Thursday, December 13, 2007

I have erred...

In taking on this project, I decided that part o the reason for it was to open myself up to the Gods themselves so that they guide me while at the same time I explore how I have come to interpret the Gods.

But I have erred horribly with Apollo, and I am paying for it.

Let me explain. I asked the God to teach me, to help me, to guide me, and in so doing I had couple of dreams, nightmares, and other moments of extreme imagination that prevented me from sleeping. But I have lost myself in trying to understand Apollo through his epithets and lost my way, and I think Apollo has punished me. I have become very ill in the last couple of weeks. First it was a little shortness of breath, then a horrible allergic reaction to my boyfriend's cats (I helped him move and the dust kicked up by all the moving and the cats caused a horrible allergic reaction in spite of allergy meds) which triggered an asthma attack which caused a build up of fluids in my lungs that almost became a pneumonia.

So, O.K., am I scared yet? Absolutely. But other things have happened in the last couple of months. I met a man I am falling in love with. Whether he feels the same is something that may or may not happen in time, but for now we are exploring each other and the feelings we have. I have come to a better understanding of how to manage my current illness, something I have never been good at. And just this week, my best friend in all the world, who I have not seen in almost three years, has moved back into town and left a message for me.

Apollo struck at me hard with a poison arrow, and in doing so is forcing me to look at the things in my life that have true value to me, like friends who care, friends I have allowed to fall out of my life who I should never have allowed to do so. Love and how it affects me, and he is forcing me to face the frailty of my mortality by smacking me down.

I have always had a bit of an overly bright view of the Gods. Usually seeing them in their lighter aspects far more than in their darker, harsher aspects, and Apollo, the God of light, civility, and art is teaching me that I need to be careful with doing that because it is causing me to overlook important lessons the Gods may send my way through adversity.

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