Sunday, November 25, 2007

What I should not be seeing...

Along with what I hope to see, I must also come to understand what it is I make myself see out of sheer hope but which is not to my best interest or which may not be reasonable to expect when I look through that door and seek to see what is ahead for me.

For one thing, I have allowed my feelings of a personal and romantic nature to interfere with what I am seeking to learn here. That, perhaps, Apollo is telling me that I have not been focused on the right realm of being because I am allowing the erotic, Aphrodite's realm, interfere with my goal in this stage of my meditations.

But, and myth tells us this, the Gods do not demand that we be exclusive, even at times like these, so what he may be telling me right now is to watch out for the obsessive nature of love and eroticism and not let it blind me to him at this time.

I need to find some means by which to truly connect with him, for, as I have mentioned before, I have never been particularly close to Apollo. I mention him in my prayers, I name him in my invocations, and I ask for his protection and blessings when I bless my home in the name of the Gods, but I have never really felt a personal touch from him. Even Ares, a god with whom I have so little in common, has made himself strongly felt in my life in many ways.

Exploring the many epithets of Apollo has really only made things worse. So complex a figure is hard to grasp, and further exploration of other figures in his mythos have further complicated the issues at hand.

How does Asklepios, who I see as an avatar of Apollo himself, reaffirm this Gods connection to humanity, and why does that connection go so awry? Does Apollo's misfortune with love give a clue to the nature of love itself that we men seldom come to grips with? And his bisexuality, what does that indicate to me at this time?

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