλισσα.
Κυρία.
Θεϊκή θεά του γάμου.
Κυρία προστάτισσα.
Κυρία εκδικήτρια.
Lady.
Blessed Queen.
Lady.
Heavenly goddess of marriage.
Lady protector.
Lady avenger.
This one actually works better when spoken aloud.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Hera Mantra continued...
So, after looking at the Mantra and trying it, I have stumbled a bit because the last line is a bit cumbersome on the tongue.
Κυρία.
Ευλογημένη βασίλισσα.
Θεϊκή θεά του γάμου.
Προστάτης και εκδηκητής.
Lady.
Blessed Queen.
Heavenly Goddess of marriage.
Protector and avenger.
Now, I can pronounce this fine, but that last line is cumbersome. It does not roll off the tongue properly.
I have also taken to repeating Κυρία between each line, and tried changing the final line into two lines:
Κυρία.
Ευλογημένη βασίλισσα.
Κυρία.
Θεϊκή θεά του γάμου.
Κυρία προστάτης.
Κυρία εκδηκητής.
Now, some of you who read my blog may speak Greek, and thus be able to help me see the flaws I do not, since I don't actually speak Greek, though I can pronounce it quite well.
Any help will be appreciated.
Κυρία.
Ευλογημένη βασίλισσα.
Θεϊκή θεά του γάμου.
Προστάτης και εκδηκητής.
Lady.
Blessed Queen.
Heavenly Goddess of marriage.
Protector and avenger.
Now, I can pronounce this fine, but that last line is cumbersome. It does not roll off the tongue properly.
I have also taken to repeating Κυρία between each line, and tried changing the final line into two lines:
Κυρία.
Ευλογημένη βασίλισσα.
Κυρία.
Θεϊκή θεά του γάμου.
Κυρία προστάτης.
Κυρία εκδηκητής.
Now, some of you who read my blog may speak Greek, and thus be able to help me see the flaws I do not, since I don't actually speak Greek, though I can pronounce it quite well.
Any help will be appreciated.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Hera Mantra
I was thinking of a Mantra, something that could be used during meditation, and I came up with this:
Κυρία.
Ευλογημένη Βασίλισσα.
Προστάτευσέ μας.
Καθοδήγησέ μας.
(this was corrected for me by someone who actually speaks Greek)
That reads:
kee REE ah
ehv loh gyee MEH nee vah SEE lee sah
prohs TA tehv SEH mahs
kah thoh DEE gyeeSEH mahs
and it translates to:
Lady.
Blessed Queen.
Protect us
Guide us.
I have a problem with it, though, It reads like a prayer, not a Mantra, because Mantras, in general, are invocations. The words of a Mantra have distinct meanings which are meant to bring the power of those meanings to life in the mind, heart, and soul of the meditator.
To that purpose, then, I want to come up with a Mantra, in Greek, that will accomplish this.
"Κυρία" and "Ευλογημένη Βασίλισσα" work because they invoke aspects of the Goddess Hera, so now I have to find other wprds that can be placed in a context that allows the user to easily meditate while chanting them.
Κυρία.
Ευλογημένη βασίλισσα.
Θεϊκή θεά του γάμου.
Προστάτης και εκδηκητής.
Is more of an invocation, and translates to:
Lady.
Blessed Queen.
Heavenly Goddess of marriage.
Protector and avenger.
I am going to try it tonight.
At this point, I am trying some approaches to establishing my path into the Heraverse, and Apollo still seems to nag me by constantly tossing questions into my head, but I hope to come across just the right methods to honor and seek her power and strength in my life.
Κυρία.
Ευλογημένη Βασίλισσα.
Προστάτευσέ μας.
Καθοδήγησέ μας.
(this was corrected for me by someone who actually speaks Greek)
That reads:
kee REE ah
ehv loh gyee MEH nee vah SEE lee sah
prohs TA tehv SEH mahs
kah thoh DEE gyeeSEH mahs
and it translates to:
Lady.
Blessed Queen.
Protect us
Guide us.
I have a problem with it, though, It reads like a prayer, not a Mantra, because Mantras, in general, are invocations. The words of a Mantra have distinct meanings which are meant to bring the power of those meanings to life in the mind, heart, and soul of the meditator.
To that purpose, then, I want to come up with a Mantra, in Greek, that will accomplish this.
"Κυρία" and "Ευλογημένη Βασίλισσα" work because they invoke aspects of the Goddess Hera, so now I have to find other wprds that can be placed in a context that allows the user to easily meditate while chanting them.
Κυρία.
Ευλογημένη βασίλισσα.
Θεϊκή θεά του γάμου.
Προστάτης και εκδηκητής.
Is more of an invocation, and translates to:
Lady.
Blessed Queen.
Heavenly Goddess of marriage.
Protector and avenger.
I am going to try it tonight.
At this point, I am trying some approaches to establishing my path into the Heraverse, and Apollo still seems to nag me by constantly tossing questions into my head, but I hope to come across just the right methods to honor and seek her power and strength in my life.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
To Hera
O Pais
Girl child of Kronos
Laughing and dancing to the rhythm of the Earth
Girl child of Kronos
Laughing and dancing to the rhythm of the Earth
O Autorote
Virgin girl blessed with beauty
Adorned to allure, yet always untouched
O Nymphomene
Betrothed Lady
Awaiting your moment at last.
O Gamelia
In love you are bound
With love you persevere
O Telea
Grown to your full bloom
Mistress of all you survey
O Hypercheiria
Your hand risen high
The skies moving at your will
O Basilina
Queen of Heaven and Earth
Of the golden throne of Olympus
O Autorote and Zygia
O Hera of the Cow Eyes
Blessed may you be, now and forever.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Hera
Before I can proceed, I must make a clear distinction between the various forms that Hera seems to take in our religion. Hera is, in myth, the daughter of Kronos and Rhea, the Titan rulers of the Cosmos. Among her siblings she counts Zeus, who would become King of Heaven, the Cosmos, and of Gods and Men. He would also become her husband, making her the Queen of Heaven, of Gods and Men, and of mighty Olympus itself.
Hera has a variety of aspects in the mythic cycles, and these are maiden, as the young goddess who fights the Titans along with the other children of Kronos and Rhea she is warrior, as wife of Zeus is is goddess of marriage, as goddess of marriage she is goddess of vows, queen, and avenger. She is also, through proxy, a goddess of childbirth and of child rearing, though these are aspects we rarely see in myth except when she is seen as the demented tormentor of Herakles, the crippler of Hephaestos, or the indifferent mother of Ares.
The myths reflect, only slightly, the nature of this Goddess, but it does point into some directions that I have always taken to be pointers rather than actual paths. My distinct understanding of Hera is only somewhat based on her myths, but more based on the truth that Hera, among the Goddesses of Greece, was one of the most revered and most widely worshipped in all of Hellas. Only Athena is likely to have had more wide spread worship.
Maybe I am naive, but I don't think her cults, her temples, and her power among the people of Greece would ever have been so vast if she were truly the vile shrew that she is often said to be in the myths.
The Maiden Hera:
In the myths, Hera has a daughter named Hebe. In many ways, Hebe is really little more than a young replica of Hera herself, and in my opinion, Hebe and Hera are the same deity in different aspects. In my worship, Hebe is placed on her altar as a reminder of her purity, as virgin or maiden, though the myths do say that Hebe is eventually united with Heracles as his wife, but more on this later.
The Matronly Hera:
Hera as wife and as woman in full bloom is the Goddess in her most fully manifest form. In this form the goddess is avenger of wrongs, keeper of oaths and vows, punisher of evils, and goddess of woman as keeper of the home (note, this does not mean housekeeper). In this aspect, I see Hera as a protector of the home in a similar way as Hestia, but not in the sense that our homes are her home the way one can see Hestia.
Hera the Queen:
Hera is Queen of Heaven. As Juno, the Romans saw her as one of the triumvirate of gods who were highest in the land, with Jupiter and Minerva, and among the Greeks she was Matron Goddess of cities, and protector of civilization. In my worship, this aspect of Hera is roughly the equivalent of the worship of Mary as Queen of Heaven, but unlike Mary, who is subject to God and who has no power without God, Hera is a Goddess, powerful and fully realized, and not really requiring any God, even the King of Heaven, to make her own will known. Hers is not the subservient will of Zeus, it is her own.
Hera Polias:
Like Athena, Hera was a goddess of the people, of the cities, and of civilization that these cities were bringing into being. As such she was the protector of cities, inspirer of heroes, and the punisher of the crimes man commits against their own interests (like crimes against their wives and children.) In my worship, this aspect of the goddess takes second seat to Athena Polias, but I often consider them both when I meditate on such divine forms.
This is the beginning for me of an exploration of what I know, may not know, and what the goddess herself may choose to throw at me. Hera can be harsh, a goddess of such power would almost have to be, and I hope I am up to the tasks ahead of me.
Yesterday, before I lit the altar of Hera the protector that sits at my front door, I took it apart and cleaned it. I cleaned off the statue of Hebe, the decorations to give the altar beauty, and added salt to the canister in which I will be burning incense daily to the goddess. I prayed to her and asked for her guidance and protection, and having bought special incense for her, I lit it and the candle I bought for her, and began my journey.
Wish me luck!
Hera has a variety of aspects in the mythic cycles, and these are maiden, as the young goddess who fights the Titans along with the other children of Kronos and Rhea she is warrior, as wife of Zeus is is goddess of marriage, as goddess of marriage she is goddess of vows, queen, and avenger. She is also, through proxy, a goddess of childbirth and of child rearing, though these are aspects we rarely see in myth except when she is seen as the demented tormentor of Herakles, the crippler of Hephaestos, or the indifferent mother of Ares.
The myths reflect, only slightly, the nature of this Goddess, but it does point into some directions that I have always taken to be pointers rather than actual paths. My distinct understanding of Hera is only somewhat based on her myths, but more based on the truth that Hera, among the Goddesses of Greece, was one of the most revered and most widely worshipped in all of Hellas. Only Athena is likely to have had more wide spread worship.
Maybe I am naive, but I don't think her cults, her temples, and her power among the people of Greece would ever have been so vast if she were truly the vile shrew that she is often said to be in the myths.
The Maiden Hera:
In the myths, Hera has a daughter named Hebe. In many ways, Hebe is really little more than a young replica of Hera herself, and in my opinion, Hebe and Hera are the same deity in different aspects. In my worship, Hebe is placed on her altar as a reminder of her purity, as virgin or maiden, though the myths do say that Hebe is eventually united with Heracles as his wife, but more on this later.
The Matronly Hera:
Hera as wife and as woman in full bloom is the Goddess in her most fully manifest form. In this form the goddess is avenger of wrongs, keeper of oaths and vows, punisher of evils, and goddess of woman as keeper of the home (note, this does not mean housekeeper). In this aspect, I see Hera as a protector of the home in a similar way as Hestia, but not in the sense that our homes are her home the way one can see Hestia.
Hera the Queen:
Hera is Queen of Heaven. As Juno, the Romans saw her as one of the triumvirate of gods who were highest in the land, with Jupiter and Minerva, and among the Greeks she was Matron Goddess of cities, and protector of civilization. In my worship, this aspect of Hera is roughly the equivalent of the worship of Mary as Queen of Heaven, but unlike Mary, who is subject to God and who has no power without God, Hera is a Goddess, powerful and fully realized, and not really requiring any God, even the King of Heaven, to make her own will known. Hers is not the subservient will of Zeus, it is her own.
Hera Polias:
Like Athena, Hera was a goddess of the people, of the cities, and of civilization that these cities were bringing into being. As such she was the protector of cities, inspirer of heroes, and the punisher of the crimes man commits against their own interests (like crimes against their wives and children.) In my worship, this aspect of the goddess takes second seat to Athena Polias, but I often consider them both when I meditate on such divine forms.
This is the beginning for me of an exploration of what I know, may not know, and what the goddess herself may choose to throw at me. Hera can be harsh, a goddess of such power would almost have to be, and I hope I am up to the tasks ahead of me.
Yesterday, before I lit the altar of Hera the protector that sits at my front door, I took it apart and cleaned it. I cleaned off the statue of Hebe, the decorations to give the altar beauty, and added salt to the canister in which I will be burning incense daily to the goddess. I prayed to her and asked for her guidance and protection, and having bought special incense for her, I lit it and the candle I bought for her, and began my journey.
Wish me luck!
Monday, February 4, 2008
Preparations...
The time has come, I am full of questions, and now I must prepare for more, and maybe an answer or two. But I must also prepare the altar, because Hera, the Goddess who is next on the path, has her own altar in my home. I must buy new candles, do a thorough cleaning and rededication ceremony which I can detail here, though they are very simple for me.
I must also prepare myself to deal with what happened to my most recent relationship. How I may have contributed to its falling apart, and how much I saw from the beginning but was willing to overlook in order to remain with him.
Hera always scares me a little bit, and I must face her now...
I must also prepare myself to deal with what happened to my most recent relationship. How I may have contributed to its falling apart, and how much I saw from the beginning but was willing to overlook in order to remain with him.
Hera always scares me a little bit, and I must face her now...
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Moving on...
So, my time with Apollo has been a bit difficult, but I do think it was productive.
I struggled with him, perhaps battled with him a bit, but in the end he proved himself to be what many of you already know he is, a god of questions.
What?
Well, the God requires us to know ourselves, doesn't he? What better way to do that than through the asking of questions and paying close attention to our own responses to them?
So, I bid a fond adieu to Apollo on this journey and move ahead.
I struggled with him, perhaps battled with him a bit, but in the end he proved himself to be what many of you already know he is, a god of questions.
What?
Well, the God requires us to know ourselves, doesn't he? What better way to do that than through the asking of questions and paying close attention to our own responses to them?
So, I bid a fond adieu to Apollo on this journey and move ahead.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The Divination...
So, I said I was going to ask the God, Apollo, some questions and sought to get answers through the drawing of cards. The method was simple, I ask a question and draw two cards. If the first drawn card is higher than the second, the answer is in the affirmative, if the second one is higher it is in the negative.
I asked a few questions, they pertained to this endeavor, and the main questions I asked were as follows:
Allow me to clear up a few things.
When I asked about my family and got a negative answer, I proceeded to ask about the individual members of my family. My sister, whose initial I used here, was the only one that came up in the negative. When I left CT after New Years to come back home, I was a little worried about her, and I think my worry was not unfounded.
When I asked about moving, I did so after asking if my life in Dayton was going to improve over the next year. I was surprised that Columbus was met with a negative, as it is an ideal place for me at this point, but I will have to give it much thought. Asking about moving back to CT was as a way that, perhaps, my presence could be of help to my sister, and the answer in the affirmative surprised me because there is no way I can afford to live in Connecticut any more. New England has simply become an elitist ground for the rich, where once it was possible for someone like me to live there, it has become impossible for me to live, alone and unhindered, in that area any more.
I did ask one more question, and the answer made me smile, but I will keep that one to myself...
I asked a few questions, they pertained to this endeavor, and the main questions I asked were as follows:
Question: Answer: Is my name Jaime? No Is my name Eric? No Is my name Hector? Yes Am I correct in moving on to the next God? No Should I hold off another week? Yes Another Month? No Is my family doing ok? No Is my sister A ok? No Will I be of help to her? Yes Should I pay another visit? No Should I move back? Yes
Allow me to clear up a few things.
When I asked about my family and got a negative answer, I proceeded to ask about the individual members of my family. My sister, whose initial I used here, was the only one that came up in the negative. When I left CT after New Years to come back home, I was a little worried about her, and I think my worry was not unfounded.
When I asked about moving, I did so after asking if my life in Dayton was going to improve over the next year. I was surprised that Columbus was met with a negative, as it is an ideal place for me at this point, but I will have to give it much thought. Asking about moving back to CT was as a way that, perhaps, my presence could be of help to my sister, and the answer in the affirmative surprised me because there is no way I can afford to live in Connecticut any more. New England has simply become an elitist ground for the rich, where once it was possible for someone like me to live there, it has become impossible for me to live, alone and unhindered, in that area any more.
I did ask one more question, and the answer made me smile, but I will keep that one to myself...
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Reflections
So, where am I so far? Have I come even close to understanding how Apollo s supposed to help me at this point? Am I even being presumptuous to assume he would help me? Am I looking in the right directions and with the right questions in my heart? Is there ever really a way to know that until after the fact?
I have always been against the idea of prophecy. I tend to consider it stupid. We have to live in the here and now and make decisions to create tomorrow, attempts to know tomorrow are, in my opinion, a delusion in which we seek to relieve ourselves of the responsibilities of our own decisions. As fucked up as I am, I tend to think that I am in this sense responsible enough to know that I cannot relieve myself of those responsibilities.
But what of a guiding hand? Is it wrong to seek out a little guidance from heaven?
In answer to this I have decided that it may be time to move away from Apollo and proceed to the next step, that perhaps the way the God has decided to help me is by forcing myself to ask questions I cannot really answer and thus realize that I am not as in control as I like to think I am. That in the end, the lesson he had to teach me was a simple slap down.
I have, however, decided to take some time today to ask him a couple of questions. Questions that I hope he can answer through the simple drawing of cards. The method is simple. One pack of ordinary playing cards. Two cards per question. You ask the question and draw two cards, if the first card drawn is higher than the second, the answer is yes or in the affirmative/positive. If the second card drawn is higher, the answer is no or in the negative.
I will try this after I do some meditation today, and I will post details about the questions and answers.
I have always been against the idea of prophecy. I tend to consider it stupid. We have to live in the here and now and make decisions to create tomorrow, attempts to know tomorrow are, in my opinion, a delusion in which we seek to relieve ourselves of the responsibilities of our own decisions. As fucked up as I am, I tend to think that I am in this sense responsible enough to know that I cannot relieve myself of those responsibilities.
But what of a guiding hand? Is it wrong to seek out a little guidance from heaven?
In answer to this I have decided that it may be time to move away from Apollo and proceed to the next step, that perhaps the way the God has decided to help me is by forcing myself to ask questions I cannot really answer and thus realize that I am not as in control as I like to think I am. That in the end, the lesson he had to teach me was a simple slap down.
I have, however, decided to take some time today to ask him a couple of questions. Questions that I hope he can answer through the simple drawing of cards. The method is simple. One pack of ordinary playing cards. Two cards per question. You ask the question and draw two cards, if the first card drawn is higher than the second, the answer is yes or in the affirmative/positive. If the second card drawn is higher, the answer is no or in the negative.
I will try this after I do some meditation today, and I will post details about the questions and answers.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The Emotional Void: More on selfishnes and naivete
If I am selfish, then I am also a bit naive. In my work I am often called upon to do favors for my bosses only to then be screwed out of hours, money, and other things that having a job is supposed to help one attain. Others, who selfishly guard their positions by not doing the favors necessary to keep the place running seem to be doing just fine, they keep their hours, their pay, their benefits.
Is a certain level of selfishness something I am going to have to foster in myself in order to get the things I need out of life? And if one level of selfishness is OK, why is another so obviously wrong?
The answers seem clear, but I have to ask myself, am I being naive in thinking that if I lower myself to the same selfish level as my co-workers do I not become them? And, do I want to do that? Become the people I have until now considered part of a greater problem.
Does being selfish in one aspect of my life cause me to overcompensate and become a floor mat in another? Would simply switching where I am selfish be the answer, or is this a means by which the God is telling me I need to remove my ego, my selfishness, and my self centered needs out of the equation.
The Delphic Maxim which reads "γνωθι σεαυτόν", which translates as "know yourself" is generally thought of as an Apollonian kind of precept, and as such I have to consider if this is all he is saying to me right now. Know myself before I am so presumptuous as to think I can know him.
Is a certain level of selfishness something I am going to have to foster in myself in order to get the things I need out of life? And if one level of selfishness is OK, why is another so obviously wrong?
The answers seem clear, but I have to ask myself, am I being naive in thinking that if I lower myself to the same selfish level as my co-workers do I not become them? And, do I want to do that? Become the people I have until now considered part of a greater problem.
Does being selfish in one aspect of my life cause me to overcompensate and become a floor mat in another? Would simply switching where I am selfish be the answer, or is this a means by which the God is telling me I need to remove my ego, my selfishness, and my self centered needs out of the equation.
The Delphic Maxim which reads "γνωθι σεαυτόν", which translates as "know yourself" is generally thought of as an Apollonian kind of precept, and as such I have to consider if this is all he is saying to me right now. Know myself before I am so presumptuous as to think I can know him.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The Emotional Void: Selfishness
Am I selfish?
It is a question that has to naturally arise for me as I explore Apollo, because Apollo forces you to look at yourself as if through his eyes, and looking at yourself through the objective eyes of a God is not a pleasant thing. We are, all of us, selfish and rude and obnoxious at some levels of our being. Our inner child demands lots of attention, is self centered, and it wants, incessantly. It is our job as people to help balance the needs of that inner child with the reality of what is available, wise, and not hurtful to others.
But am I selfish on more than just a core instinctive level?
The answer I got was yes, and that is really bothering me. What do I give back, to the world around me, to pagans, to my fellow Hellenistoi, to my city and nation?
On some levels, I have made of myself a sacrifice, and have been belittled for it, laughed at, because I have always chosen a life that was rather spartan (in the modern sense of the word) by not driving, riding a bike, trying to use as little paper as possible, etc. I feel that I give back to our divine mother by doing as little as I can to damage the world she gave us as a trust, not a gift.
But do I give back to the Gods and my communities in other ways?
I have tried, of course, and money to several organizations has in the past been a source of pride, but as it has become harder and harder to make a living out here I have had to stop doing that, and part of me really regrets that.
I have kept myself rather distant from the Pagan community, part of it is the fact that I am a little agoraphobic, but a lot of it has to do with a sense of apathy toward the whole neo-pagan movement. It's too bad I feel that way, because some of the nicest people I have met have been these same neo-pagans.
But aside from those things which mark me more as anti-social or maybe even a little neurotic, at what other levels am I selfish?
Am I selfish with my feelings? Am I selfish with regard to my friends? Am I selfish in my dealings with my family, which prompted this exploration in the first place, because I expect them to somehow bring out something in me that may not be there to begin with, or which I keep hidden?
Questions, questions, and more friggin questions.
It is a question that has to naturally arise for me as I explore Apollo, because Apollo forces you to look at yourself as if through his eyes, and looking at yourself through the objective eyes of a God is not a pleasant thing. We are, all of us, selfish and rude and obnoxious at some levels of our being. Our inner child demands lots of attention, is self centered, and it wants, incessantly. It is our job as people to help balance the needs of that inner child with the reality of what is available, wise, and not hurtful to others.
But am I selfish on more than just a core instinctive level?
The answer I got was yes, and that is really bothering me. What do I give back, to the world around me, to pagans, to my fellow Hellenistoi, to my city and nation?
On some levels, I have made of myself a sacrifice, and have been belittled for it, laughed at, because I have always chosen a life that was rather spartan (in the modern sense of the word) by not driving, riding a bike, trying to use as little paper as possible, etc. I feel that I give back to our divine mother by doing as little as I can to damage the world she gave us as a trust, not a gift.
But do I give back to the Gods and my communities in other ways?
I have tried, of course, and money to several organizations has in the past been a source of pride, but as it has become harder and harder to make a living out here I have had to stop doing that, and part of me really regrets that.
I have kept myself rather distant from the Pagan community, part of it is the fact that I am a little agoraphobic, but a lot of it has to do with a sense of apathy toward the whole neo-pagan movement. It's too bad I feel that way, because some of the nicest people I have met have been these same neo-pagans.
But aside from those things which mark me more as anti-social or maybe even a little neurotic, at what other levels am I selfish?
Am I selfish with my feelings? Am I selfish with regard to my friends? Am I selfish in my dealings with my family, which prompted this exploration in the first place, because I expect them to somehow bring out something in me that may not be there to begin with, or which I keep hidden?
Questions, questions, and more friggin questions.
Friday, January 11, 2008
The emotional void
Society, and the hispanic macho culture, teach men to be cold. We are supposed to be stone cold when it comes to things like crying and feeling vulnerable, but that is the very thing that damages us. That is the very thing that encourages such negative things as homophobia and misogyny. Being gay, of course, means that I have learned to move beyond that macho culture in many ways, being American means I have learned to see women as my equals in most things. Matters of distinction are not about misogyny but about understanding the differences between us and not placing value judgments on them. Thus, men being physically stronger than women on the average is not a better thing, just a different thing about us as people.
But the way the macho culture took hold in me as a child, that most influential of periods being spent in a hispanic land rather than an anglo one, has left me with something of a problem. An emotional void that makes it difficult for me to connect with people on a very close or intimate level.
Don't get me wrong, I love. I have been in love and have lost that love, and in the last few years in particular I have allowed myself a greater freedom to express those feelings. But in general, I am quite distanced from my feelings, so much so that I can clearly interact with people in emotional distress and not feel the least bit moved by their plight. I can see things of evil and not feel touched by it at all.
That is not a good thing.
So here I am, facing Apollo and feeling so very confused about how I am supposed to approach him. Is my emotional distance something the God disapproves of or is this the lesson he is trying to force me to understand? It is impossible to know for sure except that I have to take it on faith that whatever lessons I am supposed to learn I will, and hope they are the right ones.
I hope to post again later today after I have given some thought to Apollo as both healer and destroyer on an emotional level.
But the way the macho culture took hold in me as a child, that most influential of periods being spent in a hispanic land rather than an anglo one, has left me with something of a problem. An emotional void that makes it difficult for me to connect with people on a very close or intimate level.
Don't get me wrong, I love. I have been in love and have lost that love, and in the last few years in particular I have allowed myself a greater freedom to express those feelings. But in general, I am quite distanced from my feelings, so much so that I can clearly interact with people in emotional distress and not feel the least bit moved by their plight. I can see things of evil and not feel touched by it at all.
That is not a good thing.
So here I am, facing Apollo and feeling so very confused about how I am supposed to approach him. Is my emotional distance something the God disapproves of or is this the lesson he is trying to force me to understand? It is impossible to know for sure except that I have to take it on faith that whatever lessons I am supposed to learn I will, and hope they are the right ones.
I hope to post again later today after I have given some thought to Apollo as both healer and destroyer on an emotional level.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Happy New Year
I just got back from a vacation in Connecticut where I visited my family for the New Year. There is not much to say about it, it is family and that entails all of the regular family issues plus some of the issues that are unique to my family and myself which we will discuss a little bit.
Apollo is not a God who is usually perceived as holding much by way of influence on family matters, but that is because most people look at the surfce of things and tend to ignore the deep ocean of feeling and thought that accompany their familial connections.
I will give an example.
Apollo, as a God not as a mythic figure, is an influence in all parts of our lives. Like Athena, he has a special place in the scheme of things that forms the background of the totality. Thought and civility, like wisdom, are not things you do and then stop, they are things that accompany your every movement, thought, and emotion. They are the foundations of the emotional and intellectual life you build as you live. Thus when considering Apollo and the family connection there is much that he has influence in.
Before heading out to Connecticut to see my family I was excited to see them. I wanted to go, but once I got there and saw them I was done. I really wanted to leave, to get out of there, but had four days to just stew in my misery.
Why misery?
Well, it is me, not them. I am a very different person from my family. We have so little in common, and I am also a bit of a neurotic mess when it comes to being around others, including them, and I simply cannot find that connection to them that I think I should have, making it difficult. Yet, on the airplane heading home I was touched by a sense of loss at not seeing them again for what could be a year or more.
It is like my mind misses them but then can't stand to be near them all at the same time. I understand the missing them, but what about the not liking to be with them? What does that mean, and how do I let the fact that I am trying to connect to Apollo during this time influence how I proceed?
I think there is a lesson there, and that lesson is that I am allowing that part of me that is coldly intellectual, that thinks things through, too much control over my feelings. Oh, there are other reasons why I dislike being around them, I always feel like an alien around them, but the fact that I am cold inside with regard to my feelings would make it impossible for me to enjoy them anyway.
But how do I do that? How do I let Apollo's moderating influence exist in me while at the same time letting Dionysos' chaotic emotional roller coaster take me for a ride some times?
If you have suggestions, please, I want to hear them.
Happy New Year
Apollo is not a God who is usually perceived as holding much by way of influence on family matters, but that is because most people look at the surfce of things and tend to ignore the deep ocean of feeling and thought that accompany their familial connections.
I will give an example.
Apollo, as a God not as a mythic figure, is an influence in all parts of our lives. Like Athena, he has a special place in the scheme of things that forms the background of the totality. Thought and civility, like wisdom, are not things you do and then stop, they are things that accompany your every movement, thought, and emotion. They are the foundations of the emotional and intellectual life you build as you live. Thus when considering Apollo and the family connection there is much that he has influence in.
Before heading out to Connecticut to see my family I was excited to see them. I wanted to go, but once I got there and saw them I was done. I really wanted to leave, to get out of there, but had four days to just stew in my misery.
Why misery?
Well, it is me, not them. I am a very different person from my family. We have so little in common, and I am also a bit of a neurotic mess when it comes to being around others, including them, and I simply cannot find that connection to them that I think I should have, making it difficult. Yet, on the airplane heading home I was touched by a sense of loss at not seeing them again for what could be a year or more.
It is like my mind misses them but then can't stand to be near them all at the same time. I understand the missing them, but what about the not liking to be with them? What does that mean, and how do I let the fact that I am trying to connect to Apollo during this time influence how I proceed?
I think there is a lesson there, and that lesson is that I am allowing that part of me that is coldly intellectual, that thinks things through, too much control over my feelings. Oh, there are other reasons why I dislike being around them, I always feel like an alien around them, but the fact that I am cold inside with regard to my feelings would make it impossible for me to enjoy them anyway.
But how do I do that? How do I let Apollo's moderating influence exist in me while at the same time letting Dionysos' chaotic emotional roller coaster take me for a ride some times?
If you have suggestions, please, I want to hear them.
Happy New Year
Friday, December 28, 2007
OK, time for a bit of a reboot...
So, the last time I posted before Iliouyenna, I had come to the realization that I had erred in my approach to Apollo. Now, I am still not sure, not 100%, of why my approach is bad but it is, and the God has made his displeasure known. That I have been moving in too book nerdy a way that seeks to understand this God through the epithets laid upon him by the Ancient Greeks is clear, but I have always used this approach to understand the Gods. I have always used this as a means to move deeper into how they affect me, but maybe where I have gone wrong here is in misunderstanding the way this God is more akin to Dionysos that I thought.
What do I mean by this?
Well, Dionysos is a God of extremes, and as a result he is a God who hits us through our emotions, and because it is Dionysos, we expect it. But with Apollo I think I have always seen him as a God that was more "of the head" or more intellectual. Yet intellect, in the end, is just another one of our natural processes, and thought, like emotion, is very spontaneous, even mysterious in its origins and purposes sometimes.
If Dionysos is the God of the rampant emotions like various forms of lust and emotional discord, then Apollo is a God whose power lies, in so far as we go, in the ultimate control of one rampant and chaotic process reining in another in our minds. Yet that control can also come at a price, and that price can be the loss of connection between our minds and our emotions.
How do we understand love if we force ourselves to control the base emotion at the core of love? How do we come to an understanding of fear if we try so hard to understand it that we fail to feel it properly and in its proper context? How do we understand the Gods themselves if we cannot let go and feel them in the raw?
So Apollo, a God who is often presented as lusty himself in the mythos, must never be understood as a God of control, but rather as a god of moderation. One may imagine this as being basically the same thing, but there is a subtle difference, and understanding Apollo means understanding that.
Now the question remains, do I really understand that distinction? And if I do, am I capable of putting that into practice in my life in such a way that I learn the lesson the God is seeking to teach me?
What do I mean by this?
Well, Dionysos is a God of extremes, and as a result he is a God who hits us through our emotions, and because it is Dionysos, we expect it. But with Apollo I think I have always seen him as a God that was more "of the head" or more intellectual. Yet intellect, in the end, is just another one of our natural processes, and thought, like emotion, is very spontaneous, even mysterious in its origins and purposes sometimes.
If Dionysos is the God of the rampant emotions like various forms of lust and emotional discord, then Apollo is a God whose power lies, in so far as we go, in the ultimate control of one rampant and chaotic process reining in another in our minds. Yet that control can also come at a price, and that price can be the loss of connection between our minds and our emotions.
How do we understand love if we force ourselves to control the base emotion at the core of love? How do we come to an understanding of fear if we try so hard to understand it that we fail to feel it properly and in its proper context? How do we understand the Gods themselves if we cannot let go and feel them in the raw?
So Apollo, a God who is often presented as lusty himself in the mythos, must never be understood as a God of control, but rather as a god of moderation. One may imagine this as being basically the same thing, but there is a subtle difference, and understanding Apollo means understanding that.
Now the question remains, do I really understand that distinction? And if I do, am I capable of putting that into practice in my life in such a way that I learn the lesson the God is seeking to teach me?
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Taking a break...
I am taking a little break to celebrate Heliogenna this year. For me it is a solitary experiment this year, though I did get a few non-pagans interested in the concept of a Winter commemoration and celebration, and they did seem like they might give some of it a try.
I'll be back, as our favorite Austrian politician was once fond of saying.
Happy Holidays, whatever holidays you may be celebrating at the moment.
I'll be back, as our favorite Austrian politician was once fond of saying.
Happy Holidays, whatever holidays you may be celebrating at the moment.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
I have erred...
In taking on this project, I decided that part o the reason for it was to open myself up to the Gods themselves so that they guide me while at the same time I explore how I have come to interpret the Gods.
But I have erred horribly with Apollo, and I am paying for it.
Let me explain. I asked the God to teach me, to help me, to guide me, and in so doing I had couple of dreams, nightmares, and other moments of extreme imagination that prevented me from sleeping. But I have lost myself in trying to understand Apollo through his epithets and lost my way, and I think Apollo has punished me. I have become very ill in the last couple of weeks. First it was a little shortness of breath, then a horrible allergic reaction to my boyfriend's cats (I helped him move and the dust kicked up by all the moving and the cats caused a horrible allergic reaction in spite of allergy meds) which triggered an asthma attack which caused a build up of fluids in my lungs that almost became a pneumonia.
So, O.K., am I scared yet? Absolutely. But other things have happened in the last couple of months. I met a man I am falling in love with. Whether he feels the same is something that may or may not happen in time, but for now we are exploring each other and the feelings we have. I have come to a better understanding of how to manage my current illness, something I have never been good at. And just this week, my best friend in all the world, who I have not seen in almost three years, has moved back into town and left a message for me.
Apollo struck at me hard with a poison arrow, and in doing so is forcing me to look at the things in my life that have true value to me, like friends who care, friends I have allowed to fall out of my life who I should never have allowed to do so. Love and how it affects me, and he is forcing me to face the frailty of my mortality by smacking me down.
I have always had a bit of an overly bright view of the Gods. Usually seeing them in their lighter aspects far more than in their darker, harsher aspects, and Apollo, the God of light, civility, and art is teaching me that I need to be careful with doing that because it is causing me to overlook important lessons the Gods may send my way through adversity.
But I have erred horribly with Apollo, and I am paying for it.
Let me explain. I asked the God to teach me, to help me, to guide me, and in so doing I had couple of dreams, nightmares, and other moments of extreme imagination that prevented me from sleeping. But I have lost myself in trying to understand Apollo through his epithets and lost my way, and I think Apollo has punished me. I have become very ill in the last couple of weeks. First it was a little shortness of breath, then a horrible allergic reaction to my boyfriend's cats (I helped him move and the dust kicked up by all the moving and the cats caused a horrible allergic reaction in spite of allergy meds) which triggered an asthma attack which caused a build up of fluids in my lungs that almost became a pneumonia.
So, O.K., am I scared yet? Absolutely. But other things have happened in the last couple of months. I met a man I am falling in love with. Whether he feels the same is something that may or may not happen in time, but for now we are exploring each other and the feelings we have. I have come to a better understanding of how to manage my current illness, something I have never been good at. And just this week, my best friend in all the world, who I have not seen in almost three years, has moved back into town and left a message for me.
Apollo struck at me hard with a poison arrow, and in doing so is forcing me to look at the things in my life that have true value to me, like friends who care, friends I have allowed to fall out of my life who I should never have allowed to do so. Love and how it affects me, and he is forcing me to face the frailty of my mortality by smacking me down.
I have always had a bit of an overly bright view of the Gods. Usually seeing them in their lighter aspects far more than in their darker, harsher aspects, and Apollo, the God of light, civility, and art is teaching me that I need to be careful with doing that because it is causing me to overlook important lessons the Gods may send my way through adversity.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
And so...
We come to an aspect of Apollon that I have never quite gotten.
On an intellectual level I get it. All Gods, at lest in the mythos, hold within them their own opposition. They are both light and dark, good and bad (not in the evil sense), masculine and feminine, etc. Apollo, as the great hunter God, is also the wolf God. He is both hunter and prey. In this sense, Apollo is very familiar to me in this sense because he is very much all the other Gods.
It is the specific aspect of Lykeios, the Wolf-Slayer, that I am often at odds with because while the title implies a hunter, which Apollo clearly is, the association with the wolf is not simply secondary, but also primary. In many ways, Apollo is the wolf as much as he is the hunter that slays the wolf.
In modern times we may see this aspect of Apollo in fuzzy eco-friendly ways. Protecting the wolf, for example, would seem to fall as part of the potential activities to participate in in honor of Apollo. But in ancient times, the wolf could be a very real threat to man kind. Much higher population of wolves and a much smaller population of human beings and you can see the potential problem. Add to this that in order to become civilized man had to be a farmer and cattle wrangler (yeeee-haw) and the wolf was a danger to the herds of the Greeks as they were, and often still are, to almost all cultures.
As a god of cities, of civilization, Apollo would have had to take on a role as destroyer of wolves even as he was himself very much a wolf by nature.
According to some sources, Latona, the mother of Apollo, was identified with a bitch-wolf, and in many ways, Apollo here is destroyer of his own mother (Latona is another name for Leto) and as a hunter, he, Leto, and Artemis all take on forms of the very beasts they destroy.
I said that this is an aspect of Apollo, Lykeios, that I don't quite get, and then go on to give rational explanations for it, thus contradicting myself. But, what I don't actually get is the wolf thing itself. I have a great imagination. I can picture amazing things in my head, come up with varied and complex stories in my mind, and I can imagine sex of which your mama would have been very ashamed, but this is a point at which my imagination always fails me. My ability to imagine myself as a wolf, as a wild beast in the woods, is very limited, and as a result I am a bit lost sometimes with regard to this specific aspect of the God.
On an intellectual level I get it. All Gods, at lest in the mythos, hold within them their own opposition. They are both light and dark, good and bad (not in the evil sense), masculine and feminine, etc. Apollo, as the great hunter God, is also the wolf God. He is both hunter and prey. In this sense, Apollo is very familiar to me in this sense because he is very much all the other Gods.
It is the specific aspect of Lykeios, the Wolf-Slayer, that I am often at odds with because while the title implies a hunter, which Apollo clearly is, the association with the wolf is not simply secondary, but also primary. In many ways, Apollo is the wolf as much as he is the hunter that slays the wolf.
In modern times we may see this aspect of Apollo in fuzzy eco-friendly ways. Protecting the wolf, for example, would seem to fall as part of the potential activities to participate in in honor of Apollo. But in ancient times, the wolf could be a very real threat to man kind. Much higher population of wolves and a much smaller population of human beings and you can see the potential problem. Add to this that in order to become civilized man had to be a farmer and cattle wrangler (yeeee-haw) and the wolf was a danger to the herds of the Greeks as they were, and often still are, to almost all cultures.
As a god of cities, of civilization, Apollo would have had to take on a role as destroyer of wolves even as he was himself very much a wolf by nature.
According to some sources, Latona, the mother of Apollo, was identified with a bitch-wolf, and in many ways, Apollo here is destroyer of his own mother (Latona is another name for Leto) and as a hunter, he, Leto, and Artemis all take on forms of the very beasts they destroy.
I said that this is an aspect of Apollo, Lykeios, that I don't quite get, and then go on to give rational explanations for it, thus contradicting myself. But, what I don't actually get is the wolf thing itself. I have a great imagination. I can picture amazing things in my head, come up with varied and complex stories in my mind, and I can imagine sex of which your mama would have been very ashamed, but this is a point at which my imagination always fails me. My ability to imagine myself as a wolf, as a wild beast in the woods, is very limited, and as a result I am a bit lost sometimes with regard to this specific aspect of the God.
Monday, December 3, 2007
The light of...
You are the light of reason
The wise son of Zeus
Beautiful ad everlasting
You are the light of civility
The sure footed son of Leto
Lover of women, fair and sweet
You are the light of restraint
The brilliant brother of Artemis
Feller of the beasts of the wood
You are the light of the city
The loving father of Asklepios
Lover of men, young and strong
You are the light of the healer’s art
The dark son of Zeus
Bringer of pestilence and death
You are the light of hope
The heavenly son of Leto
Purifier of sins and evil in the hearts of men
The wise son of Zeus
Beautiful ad everlasting
You are the light of civility
The sure footed son of Leto
Lover of women, fair and sweet
You are the light of restraint
The brilliant brother of Artemis
Feller of the beasts of the wood
You are the light of the city
The loving father of Asklepios
Lover of men, young and strong
You are the light of the healer’s art
The dark son of Zeus
Bringer of pestilence and death
You are the light of hope
The heavenly son of Leto
Purifier of sins and evil in the hearts of men
Thursday, November 29, 2007
On Asklepios, the doctor.
In the Greek religious system there are Heroes, and Heroes are the Greek answer to ancestor worship that has occurred and continues to occur all over the world to this day. In addition, the Hero system also seems to be connected to the idea, arising most prominently to the fore in the Hindu system, of the avatar. We see it to this day in religions as far ranging as Christianity and Hinduism, and in many ways in the Prophets of Islam and Judaism.
An avatar is essentially a physical earthly manifestation of a divine being. That is to say, a god made incarnate as a human being (The entire deity or just a subset?) and as a result becoming very much an individual being since the avatar does live a human life of extra ordinary proportions.
Rama is an avatar in the Hindu religion. Mohamed in Islam may well have been seen as a kind of avatar. And in Christianity, Jesus is, perhaps, the world's best known avatar form. Who these people may have actually been and how their teachings have been misinterpreted and misapplied through history is beyond the scope of this posting, and not in my consciousness enough for me to give little more than simple opinion.
But in the Greek Religion, there are several beings in the mythos who are clearly avatar forms and who may well have been true human beings who were born of the essence of the divine, but having been born in the mortal world lived and died as mortals do, the divine essence returning to the divine sphere where it came from.
Herakles, Odysseus, Achilles, the Dioskouroi, and Asklepios being in the forefront of these. The Greeks called them Heroes, and sometimes Hero Gods, continuing their worship long after their deaths and seeking their aid and protection. Some of these, like Asklepios and Herakles, are often thought to have transcended human mortality, due to their divine essence, and lived on as Gods, independent and whole, in the divine sphere.
Asklepios was a physician, son of Apollo, more often than not a sign that a hero was an avatar was direct descent from a God in the mythos, who in his efforts to heal people made the fatal mistake of bringing the dead back to life. This is an unforgivable breach of the order of the cosmos, and Zeus took action, killing Asklepios.
The myths say that Apollo took revenge, and that as a result of his revenge was punished by Zeus to become the servant of a mortal king. A true come down for a God.
Asklepios confuses me in many ways because the concept of the avatar is fairly new to me. The very idea of a God walking among us, living a normal human life, perhaps even unaware that he or she is an avatar of a God, yet always pushed by his or her divine nature to do extraordinary things is something that both fascinates me and scares me a bit.
How many people, for example, develop delusions about themselves that cause them to lead people astray because they think they have a right to tell others what the Gods think? Can I be such a person? Am I, in sharing this site with you, being arrogant enough to think of myself in this way? The possibility scares me a bit. We human beings are so easily lead to arrogance and zealotry.
And what about Zeus in all this? Was there no other way to stop Asklepios? Was death the only way, or is it simply that by his very nature he must have a dreadful ending?
If one thinks about many of the people in our history who could have been avatars of the divine, one can imagine a Martin Luther King Jr or a Malcolm X as such, each having met sad and sudden ends. But what of other more notorious men like Hitler or Stalin? Could it be that an avatar can turn from the divine path through human will and corruption to an evil beyond anything the Gods would wish upon us?
It is all a bit scary at times to contemplate. After all, the Gods do not necessarily have our individual best interests at heart, and just as Troy fell at the hands of the Heroes, so to might we, judged by the Gods unworthy of continuing.
An avatar is essentially a physical earthly manifestation of a divine being. That is to say, a god made incarnate as a human being (The entire deity or just a subset?) and as a result becoming very much an individual being since the avatar does live a human life of extra ordinary proportions.
Rama is an avatar in the Hindu religion. Mohamed in Islam may well have been seen as a kind of avatar. And in Christianity, Jesus is, perhaps, the world's best known avatar form. Who these people may have actually been and how their teachings have been misinterpreted and misapplied through history is beyond the scope of this posting, and not in my consciousness enough for me to give little more than simple opinion.
But in the Greek Religion, there are several beings in the mythos who are clearly avatar forms and who may well have been true human beings who were born of the essence of the divine, but having been born in the mortal world lived and died as mortals do, the divine essence returning to the divine sphere where it came from.
Herakles, Odysseus, Achilles, the Dioskouroi, and Asklepios being in the forefront of these. The Greeks called them Heroes, and sometimes Hero Gods, continuing their worship long after their deaths and seeking their aid and protection. Some of these, like Asklepios and Herakles, are often thought to have transcended human mortality, due to their divine essence, and lived on as Gods, independent and whole, in the divine sphere.
Asklepios was a physician, son of Apollo, more often than not a sign that a hero was an avatar was direct descent from a God in the mythos, who in his efforts to heal people made the fatal mistake of bringing the dead back to life. This is an unforgivable breach of the order of the cosmos, and Zeus took action, killing Asklepios.
The myths say that Apollo took revenge, and that as a result of his revenge was punished by Zeus to become the servant of a mortal king. A true come down for a God.
Asklepios confuses me in many ways because the concept of the avatar is fairly new to me. The very idea of a God walking among us, living a normal human life, perhaps even unaware that he or she is an avatar of a God, yet always pushed by his or her divine nature to do extraordinary things is something that both fascinates me and scares me a bit.
How many people, for example, develop delusions about themselves that cause them to lead people astray because they think they have a right to tell others what the Gods think? Can I be such a person? Am I, in sharing this site with you, being arrogant enough to think of myself in this way? The possibility scares me a bit. We human beings are so easily lead to arrogance and zealotry.
And what about Zeus in all this? Was there no other way to stop Asklepios? Was death the only way, or is it simply that by his very nature he must have a dreadful ending?
If one thinks about many of the people in our history who could have been avatars of the divine, one can imagine a Martin Luther King Jr or a Malcolm X as such, each having met sad and sudden ends. But what of other more notorious men like Hitler or Stalin? Could it be that an avatar can turn from the divine path through human will and corruption to an evil beyond anything the Gods would wish upon us?
It is all a bit scary at times to contemplate. After all, the Gods do not necessarily have our individual best interests at heart, and just as Troy fell at the hands of the Heroes, so to might we, judged by the Gods unworthy of continuing.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
What I should not be seeing...
Along with what I hope to see, I must also come to understand what it is I make myself see out of sheer hope but which is not to my best interest or which may not be reasonable to expect when I look through that door and seek to see what is ahead for me.
For one thing, I have allowed my feelings of a personal and romantic nature to interfere with what I am seeking to learn here. That, perhaps, Apollo is telling me that I have not been focused on the right realm of being because I am allowing the erotic, Aphrodite's realm, interfere with my goal in this stage of my meditations.
But, and myth tells us this, the Gods do not demand that we be exclusive, even at times like these, so what he may be telling me right now is to watch out for the obsessive nature of love and eroticism and not let it blind me to him at this time.
I need to find some means by which to truly connect with him, for, as I have mentioned before, I have never been particularly close to Apollo. I mention him in my prayers, I name him in my invocations, and I ask for his protection and blessings when I bless my home in the name of the Gods, but I have never really felt a personal touch from him. Even Ares, a god with whom I have so little in common, has made himself strongly felt in my life in many ways.
Exploring the many epithets of Apollo has really only made things worse. So complex a figure is hard to grasp, and further exploration of other figures in his mythos have further complicated the issues at hand.
How does Asklepios, who I see as an avatar of Apollo himself, reaffirm this Gods connection to humanity, and why does that connection go so awry? Does Apollo's misfortune with love give a clue to the nature of love itself that we men seldom come to grips with? And his bisexuality, what does that indicate to me at this time?
For one thing, I have allowed my feelings of a personal and romantic nature to interfere with what I am seeking to learn here. That, perhaps, Apollo is telling me that I have not been focused on the right realm of being because I am allowing the erotic, Aphrodite's realm, interfere with my goal in this stage of my meditations.
But, and myth tells us this, the Gods do not demand that we be exclusive, even at times like these, so what he may be telling me right now is to watch out for the obsessive nature of love and eroticism and not let it blind me to him at this time.
I need to find some means by which to truly connect with him, for, as I have mentioned before, I have never been particularly close to Apollo. I mention him in my prayers, I name him in my invocations, and I ask for his protection and blessings when I bless my home in the name of the Gods, but I have never really felt a personal touch from him. Even Ares, a god with whom I have so little in common, has made himself strongly felt in my life in many ways.
Exploring the many epithets of Apollo has really only made things worse. So complex a figure is hard to grasp, and further exploration of other figures in his mythos have further complicated the issues at hand.
How does Asklepios, who I see as an avatar of Apollo himself, reaffirm this Gods connection to humanity, and why does that connection go so awry? Does Apollo's misfortune with love give a clue to the nature of love itself that we men seldom come to grips with? And his bisexuality, what does that indicate to me at this time?
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Apollo Postaterios and the view to the other side of the blocked doorway.
So, Apollo is blocking me. He is standing in my way, forcing me to look at what I am doing, how I am doing it, and why, and I have presumed that was it, that he wanted me to look at this all and see what I have done wrong, what I have done right, and what I could do to make those things synch with each other to make me a better person. But as I looked at the Rapidweaver window thinking about this post, it hit me. He is standing at the doorway, blocking me from going through, but what about that door?
The door itself is not closed, and though he stands there (this is metaphor, I am not literally seeing a god standing in a door) I can still see what is ahead through it. Or, rather, I can seek to see what it is I expect to be on the other side of that threshhold, and I have to admit, I am not sure. Do I have a true goal, other than the vague golas of becoming a better person, being more centered, being less ornery and a bit more open to others. What exactly am I expecting of the future if I continue to follow througn here?
Why had it not occured to me that the prophetic God was pointing out my lack of direction, something that directly relates to my future?
I dunno.
So, what are my goals? What do I truly seek to accomplish with all this?
That's hard to answer, and thus why the Gods is standing in my way. He is forcing me to think about it and making me make decisions about what I hope to do from here on in, and, perhaps, to tell me not to rush and not to try so hard to work my way through, but rather just work and make it through as I can.
But, to be fair to myself, I should outline one or two goals.
1: To be a better man. This vague goal is very powerful, because it leaves me with a great many things to explore and improve upon. My temper, for one, has been greatly helped by this. My meditations and hopeful outlook with regard to them have filtered their way through to the rest of my life. I am a much more pleasant person, and this is part of my goal in being a better person. To become a person to whom anyone can turn for advice and know they will not be judged or lectured to. Someone patient and sincere who will, none the less, know when to keep his secrets. I am all of these things now, but this man is shrouded in a veil of bitterness and deep hurt that emerges from a very injured child deep inside who had his very spirit beaten out of him by life, family, and a society that didn't care.
2: To be truly open to love. I have loved people, well, men in my life. But to be honest, I am not sure if I have ever really been "in love" in that heart wrenching way that people write songs about. I don't think I am that kind of person. But I have loved, and I do know that I can love someone, but what about them loving me? Am I the kind person who does not let anyone love him? Yes, in many ways I am, and into my life the Gods have thrown a man who is a lot like me. He is not very emotionally expressive, a little shy, and yet at the same time very passionate. Making love to him is like losing myself in feeling, and I think he feels the same way, but neither one of us is very good at voicing these things, and it seems that right now, that is perfect, because we are men, and we men really do express ourselves very differently from women, and that way is often through physical contact, through a kiss, througha smile or the touching of a hand at certain moments, and I am very refreshed by that. Being open to love must mean being open to all of these things and a true acceptance of myself as a man, a gay man, a man who can express his feelings and allow others to express theirs and be well disposed to them.
3: To better educate myself. I have to come to a point when I can go take a few classes, learn to speak Greek, further my knowledge of Portuguese and French, two languages I really love, and to recconnect with my latin culture by studying in more depth the history of my people.
Those are three basic goals, and I hope to contemplate this further and get to work on some more. maybe Apollo will allow me to move through that door then.
The door itself is not closed, and though he stands there (this is metaphor, I am not literally seeing a god standing in a door) I can still see what is ahead through it. Or, rather, I can seek to see what it is I expect to be on the other side of that threshhold, and I have to admit, I am not sure. Do I have a true goal, other than the vague golas of becoming a better person, being more centered, being less ornery and a bit more open to others. What exactly am I expecting of the future if I continue to follow througn here?
Why had it not occured to me that the prophetic God was pointing out my lack of direction, something that directly relates to my future?
I dunno.
So, what are my goals? What do I truly seek to accomplish with all this?
That's hard to answer, and thus why the Gods is standing in my way. He is forcing me to think about it and making me make decisions about what I hope to do from here on in, and, perhaps, to tell me not to rush and not to try so hard to work my way through, but rather just work and make it through as I can.
But, to be fair to myself, I should outline one or two goals.
1: To be a better man. This vague goal is very powerful, because it leaves me with a great many things to explore and improve upon. My temper, for one, has been greatly helped by this. My meditations and hopeful outlook with regard to them have filtered their way through to the rest of my life. I am a much more pleasant person, and this is part of my goal in being a better person. To become a person to whom anyone can turn for advice and know they will not be judged or lectured to. Someone patient and sincere who will, none the less, know when to keep his secrets. I am all of these things now, but this man is shrouded in a veil of bitterness and deep hurt that emerges from a very injured child deep inside who had his very spirit beaten out of him by life, family, and a society that didn't care.
2: To be truly open to love. I have loved people, well, men in my life. But to be honest, I am not sure if I have ever really been "in love" in that heart wrenching way that people write songs about. I don't think I am that kind of person. But I have loved, and I do know that I can love someone, but what about them loving me? Am I the kind person who does not let anyone love him? Yes, in many ways I am, and into my life the Gods have thrown a man who is a lot like me. He is not very emotionally expressive, a little shy, and yet at the same time very passionate. Making love to him is like losing myself in feeling, and I think he feels the same way, but neither one of us is very good at voicing these things, and it seems that right now, that is perfect, because we are men, and we men really do express ourselves very differently from women, and that way is often through physical contact, through a kiss, througha smile or the touching of a hand at certain moments, and I am very refreshed by that. Being open to love must mean being open to all of these things and a true acceptance of myself as a man, a gay man, a man who can express his feelings and allow others to express theirs and be well disposed to them.
3: To better educate myself. I have to come to a point when I can go take a few classes, learn to speak Greek, further my knowledge of Portuguese and French, two languages I really love, and to recconnect with my latin culture by studying in more depth the history of my people.
Those are three basic goals, and I hope to contemplate this further and get to work on some more. maybe Apollo will allow me to move through that door then.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Apollo Prostaterios, and the blocked doorway.
I am at a loss. I think I am doing the right things by opening myself up a bit. Letting people in a little more so that I can fully realize my potential and effect on others as well as how they affect me, but Apollo stridently stands at the door, blocking my way.
The dream that caused me so much confusion, the sexy porn star and the childhood home dream, and the one that made me take a closer look at my views of the future, that of the witches and the commune, have lead me astray somehow. Oh, those dreams are still valid, and they require further meditation, but my interpretations of them must be flawed.
Or, perhaps, their meaning has changed because I have changed.
Is it possible that in the last few months, as I have undertaken this little path of self discovery, I have changed so much that those two dreams are now different to my mind? Do I dare ask for more dreams to guide me along, knowing that these two were already rather confusing to me and made me a little crazy?
And what about some of the other things that have been happening to me lately?
I have come to a more open set of ideals with regard to sexuality. I no longer really see myself as simply gay, but something a little more open to other possibilities. I am dating a man who was once married, and has children. How will I deal with that when the dating goes further and I have to meet and interact with them? What if I fail at yet another relationship? Will that send me backward again, forcing me to do this all over?
The dream that caused me so much confusion, the sexy porn star and the childhood home dream, and the one that made me take a closer look at my views of the future, that of the witches and the commune, have lead me astray somehow. Oh, those dreams are still valid, and they require further meditation, but my interpretations of them must be flawed.
Or, perhaps, their meaning has changed because I have changed.
Is it possible that in the last few months, as I have undertaken this little path of self discovery, I have changed so much that those two dreams are now different to my mind? Do I dare ask for more dreams to guide me along, knowing that these two were already rather confusing to me and made me a little crazy?
And what about some of the other things that have been happening to me lately?
I have come to a more open set of ideals with regard to sexuality. I no longer really see myself as simply gay, but something a little more open to other possibilities. I am dating a man who was once married, and has children. How will I deal with that when the dating goes further and I have to meet and interact with them? What if I fail at yet another relationship? Will that send me backward again, forcing me to do this all over?
Thursday, November 1, 2007
So, on with the show!
So, I move on with the show here, and as I say so long to Apollo Akesios I must now say hello to Apollo Thearios (of the Oracle) and Prostaterios (he who stands before the entrance) becaue I think I have seen something in my interaction with Apollo that has awoken something in me. Apollo is standing before the entrance, the doorway, forcing me to think about the future and whether or not I am ready to move forward before I am allowed to continue.
I always pictured that I would work this little program I devised, or was inspired to devise, and that I would learn a thing here or there about myself from the Gods and move forward. I didn't quite picture that a God would stop me in my tracks and say, no, you may not move on because you have not considered everything you should consider.
I have always been a very rationalistic type of person, more Bones than Booth (You get a star if you get the reference.), and as a result of that I always picture any decisions I make about my life as my own, which lays the blame for my crappy life on my doorstep as well, of course, but when one decides to let the circumstances guide one, as this program is designed to do, one finds that much more of what we do has to do with how the world forces us to bend and twist to its dance.
I am in control of my life, but perhaps what Apollo os forcing me to do now is look beyond what I decide to the circumstances that force me to do things. Perhaps he wants me to better examine those circumstances because within them are locked decisions I never considered, or considered and decided wrongly about.
As the oracular God, one has to pay special attention to such things, and the fact that he is standing in my way now is going to force me to look carefully at my next few steps before I take them.
I always pictured that I would work this little program I devised, or was inspired to devise, and that I would learn a thing here or there about myself from the Gods and move forward. I didn't quite picture that a God would stop me in my tracks and say, no, you may not move on because you have not considered everything you should consider.
I have always been a very rationalistic type of person, more Bones than Booth (You get a star if you get the reference.), and as a result of that I always picture any decisions I make about my life as my own, which lays the blame for my crappy life on my doorstep as well, of course, but when one decides to let the circumstances guide one, as this program is designed to do, one finds that much more of what we do has to do with how the world forces us to bend and twist to its dance.
I am in control of my life, but perhaps what Apollo os forcing me to do now is look beyond what I decide to the circumstances that force me to do things. Perhaps he wants me to better examine those circumstances because within them are locked decisions I never considered, or considered and decided wrongly about.
As the oracular God, one has to pay special attention to such things, and the fact that he is standing in my way now is going to force me to look carefully at my next few steps before I take them.
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