...we lost Bea Arthur today, and here is an actress/comedienne who I grew tremendously affectionate to during the 80s when, as a teenager and in my early twenties, I fell madly in love with The Golden Girls.
Bea Arthur played the tall and down trodden Dorothy, daughter of the hilariously grumpy Sophia, who stole almost every scene she was in. But Dorothy and Sophia together were a team made in heaven, and along with the wonderfully slutty Blanche and the dimwitted yet adorable Rose, made for funny television every Thursday Night (I think it was Thursday)
Affection is something we can throw out there into the world with tons to spare, and characters in TV shows, movies, radio performers, and characters in books are some of the non-entities we actually form affectionate attachments to all the time.
I loved Dorothy because I related to her in so many ways. I was young, but in almost all other ways she and I were alike. She was awkward, and lonely, and she had a mother who more often than not stood in her way with good intentions. I felt for her and at the same time was envious of her because she had a relationship with her father that she remembered with tremendous fondness.
I loved Bea Arthur because she brought the character to life in a way no one else could have, and it made me laugh all the time.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Affection
One of the many parts of our lives that we owe to Aphrodite and the great domain of love is affection. Affection is not really love, but it is connected to it. It leads to it sometimes, but mostly it is in and of itself a means to help us achieve connection.
But the affection we build for friends, lovers, pets, etc. is something that is also capable of helping us get through life. In combination with love, affection builds a strong bond. It is the aspect of loves domain that influences us to feel a longing for the good traits in others. It is the aspect of the domain of love that leaves us feeling heart broken when a friend disappoints us and when a brother betrays us.
Affection allows us to have a small connection with someone who is not really a friend, but who becomes part of our lives anyway. A genuine sense of affection can affect us as much as love, though rarely in so long lasting a manner. And affection is something we can feel for people we don’t really know. Like the people we interact with daily in mailing lists or chat rooms. People we sincerely miss when we don’t hear from them, yet can’t truly ay we love.
Blessed be Aphrodite for the little love known as affection.
But the affection we build for friends, lovers, pets, etc. is something that is also capable of helping us get through life. In combination with love, affection builds a strong bond. It is the aspect of loves domain that influences us to feel a longing for the good traits in others. It is the aspect of the domain of love that leaves us feeling heart broken when a friend disappoints us and when a brother betrays us.
Affection allows us to have a small connection with someone who is not really a friend, but who becomes part of our lives anyway. A genuine sense of affection can affect us as much as love, though rarely in so long lasting a manner. And affection is something we can feel for people we don’t really know. Like the people we interact with daily in mailing lists or chat rooms. People we sincerely miss when we don’t hear from them, yet can’t truly ay we love.
Blessed be Aphrodite for the little love known as affection.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Time Out! The Comic Book
There are a great many ways in which we all hang on to life. We hang on to youth. We hang on to the little things that make us all feel like children on the inside, where it counts. One of these things, for me at least, is my love of Superheroes and the mythic storytelling that is part and parcel of how they function in our society.
My name is Hector Lugo, and I am 42 years old, and some 14 years ago I gave up reading comic books out of a misguided idea that at 28 years old, I had outgrown the genre and what it had to offer me. During this time, however, I was also developing new and, some might say, odd religious beliefs about the world around me, and one of the factors in this development was myth.
Myth filled the void left by the comic book genre in that it allowed the imagination to fly, yet myth did something the comic books did not because they had a history as sacred literature. Myth helped to explain the world, and from them entire philosophies, theologies, and cosmologies were built over thousands of years. They allowed the world of the imagination and the world of logic to come together into a form of storytelling that went beyond either. Myth, you see, links us to the divine, and as I am about to postulate, so do the many forms of fiction and storytelling that we humans so revel in.
But unlike myth, the comic book has never been seen by society as an acceptable expression of divine reality, rather it has more often than not been seen as childish delusion, simple entertainment, and silliness. But something happened to the comic book along its long history, it grew up, and the genre is no longer simple, no longer silly, and it has become ever more relevant to people who enjoy it for what it is, an expression of human reality through the focus on the super human. In other words, a view of man from the viewpoint of Gods.
True, Superman, Batman, Wolverine, Wonder Woman, and Phoenix are not Gods in the traditional sense, but one could argue that we human beings sense a connection with the divine, with God or the Gods, angels, demons, etc., through the very art that we produce, and no art, no matter how simple, fantastic, or profound is exempt from this. The comic book, like the myths of old, are an expression of man’s connection to the divine reality. But that in itself is not the purpose of this piece, just an attempt to explain it, or perhaps justify it, to those who may not understand it.
Just a couple of years ago, I rediscovered my love of the genre. How could I not? Hollywood has fallen in love with the superhero, and along with the move of characters like Batman and Spiderman to not only the box office, but the academy award lists of nominees, the superhero has proven once again that it can capture the imagination and thrill us. That the superhero is indeed relevant because we are now atthe dawn of an age of adults who no longer see the genre as silly, even if they may sometimes consider it childish or geeky.
This rediscovered love of the genre came as no surprise for me. It gave me a glimpse back into my own past, to remember things, people, places, and events that were formative for me. Because seeing Power Girl break through a wall somehow reminded me of that sweet comic shop owner who befriended me when I was very alone. Because seeing a beautiful rendition of Thor, hammer in hand, brought back images of a childhood home I seldom ever thought about. Because seeing Wonder Woman kick ass reminded me of a love I lost a long time ago who always laughed that I had to pick up my books rather than go to dinner every Thursday.
The comic book brought me back to a time when I was happy, sometimes sad, sometimes frightened, but times when these books, short as they are, would help me escape into a world where anything was possible. And today, the same characters, some changed, some hardly at all, bring me the same kind of relief from the mundane. Just as a good Sci-Fi thriller or another reading of Lord of the Rings does. It allows me to access my most basic programming, my inner child, and revel in his joy. It keeps me from going into the dullness that is middle age by keeping my spirit fresh and full of wonder, and it keeps my imagination flying.
But unlike the child, I can look at this genre with a fresh set of eyes. I can look at it and see in it symbolism and concepts that a child might miss. Where Wonder Woman is simply a kick ass hot chick to the 12 year old, she is a symbol of a powerful woman to the 42 year old man. Where Wolverine is a cool dude with knives and a gay haircut to the 13 year old, the 42 year old sees him as a symbol of man in his constant desire to overcome his baser, animal instincts and brutality. The man can see the symbolic nature of Red Tornado as the machine who longs to be human as more than that, as a symbol of all who are different in their struggle to fit in while remaining unique. Of Green Lantern as symbol not just of courage, but of every man’s need to overcome his own fears.
Combining these two, the ability of the 42 year old man and the child inside to see these books in such different ways, allows me to stay youthful, even if the body is going to heck through a singularity, the mind is still enraptured in the simple act of imagining the impossible, and enjoying every minute of it.
My name is Hector Lugo, and I am 42 years old, and some 14 years ago I gave up reading comic books out of a misguided idea that at 28 years old, I had outgrown the genre and what it had to offer me. During this time, however, I was also developing new and, some might say, odd religious beliefs about the world around me, and one of the factors in this development was myth.
Myth filled the void left by the comic book genre in that it allowed the imagination to fly, yet myth did something the comic books did not because they had a history as sacred literature. Myth helped to explain the world, and from them entire philosophies, theologies, and cosmologies were built over thousands of years. They allowed the world of the imagination and the world of logic to come together into a form of storytelling that went beyond either. Myth, you see, links us to the divine, and as I am about to postulate, so do the many forms of fiction and storytelling that we humans so revel in.
But unlike myth, the comic book has never been seen by society as an acceptable expression of divine reality, rather it has more often than not been seen as childish delusion, simple entertainment, and silliness. But something happened to the comic book along its long history, it grew up, and the genre is no longer simple, no longer silly, and it has become ever more relevant to people who enjoy it for what it is, an expression of human reality through the focus on the super human. In other words, a view of man from the viewpoint of Gods.
True, Superman, Batman, Wolverine, Wonder Woman, and Phoenix are not Gods in the traditional sense, but one could argue that we human beings sense a connection with the divine, with God or the Gods, angels, demons, etc., through the very art that we produce, and no art, no matter how simple, fantastic, or profound is exempt from this. The comic book, like the myths of old, are an expression of man’s connection to the divine reality. But that in itself is not the purpose of this piece, just an attempt to explain it, or perhaps justify it, to those who may not understand it.
Just a couple of years ago, I rediscovered my love of the genre. How could I not? Hollywood has fallen in love with the superhero, and along with the move of characters like Batman and Spiderman to not only the box office, but the academy award lists of nominees, the superhero has proven once again that it can capture the imagination and thrill us. That the superhero is indeed relevant because we are now atthe dawn of an age of adults who no longer see the genre as silly, even if they may sometimes consider it childish or geeky.
This rediscovered love of the genre came as no surprise for me. It gave me a glimpse back into my own past, to remember things, people, places, and events that were formative for me. Because seeing Power Girl break through a wall somehow reminded me of that sweet comic shop owner who befriended me when I was very alone. Because seeing a beautiful rendition of Thor, hammer in hand, brought back images of a childhood home I seldom ever thought about. Because seeing Wonder Woman kick ass reminded me of a love I lost a long time ago who always laughed that I had to pick up my books rather than go to dinner every Thursday.
The comic book brought me back to a time when I was happy, sometimes sad, sometimes frightened, but times when these books, short as they are, would help me escape into a world where anything was possible. And today, the same characters, some changed, some hardly at all, bring me the same kind of relief from the mundane. Just as a good Sci-Fi thriller or another reading of Lord of the Rings does. It allows me to access my most basic programming, my inner child, and revel in his joy. It keeps me from going into the dullness that is middle age by keeping my spirit fresh and full of wonder, and it keeps my imagination flying.
But unlike the child, I can look at this genre with a fresh set of eyes. I can look at it and see in it symbolism and concepts that a child might miss. Where Wonder Woman is simply a kick ass hot chick to the 12 year old, she is a symbol of a powerful woman to the 42 year old man. Where Wolverine is a cool dude with knives and a gay haircut to the 13 year old, the 42 year old sees him as a symbol of man in his constant desire to overcome his baser, animal instincts and brutality. The man can see the symbolic nature of Red Tornado as the machine who longs to be human as more than that, as a symbol of all who are different in their struggle to fit in while remaining unique. Of Green Lantern as symbol not just of courage, but of every man’s need to overcome his own fears.
Combining these two, the ability of the 42 year old man and the child inside to see these books in such different ways, allows me to stay youthful, even if the body is going to heck through a singularity, the mind is still enraptured in the simple act of imagining the impossible, and enjoying every minute of it.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Connecting
I’ll be honest, connecting to people is hard for me. I am very much a solitary creature. My mind is always flowing, running, going at a million miles a minute, and in many threads all at the same time. It is why writing this website is sometimes so hard for me, and why some of what I say sometimes seems to make no sense. This is not ADD or some such, this is simply the fact that I am essentially disconnected from people on a fundamental level, and so my mind works and works, within itself creating a world that is mine.
Before you jump to the conclusion that I am crazy, I do have friends, and I do have conversations with them, but I often find my friends limited because they cannot understand my own ways. I understand that there is no way for them to be able to do that, since so much of what I am, and who I am, is happening in my own head and they are not mind readers. But I often find it difficult to convey the concepts in my head, which makes it hard for people to get me. Perhaps language is not what I need in order to convey some of these concepts, perhaps it is through some other medium that I need to do this, or perhaps a different use of language, one which might convey what I mean without being encumbered by conversational conventions.
I don’t know.
But I do know that Aphrodite is asking me to try. Aphrodite is forcing me to take a look at my inability to connect and to break that pattern, because I have to learn to be a better friend, a better lover, and a better man, and the first step in doing that is to learn to let others understand me.
Now, if I could just figure out the best way to do that?
Suggestions, anyone?
Before you jump to the conclusion that I am crazy, I do have friends, and I do have conversations with them, but I often find my friends limited because they cannot understand my own ways. I understand that there is no way for them to be able to do that, since so much of what I am, and who I am, is happening in my own head and they are not mind readers. But I often find it difficult to convey the concepts in my head, which makes it hard for people to get me. Perhaps language is not what I need in order to convey some of these concepts, perhaps it is through some other medium that I need to do this, or perhaps a different use of language, one which might convey what I mean without being encumbered by conversational conventions.
I don’t know.
But I do know that Aphrodite is asking me to try. Aphrodite is forcing me to take a look at my inability to connect and to break that pattern, because I have to learn to be a better friend, a better lover, and a better man, and the first step in doing that is to learn to let others understand me.
Now, if I could just figure out the best way to do that?
Suggestions, anyone?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Drawn to Connection...
To feel love, one must know love. One must have experienced it in some way in oder to appreciate it. The idea that one must learn to love oneself in order to love another stems from this basic idea, although it is turned on its head.
But we all experience love in some way or another. As children we feel it from our parents or caretakers, and even if they do not love us, we feel it for them. It is a attachment we carry with us forever, even when we do not recognize it. It is a feeling of belonging that we bear with us no matter how old we get. We remember it as home. We feel we belong there when we are with them.
But later in life, when we detach from them, from our mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, we are forced to fill a hole left in our hearts. We desire to form a new home, a new set of links all of which are based in that most primal of all our emotions, love.
But is this really love?
Yes, absolutely! Love is too often confused with that romance novel soap opera kind of love, but love is, and always has been, so much more than that. It is the power that draws us, forces us, to seek out connections with others, with our nation, with our culture and language, and with the Gods.
We are forced to seek out our place in the great web of life, that little knot in the web that connects us to all other things, big and small, because love is not really about lust, but about connection.
So when we seek out family, we are doing so out of love. When we seek out our friend, it is love that causes that impulse. When we are drawn to a lover, it is love. And when we are drawn to the divine, we do so because we feel the love that is part and parcel of the divine sphere. We feel Aphrodite’s presence, whatever we may call her, and we respond to it.
But we all experience love in some way or another. As children we feel it from our parents or caretakers, and even if they do not love us, we feel it for them. It is a attachment we carry with us forever, even when we do not recognize it. It is a feeling of belonging that we bear with us no matter how old we get. We remember it as home. We feel we belong there when we are with them.
But later in life, when we detach from them, from our mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, we are forced to fill a hole left in our hearts. We desire to form a new home, a new set of links all of which are based in that most primal of all our emotions, love.
But is this really love?
Yes, absolutely! Love is too often confused with that romance novel soap opera kind of love, but love is, and always has been, so much more than that. It is the power that draws us, forces us, to seek out connections with others, with our nation, with our culture and language, and with the Gods.
We are forced to seek out our place in the great web of life, that little knot in the web that connects us to all other things, big and small, because love is not really about lust, but about connection.
So when we seek out family, we are doing so out of love. When we seek out our friend, it is love that causes that impulse. When we are drawn to a lover, it is love. And when we are drawn to the divine, we do so because we feel the love that is part and parcel of the divine sphere. We feel Aphrodite’s presence, whatever we may call her, and we respond to it.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Love and Lovelessness
I was accused recently of not knowing what love is. This happened on facebook by a person who has not seen me in 15 years, who knows nothing of the person I have become since he knew me, and, I should point out, who has become something of an evangelist, as in Christian, and perhaps he thinks that one cannot know love unless one knows Jesus.
I have to leave that idea behind, seeing as it is so obviously ridiculous, but I do have to wonder if I do actually know what love is. After all, the question has been raised, right?
I know love in several forms. And I believe love is never really all encompassing except in it’s purest divine form, and we call that form Aphrodite. Only the Goddess Love herself knows love itself in a pure and all encompassing way because in a very real way, she is that love.
But as a man, a human being, I experience love in a variety of ways, and each of these ways can feel all encompassing in its time and place.
I am not a very physically expressive person. I am not the touchy, feely, huggy type. I think it has caused problems in relationships for me because people expect the soap opera romance novel type romance, but I am very expressive of feelings in other ways. I may not always seem it, since I tend to write in such a dry way which is often a bit blunt, but I am very considerate, sometimes too considerate, and I show people I love that I love them in ways that, I think, many men can relate to. I give my time, I listen, I give small tokens of my affection unexpectedly, and it often strikes people as odd.
If I see a small thing in a store and I remember a friend mentioning it as something they loved and could not find, I will buy it and give it to them. If I have a piece of hardware, like an old laptop, and I know a friend needs one, I will give it to them. I should probably sell it on e-bay, since I am very needy during these financially trying times, but I don’t, because I think it is more in line with what Zeus, lord of hosts, wants from me than just to be pragmatic.
I love my family, though I have trouble relating to them, and if any one of them needed my kidney, my liver, or hell, my heart, I would give it to them even if it meant I would die in the process. Is that not love?
I love my friends, though I have so few of them, because I love that they love me. We may not be constantly on each other the way bffs are in movies, but I will do for them just like I would for family. Maybe not to the extent of giving up my life, but close. They accept and like me the way i am, and I love them for it.
I love the Gods, though anyone reading this silly blog should probably think that obvious, but I think I should reiterate it, that I love the Gods. I may have a very relativistic view of the universe, but I do believe whole heartedly in them, who are of many names and many aspects, and through them I have come to learn to respect others for their beliefs and practices, even when I personally thought those beliefs and practices silly. I think people who have known me for years on the Hellenism lists can attest that I have mellowed out tremendously, though I am still prone to foot in mouth syndrome from time to time because of the way I write and discuss things. I tend to be a bit imperious in writing, though I am not that way when I speak.
I love laughter, music, art, and the human spirit, in both its light and dark aspects, because they are human expressions of a divine reality.
I love, and love, and love, yet, do I actually know love?
Is it possible that I see the love I generate from within me, but seldom notice or acknowledge the love that others show me?
I guess in that way I am a bit of a narcissist that way. I simply neglect to notice others on many levels. Even when I am very considerate to others, it tends to originate with me. It makes me feel good to give people things because it feels good to make others happy. But, is that not the reality of all love? Does not Aphrodite demand that you love yourself, and that by doing so you can then express that love to others?
Maybe I have done this all backward.
I have to leave that idea behind, seeing as it is so obviously ridiculous, but I do have to wonder if I do actually know what love is. After all, the question has been raised, right?
I know love in several forms. And I believe love is never really all encompassing except in it’s purest divine form, and we call that form Aphrodite. Only the Goddess Love herself knows love itself in a pure and all encompassing way because in a very real way, she is that love.
But as a man, a human being, I experience love in a variety of ways, and each of these ways can feel all encompassing in its time and place.
I am not a very physically expressive person. I am not the touchy, feely, huggy type. I think it has caused problems in relationships for me because people expect the soap opera romance novel type romance, but I am very expressive of feelings in other ways. I may not always seem it, since I tend to write in such a dry way which is often a bit blunt, but I am very considerate, sometimes too considerate, and I show people I love that I love them in ways that, I think, many men can relate to. I give my time, I listen, I give small tokens of my affection unexpectedly, and it often strikes people as odd.
If I see a small thing in a store and I remember a friend mentioning it as something they loved and could not find, I will buy it and give it to them. If I have a piece of hardware, like an old laptop, and I know a friend needs one, I will give it to them. I should probably sell it on e-bay, since I am very needy during these financially trying times, but I don’t, because I think it is more in line with what Zeus, lord of hosts, wants from me than just to be pragmatic.
I love my family, though I have trouble relating to them, and if any one of them needed my kidney, my liver, or hell, my heart, I would give it to them even if it meant I would die in the process. Is that not love?
I love my friends, though I have so few of them, because I love that they love me. We may not be constantly on each other the way bffs are in movies, but I will do for them just like I would for family. Maybe not to the extent of giving up my life, but close. They accept and like me the way i am, and I love them for it.
I love the Gods, though anyone reading this silly blog should probably think that obvious, but I think I should reiterate it, that I love the Gods. I may have a very relativistic view of the universe, but I do believe whole heartedly in them, who are of many names and many aspects, and through them I have come to learn to respect others for their beliefs and practices, even when I personally thought those beliefs and practices silly. I think people who have known me for years on the Hellenism lists can attest that I have mellowed out tremendously, though I am still prone to foot in mouth syndrome from time to time because of the way I write and discuss things. I tend to be a bit imperious in writing, though I am not that way when I speak.
I love laughter, music, art, and the human spirit, in both its light and dark aspects, because they are human expressions of a divine reality.
I love, and love, and love, yet, do I actually know love?
Is it possible that I see the love I generate from within me, but seldom notice or acknowledge the love that others show me?
I guess in that way I am a bit of a narcissist that way. I simply neglect to notice others on many levels. Even when I am very considerate to others, it tends to originate with me. It makes me feel good to give people things because it feels good to make others happy. But, is that not the reality of all love? Does not Aphrodite demand that you love yourself, and that by doing so you can then express that love to others?
Maybe I have done this all backward.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Goddess of Beauty
The promise of sexual pleasure is not one Aphrodite actually makes. Aphrodite offered Paris the most beautiful woman in the world. She gave Hera her girdle that Zeus might be attracted to her as he had been once. He gave Pygmalion his heart’s desire, the love of the statue he had so lovingly created.
Aphrodite is said to be the Goddess of Love, but if we explore what this means to a deeper level, it means she is the Goddess of Beauty. Man aspires to beauty, for beauty, and to come from beauty. Men long for beautiful mates, beautiful lovers, and beautiful children, and in these things, Aphrodite is the great promise, the great provider, for the world is filled with her eternal spirit of beauty and the pleasure beauty brings.
Sexual attraction, love, physical desire, they are all tied to beauty. This doesn’t necessarily mean culturally accepted standards of beauty, but a personal, and often subconscious standard of beauty.
When we fall in love, there are always a million things we find beautiful about the person or people we fall for. They are physically attractive to us. They are sexually arousing to us. They are intellectually beautiful. Emotionally appealing. All of these things, are part of our inner beauty, part of what makes us beautiful to others.
It is in these things that Aphrodite is present. It is in these things that Aphrodite forces us to bend to her power, and say what you want, deny it all you want, we are, all of us, powerless against her.
Aphrodite is said to be the Goddess of Love, but if we explore what this means to a deeper level, it means she is the Goddess of Beauty. Man aspires to beauty, for beauty, and to come from beauty. Men long for beautiful mates, beautiful lovers, and beautiful children, and in these things, Aphrodite is the great promise, the great provider, for the world is filled with her eternal spirit of beauty and the pleasure beauty brings.
Sexual attraction, love, physical desire, they are all tied to beauty. This doesn’t necessarily mean culturally accepted standards of beauty, but a personal, and often subconscious standard of beauty.
When we fall in love, there are always a million things we find beautiful about the person or people we fall for. They are physically attractive to us. They are sexually arousing to us. They are intellectually beautiful. Emotionally appealing. All of these things, are part of our inner beauty, part of what makes us beautiful to others.
It is in these things that Aphrodite is present. It is in these things that Aphrodite forces us to bend to her power, and say what you want, deny it all you want, we are, all of us, powerless against her.
On the bareback conundrum...
This is not a post that would normally end up on both my blogs, because one is dedicated to my religious/spiritual/philosophical explorations and the other to matters of gayness, but in this case, the two have crossed paths.
I am currently exploring the domain of Aphrodite, of love and sex, of sensuality and sexuality, of beauty and pleasure. So, of course, questions about sex and the dangers of sex are bound to arise, and this week I found out that a very good friend of mine has become HIV positive, or rather, that he has been HIV positive for a long time but has continued to indulge in dangerous behaviors. Behaviors that are dangerous both to him and to his partners.
As a man with HIV, his immune system is in danger. True, drug therapies today can make a big difference, keeping people from converting to full blown AIDS status, but the immune system is still in potential danger, and exposing oneself to diseases that can be, and often are, very dangerous is not a smart thing to do even when you are not already infected with a virus that targets and destroys the immune system.
It bothers me that he, like many out there, are buying into the denial that HIV is not what the government tells us it is. These conspiracy theorist deniers who will stop at nothing to indulge their fantasy that HIV is caused by drugs rather than an actual virus, or that AIDS does not exist, are so unwilling to face facts that they are taking themselves down, and with them, others who they are indoctrinating into their fantasy.
At a spiritual and philosophical level, I have to ask myself, is sex, sexuality, pleasure, and the beauty inherent in these acts more holy if it is 100% natural? Are these people indulging in a natural and beautiful thing untainted by latex? Or are they ignoring the aspect of our spirituality, as human beings, that demands we be moderate in our thinking?
I am a Hellenistos, and I struggle with one of the “commandments” of Apollo (Not really Commandments, but we can get into that some other time) which demands that we do nothing to excess. In other words, that we be moderate in our actions, our thinking, and our indulgences in the domains of the Gods.
There is wisdom to be applied here. No matter what religion you are, the Gods have always demanded that we think. That we look at things and keep in mind that overindulgence in anything, be it food, sex, or morality, can lead to disaster. It is all about balance.
But for these people, I have a sense of fear and yet I almost envy that they can live in such denial. Not that I could live this way. I need to jump into most things with my eyes open, even if not always wide open. I wonder if it is possible for me to enjoy sexuality to its fullest if I am bound by the rational in such a way that I have to behave responsibly, and I always have to answer yes, because in the end, I get to live another day to explore and enjoy the possibilities and joys of love, sex, and desire.
Be smart, people, condoms are cheap, and they are easy to use. USE THEM!
I am currently exploring the domain of Aphrodite, of love and sex, of sensuality and sexuality, of beauty and pleasure. So, of course, questions about sex and the dangers of sex are bound to arise, and this week I found out that a very good friend of mine has become HIV positive, or rather, that he has been HIV positive for a long time but has continued to indulge in dangerous behaviors. Behaviors that are dangerous both to him and to his partners.
As a man with HIV, his immune system is in danger. True, drug therapies today can make a big difference, keeping people from converting to full blown AIDS status, but the immune system is still in potential danger, and exposing oneself to diseases that can be, and often are, very dangerous is not a smart thing to do even when you are not already infected with a virus that targets and destroys the immune system.
It bothers me that he, like many out there, are buying into the denial that HIV is not what the government tells us it is. These conspiracy theorist deniers who will stop at nothing to indulge their fantasy that HIV is caused by drugs rather than an actual virus, or that AIDS does not exist, are so unwilling to face facts that they are taking themselves down, and with them, others who they are indoctrinating into their fantasy.
At a spiritual and philosophical level, I have to ask myself, is sex, sexuality, pleasure, and the beauty inherent in these acts more holy if it is 100% natural? Are these people indulging in a natural and beautiful thing untainted by latex? Or are they ignoring the aspect of our spirituality, as human beings, that demands we be moderate in our thinking?
I am a Hellenistos, and I struggle with one of the “commandments” of Apollo (Not really Commandments, but we can get into that some other time) which demands that we do nothing to excess. In other words, that we be moderate in our actions, our thinking, and our indulgences in the domains of the Gods.
There is wisdom to be applied here. No matter what religion you are, the Gods have always demanded that we think. That we look at things and keep in mind that overindulgence in anything, be it food, sex, or morality, can lead to disaster. It is all about balance.
But for these people, I have a sense of fear and yet I almost envy that they can live in such denial. Not that I could live this way. I need to jump into most things with my eyes open, even if not always wide open. I wonder if it is possible for me to enjoy sexuality to its fullest if I am bound by the rational in such a way that I have to behave responsibly, and I always have to answer yes, because in the end, I get to live another day to explore and enjoy the possibilities and joys of love, sex, and desire.
Be smart, people, condoms are cheap, and they are easy to use. USE THEM!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Exploration of my own aspects...
It is important to try to understand the Gods, which is why I have been doing this little blog. It is a way for me to reach out to them, but there is more to this blog than that. I am also exploring myself.
Like the Gods, we are aspected creatures, we humans, we have different forms for different occasions, and we allow or disallow behavior that is otherwise natural to us based on where we are and who we are with. We even see the Gods this way, as we reach out to them depending on our needs and desires.
I am, of course, no different. In this part of my exploration I am forcing myself to explore aspects of my sexuality and emotional self that I tend to keep to myself, usually. And in keeping them to myself I have also damaged myself. I have not allowed myself to feel things, both emotionally and physically, that I really should have.
Perhaps as a means to protect myself.
But what is it Aphrodite wants me to understand this time as I see the things I have chosen not to do or allow myself to feel? What does she want from me?
Does she want me to jump in with both feet and fuck like a mad dog? Does she want me to not do that, so as to learn to appreciate it better? Does she want me to detach emotion from sex, or to attach more meaning to it?
To some these things may seem easy enough, but not to me. I have lived a life of some misery till now, but I have also had some great times. I have laughed and felt good things, and I have fucked and loved and been heart broken. Now what am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to enjoy the sexuality I have taken so much pleasure in in my life, and not have it become just another throw away thing in my life?
All of these things I will have to try to answer for myself as I try to explore her and all she represents.
Like the Gods, we are aspected creatures, we humans, we have different forms for different occasions, and we allow or disallow behavior that is otherwise natural to us based on where we are and who we are with. We even see the Gods this way, as we reach out to them depending on our needs and desires.
I am, of course, no different. In this part of my exploration I am forcing myself to explore aspects of my sexuality and emotional self that I tend to keep to myself, usually. And in keeping them to myself I have also damaged myself. I have not allowed myself to feel things, both emotionally and physically, that I really should have.
Perhaps as a means to protect myself.
But what is it Aphrodite wants me to understand this time as I see the things I have chosen not to do or allow myself to feel? What does she want from me?
Does she want me to jump in with both feet and fuck like a mad dog? Does she want me to not do that, so as to learn to appreciate it better? Does she want me to detach emotion from sex, or to attach more meaning to it?
To some these things may seem easy enough, but not to me. I have lived a life of some misery till now, but I have also had some great times. I have laughed and felt good things, and I have fucked and loved and been heart broken. Now what am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to enjoy the sexuality I have taken so much pleasure in in my life, and not have it become just another throw away thing in my life?
All of these things I will have to try to answer for myself as I try to explore her and all she represents.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Not just erotic, though
The erotic nature of Aphrodite is not limited to the erotic itself. Eroticism is the art of sex. Titillation, teasing, flirting, and even things like obsession and lust are all part of the erotic experience.We are, all of us, victims to its power. We all remember that man or woman who you just couldn’t get out of your mind. We all have that memory of that one man or woman who touched you one day, and the very touch of him made you react sexually, even if there was no such intent.
The erotic nature of Aphrodite extends to the concept of sensation and all that means. The feeling of a penis in your hands is erotic, but so, I might add, is the taste of a cold orange. You might wonder how this can be, but that’s not hard to explain, because sex, as a part of the erotic art form, is all about sensation. It is all about pleasure, and sometimes, eating a cold orange is almost as intense a pleasure as sex is. “That was better than sex!” is the expression.
But the erotic, as an expansive explanation or definition of pleasure, is always with us. Aphrodite adores sweet scents and flavors as much as she loves the ac of love making, and we often forget this in our looks at this bright and broadly encompassing goddess.
Her nature is one that demands that you be aware. If you are not aware of how much you love a feeling, a taste, a smell, you may never learn to appreciate it. You may never learn to see that pleasure and thus acknowledge that part of yourself. This is an aspect of the goddess as Ourania, or Celestial. This aspect of Aphrodite is often seen as a higher aspect. One of the mind, of consideration, and of the soul. But this is a false assumption based on the Judaeo-Christian ideal. An ideal that sees the body, sex, sexuality, and eroticism as bad.
Not that Christianity is alone in this, the Greeks had philosophies of this type too, as do the Hindus and Buddhists. Philosophies in which the body and its pleasures are said to hold down the soul, keep it from flying free when life has ended.
To me, this is simply a falsehood. The great goddess of love is not intimately tied to both love, an emotion that is very much a high one. One that requires a person to sacrifice and think of another before him or herself, and to lust, the emotion that focuses on the bodies instinctive sexual reactions, for no reason. The great goddess love is tied to these for a reason, and that is that Ourania is not an aspect that is as a separation of purity and carnality, but a symbiosis of the two, a combination, a harmonious union of the purity of emotion and the carnality of lust.
Aphrodite lusts after Ares, and Ares lusts after Aphrodite. So the myth goes, and in that myth lies an interesting answer, for the goddess of love and lust and the god of war, and the restless emotional warrior spirit are joined and give us Harmonia. Love and Lust, bound together into Harmony.
Amen, brothers and sisters :-)
The erotic nature of Aphrodite extends to the concept of sensation and all that means. The feeling of a penis in your hands is erotic, but so, I might add, is the taste of a cold orange. You might wonder how this can be, but that’s not hard to explain, because sex, as a part of the erotic art form, is all about sensation. It is all about pleasure, and sometimes, eating a cold orange is almost as intense a pleasure as sex is. “That was better than sex!” is the expression.
But the erotic, as an expansive explanation or definition of pleasure, is always with us. Aphrodite adores sweet scents and flavors as much as she loves the ac of love making, and we often forget this in our looks at this bright and broadly encompassing goddess.
Her nature is one that demands that you be aware. If you are not aware of how much you love a feeling, a taste, a smell, you may never learn to appreciate it. You may never learn to see that pleasure and thus acknowledge that part of yourself. This is an aspect of the goddess as Ourania, or Celestial. This aspect of Aphrodite is often seen as a higher aspect. One of the mind, of consideration, and of the soul. But this is a false assumption based on the Judaeo-Christian ideal. An ideal that sees the body, sex, sexuality, and eroticism as bad.
Not that Christianity is alone in this, the Greeks had philosophies of this type too, as do the Hindus and Buddhists. Philosophies in which the body and its pleasures are said to hold down the soul, keep it from flying free when life has ended.
To me, this is simply a falsehood. The great goddess of love is not intimately tied to both love, an emotion that is very much a high one. One that requires a person to sacrifice and think of another before him or herself, and to lust, the emotion that focuses on the bodies instinctive sexual reactions, for no reason. The great goddess love is tied to these for a reason, and that is that Ourania is not an aspect that is as a separation of purity and carnality, but a symbiosis of the two, a combination, a harmonious union of the purity of emotion and the carnality of lust.
Aphrodite lusts after Ares, and Ares lusts after Aphrodite. So the myth goes, and in that myth lies an interesting answer, for the goddess of love and lust and the god of war, and the restless emotional warrior spirit are joined and give us Harmonia. Love and Lust, bound together into Harmony.
Amen, brothers and sisters :-)
On Eroticism
Eroticism is one of those topics that is sometimes hard to discuss. In our culture, as Judaeo-Christian as it is, the idea of sexuality is taboo as a topic of conversation, but as a people who are searching for truths from the Gods, not from the Bible, we must come upon this topic and try to handle it with grace and truthfulness.
Eroticism is multifaceted and extremely complex a topic, and I am not expert, but as a human being, I am intimately aware of it. It permeates our natures because as mortal life forms, it is necessary for our survival as a species. But sex, sexuality, and eroticism are actually three separate things.
Sex is the act of sexual contact between people. Genitals in contact with genitals and the act of ejaculation are just base acts of instinctive nature. We are all capable of sex, and nature has made sex enjoyable because as thinking creatures, we have the capacity to ignore our instinctive urges.
Sexuality is the complex of feelings and impulses that accompany our psychological need for companionship to produce sexual attraction. This is also very much evolutionary. Physical sexual attraction is as instinctive as is sex itself, because we tend toward the beautiful, which in evolutionary terms suggests genetic health, and therefore the survival and prosperity of our species.
Eroticism, however, is a different matter all together. Eroticism is not really evolutionary, it is psychological (which is itself evolutionary, mind you) but it is possible to think of eroticism in terms of art. If sex and sexuality are the clay and tools, then eroticism is the artist, for that is exactly what eroticism is, an art form.
Aphrodite is the goddess of this art form. Hers is a combination of all things erotic, of the sex, the sexuality, and the ability to instill thought and higher feeling into these for the sake of a better experience. We humans, under her tutelage, have made of sex an art, a philosophy, and a playful expression of our inner selves, and in so doing, we have made it into eroticism rather than just sex.
How we apply this art form to our lives is based on how we accept the goddess of love and eroticism into our lives, and how we are willing to express that which is deepest within us to another person or people.
Eroticism is multifaceted and extremely complex a topic, and I am not expert, but as a human being, I am intimately aware of it. It permeates our natures because as mortal life forms, it is necessary for our survival as a species. But sex, sexuality, and eroticism are actually three separate things.
Sex is the act of sexual contact between people. Genitals in contact with genitals and the act of ejaculation are just base acts of instinctive nature. We are all capable of sex, and nature has made sex enjoyable because as thinking creatures, we have the capacity to ignore our instinctive urges.
Sexuality is the complex of feelings and impulses that accompany our psychological need for companionship to produce sexual attraction. This is also very much evolutionary. Physical sexual attraction is as instinctive as is sex itself, because we tend toward the beautiful, which in evolutionary terms suggests genetic health, and therefore the survival and prosperity of our species.
Eroticism, however, is a different matter all together. Eroticism is not really evolutionary, it is psychological (which is itself evolutionary, mind you) but it is possible to think of eroticism in terms of art. If sex and sexuality are the clay and tools, then eroticism is the artist, for that is exactly what eroticism is, an art form.
Aphrodite is the goddess of this art form. Hers is a combination of all things erotic, of the sex, the sexuality, and the ability to instill thought and higher feeling into these for the sake of a better experience. We humans, under her tutelage, have made of sex an art, a philosophy, and a playful expression of our inner selves, and in so doing, we have made it into eroticism rather than just sex.
How we apply this art form to our lives is based on how we accept the goddess of love and eroticism into our lives, and how we are willing to express that which is deepest within us to another person or people.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Erotic Aphrodite
The most oft illustrated aspect of Aphrodite is her erotic one. Her harlot aspect, as I sometimes call it. She, of all the Goddesses, embodies “The Whore” so perfectly that she has basically become a symbol of it. She has become the epitome of what it is to be a “whore.”
The word whore itself is rife with negativity in Judaeo-Christian culture, of course, because sexuality itself is looked down upon as sinful and evil to these people. Most of us grew up with this attitude, and we have been acculturated to it so that the word whore is an insult to all of us. It is a word that denotes a woman of ill repute, a tramp, someone who indiscriminately has sex with anyone, showing no sense of decorum or standards.
If this is how we in the Western World (and most patriarchal societies) see the whore, then this is not really Aphrodite at all. Aphrodite is not an indiscriminate whore, Zeus might be more of a whore than she is, but rather she is that woman who is fully aware of her power over those who find her attractive and utilizes that power. She is beautiful, and knows it, and is not afraid of that beauty. She is sexual, horny if you will, and is not only not afraid of that, but proudly makes it known.
She is sexually vibrant, sexually powerful, and sexually free, and she teaches us that this is not something to be afraid of, and especially, not something to be ashamed of.
The word whore itself is rife with negativity in Judaeo-Christian culture, of course, because sexuality itself is looked down upon as sinful and evil to these people. Most of us grew up with this attitude, and we have been acculturated to it so that the word whore is an insult to all of us. It is a word that denotes a woman of ill repute, a tramp, someone who indiscriminately has sex with anyone, showing no sense of decorum or standards.
If this is how we in the Western World (and most patriarchal societies) see the whore, then this is not really Aphrodite at all. Aphrodite is not an indiscriminate whore, Zeus might be more of a whore than she is, but rather she is that woman who is fully aware of her power over those who find her attractive and utilizes that power. She is beautiful, and knows it, and is not afraid of that beauty. She is sexual, horny if you will, and is not only not afraid of that, but proudly makes it known.
She is sexually vibrant, sexually powerful, and sexually free, and she teaches us that this is not something to be afraid of, and especially, not something to be ashamed of.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Mistakes? How about the good stuff?
So, if I must look at the mistakes I have made as I have made my progress along the star, I must also take a moment to reflect back at some of the positive things I have done in the last year and a half, or perhaps to see the effects that these meditations and the forcing of myself to think about things that come to mind as a result of these meditations.
I was kinda nuts. I don’t mean I was just a little off. I am quite sure that if I had continued as I was, I would have ended up dying by my own hand, or as a result of my crazy behavior and inability to control the runaway emotional roller coaster I was on.
This is important to remember, because while I write in a reasonable logical manner, sometimes even cold, I am in fact a very emotional person. Not, perhaps in that touchy-feely, Emo way, but in a dark and passionate way. I have anger, rage, and bitterness in me that was killing me.
My upbringing left me a destroyed man, one who did not really understand the reality of what he had become because too many people around me simply refused to be honest with me, and because self delusion is an art form I must have perfected somewhere along the line.
Since starting this little trek of mine, though, I have been forced to remember and think about those things which today I can fully recognize as flaws that need controlled or changed. Changing these things about myself is not ever going to be an easy thing, but in the end they are the things that will save me, because letting go of the anger by recognizing it, is the first step to maybe ending my life as a complete and happy person.
Hestia, Hera, and Apollo, and Poseidon, taught me to reconsider my place in things. Not just the great cosmic ideas of man’s place in the universe, but my own place in my family, in my community (something I still need to do something about), and in my own home.
Taking these things into consideration, I have worked to bring the Gods closer to me, to remind myself of their presence and to actively seek their aid when I feel myself falling off a precipice. More importantly, I have learned to recognize certain triggers, certain reactions, and certain “thought forms” that occur in me and cause me to act in self destructive ways, and by recognizing them, to stop them in their tracks.
Everyone has noticed the differences in me, and I am hoping that some day I can look back at this time and simply laugh it all off.
I was kinda nuts. I don’t mean I was just a little off. I am quite sure that if I had continued as I was, I would have ended up dying by my own hand, or as a result of my crazy behavior and inability to control the runaway emotional roller coaster I was on.
This is important to remember, because while I write in a reasonable logical manner, sometimes even cold, I am in fact a very emotional person. Not, perhaps in that touchy-feely, Emo way, but in a dark and passionate way. I have anger, rage, and bitterness in me that was killing me.
My upbringing left me a destroyed man, one who did not really understand the reality of what he had become because too many people around me simply refused to be honest with me, and because self delusion is an art form I must have perfected somewhere along the line.
Since starting this little trek of mine, though, I have been forced to remember and think about those things which today I can fully recognize as flaws that need controlled or changed. Changing these things about myself is not ever going to be an easy thing, but in the end they are the things that will save me, because letting go of the anger by recognizing it, is the first step to maybe ending my life as a complete and happy person.
Hestia, Hera, and Apollo, and Poseidon, taught me to reconsider my place in things. Not just the great cosmic ideas of man’s place in the universe, but my own place in my family, in my community (something I still need to do something about), and in my own home.
Taking these things into consideration, I have worked to bring the Gods closer to me, to remind myself of their presence and to actively seek their aid when I feel myself falling off a precipice. More importantly, I have learned to recognize certain triggers, certain reactions, and certain “thought forms” that occur in me and cause me to act in self destructive ways, and by recognizing them, to stop them in their tracks.
Everyone has noticed the differences in me, and I am hoping that some day I can look back at this time and simply laugh it all off.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
And since I am on the topic of mistakes...
And since I am on the topic of mistakes, allow me to say that the biggest one I make these days is spend too much time on line.
Oh, sure, I know in our age that doesn’t seem at all strange. I mean, if I didn’t, I might not have any friends at all, and being something of a hermit, I would probably be OK with that, except that I need to have conversation, contact, friendship. We all do, so the internet has allowed me that while still indulging that inner hermit.
But the internet does not really lend itself to a full exploration of Aphrodite’s gifts. Sure, it can sometimes lead to a relationship, and it can certainly lead to lots of sex, but it is not the same as that divine dance we do as we lock eyes with someone in a dance club, at a restaurant, or waiting in line at the movie theater. That divine wash of emotions, expectations, hopes that come when one finds oneself attracted to someone one doesn’t know because he is standing just a few feet away.
The internet has taken that away from too many of us, or, I really should say, we have thrown that away for the convenience and immediate satisfaction of the internet.
Oh, sure, I know in our age that doesn’t seem at all strange. I mean, if I didn’t, I might not have any friends at all, and being something of a hermit, I would probably be OK with that, except that I need to have conversation, contact, friendship. We all do, so the internet has allowed me that while still indulging that inner hermit.
But the internet does not really lend itself to a full exploration of Aphrodite’s gifts. Sure, it can sometimes lead to a relationship, and it can certainly lead to lots of sex, but it is not the same as that divine dance we do as we lock eyes with someone in a dance club, at a restaurant, or waiting in line at the movie theater. That divine wash of emotions, expectations, hopes that come when one finds oneself attracted to someone one doesn’t know because he is standing just a few feet away.
The internet has taken that away from too many of us, or, I really should say, we have thrown that away for the convenience and immediate satisfaction of the internet.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Mistake
I am making the mistake of going into education mode, or lecture mode, again, and need to put a stop to it, since part of the reason behind this blog is to explore the Gods on a more personal level. Part of me finds it easier to work these meditations through a lens rather than looking at them on a very personal level. So, exploring Aphrodite on a personal level is much more difficult for me than you might think.
Part of that reason is judgment. America is a very judgmental country, and we are a very judgmental people. We constantly judge what other people do because we can't seem to grasp the idea that different people just do things differently.
Part of why Aphrodite is difficult for me to express here is that, in a very real way, i am a very strong devotee of Aphrodite as a sex goddess. I love sex, have lots of sex, and am not unfamiliar with random sex, orgies, threesomes, and the total loss of self in the pleasures of sex for its own sake.
America has a very romanticized, and dare i say Abrahamic, attitude toward sex, and I do not fall into that paradigm at all. As a gay man with some bisexual tendencies, I am not part of the mainstream of America, which would not be a problem for me if America did not so readily judge me for it.
Normally, I have no issues discussing things that are controversial. I am known in the Hellenic community as something of a loud mouth at times, but in this case, i feel like there is a need for restraint because I do not want to give people the wrong idea of what it is I am doing and how. People are too quick to jump to pop psychology to place labels on the why of my actions, but the truth is that I do the things I do almost always because I want to, and only seldom as part of a deeper need for some kind of validation.
I love cock, and Aphrodite seems to travel with me all the time. She touches me with her presence and I am always more than willing to go along with it. This aspect of the goddess we call Porne, which in essence means "pornographic" but without the negative connotations we Americans tend to associate with such a word. This is the aspect of the Aphrodite that makes us horny, the sends the blood rushing to the cock, that makes us look at guys on the bus and want to rip their clothes off. This is not simple attraction, not simply lust, it is some kind of biological impulse that we inherit as part of divine influence, a divine influence that takes me somewhere immensely pleasurable for the body, but sometimes hurtful to my soul.
If there is one lesson to be learned from allowing oneself to express ones sexuality fully, it is in learning when to set boundaries between emotion and sex. When you are with someone who is good for you, who you feel something for, that barrier must come down. Love must join with lust to create that very special even we call "love-making", but when you are in it for the fun, you must learn to build that barrier, because if you do not, you will hurt yourself more than you can imagine.
I tell guys all the time. Random wild sex is not for everyone, and that is definitely a lesson Aphrodite has taught me over the years.
Lesson number two, of course, is learning to break down that wall once you've learned to build it, and that can be a lot harder than you think. Once you build a barrier between sex and emotion, can you really tear it down so easily, and when does the barrier become an impediment rather than a help? When does that hot guy you've been having booty calls with for the last year become more than just a booty call, and will you even recognize it if you cannot let down the barrier?
Lesson number three Aphrodite Porne has taught me is that there really is such a thing as too much sex.
Have fun figuring out where that line is in your life! ;-)
Part of that reason is judgment. America is a very judgmental country, and we are a very judgmental people. We constantly judge what other people do because we can't seem to grasp the idea that different people just do things differently.
Part of why Aphrodite is difficult for me to express here is that, in a very real way, i am a very strong devotee of Aphrodite as a sex goddess. I love sex, have lots of sex, and am not unfamiliar with random sex, orgies, threesomes, and the total loss of self in the pleasures of sex for its own sake.
America has a very romanticized, and dare i say Abrahamic, attitude toward sex, and I do not fall into that paradigm at all. As a gay man with some bisexual tendencies, I am not part of the mainstream of America, which would not be a problem for me if America did not so readily judge me for it.
Normally, I have no issues discussing things that are controversial. I am known in the Hellenic community as something of a loud mouth at times, but in this case, i feel like there is a need for restraint because I do not want to give people the wrong idea of what it is I am doing and how. People are too quick to jump to pop psychology to place labels on the why of my actions, but the truth is that I do the things I do almost always because I want to, and only seldom as part of a deeper need for some kind of validation.
I love cock, and Aphrodite seems to travel with me all the time. She touches me with her presence and I am always more than willing to go along with it. This aspect of the goddess we call Porne, which in essence means "pornographic" but without the negative connotations we Americans tend to associate with such a word. This is the aspect of the Aphrodite that makes us horny, the sends the blood rushing to the cock, that makes us look at guys on the bus and want to rip their clothes off. This is not simple attraction, not simply lust, it is some kind of biological impulse that we inherit as part of divine influence, a divine influence that takes me somewhere immensely pleasurable for the body, but sometimes hurtful to my soul.
If there is one lesson to be learned from allowing oneself to express ones sexuality fully, it is in learning when to set boundaries between emotion and sex. When you are with someone who is good for you, who you feel something for, that barrier must come down. Love must join with lust to create that very special even we call "love-making", but when you are in it for the fun, you must learn to build that barrier, because if you do not, you will hurt yourself more than you can imagine.
I tell guys all the time. Random wild sex is not for everyone, and that is definitely a lesson Aphrodite has taught me over the years.
Lesson number two, of course, is learning to break down that wall once you've learned to build it, and that can be a lot harder than you think. Once you build a barrier between sex and emotion, can you really tear it down so easily, and when does the barrier become an impediment rather than a help? When does that hot guy you've been having booty calls with for the last year become more than just a booty call, and will you even recognize it if you cannot let down the barrier?
Lesson number three Aphrodite Porne has taught me is that there really is such a thing as too much sex.
Have fun figuring out where that line is in your life! ;-)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Aphrodite, the Warrior
It is difficult, within the context of Hellenism, to decipher this aspect of Aphrodite. In Greek literature, Aphrodite is portrayed as playful, laughter loving, deceitful, dangerous, and sultry, but almost never is she portrayed as a fighter, at least not with the weapons of war.
But what does it mean for Love to be a Warrior?
It means that love fights, struggles, and if necessary, makes the ultimate sacrifice for the object of that love. That love will suit up and jump into the trenches for the sake of fulfilling its purpose, and that purpose is not always the love of a lover, or family, sometimes it is the love of one’s nation.
If I have one major failing it is that I lack this. I lack this passionate warrior spirit when it comes to love. I have allowed too many of my relationships to fall apart because I was simply not willing to fight for them. I could argue, of course, that my unwillingness to fight for them meant they were not worth fighting for from my perspective, but that is more justification than answer. Relationships are not absolute things. They change, grow, dwindle, phase in and out of passion’s sphere of influence, all within their confines, yet if we give up on them because we are unsatisfied at some point, we also relinquish the potential for that relationship to grow into something beautiful.
So, like a warrior on the field of battle, love must make decisions. Fight or flight. Be miserable and fight for the potential in a relationship, or give up, surrender to the death of love.
But the aspects of love in the furthest Eastern regions of the ancient Greek world, where Hellenes mixed with the people of the middle eastern world, the goddess of love had strong martial aspects. Even in the North, among the Vikings, the goddess of love was a strong martial being. She could love you, fuck you, make you love her so much you would die for her, and then join you on the fields of battle.
This aspect of the Goddess of Love is one I think the Hellenes themselves tried to suppress. Their patriarchal system had trouble with such images as Amazons, yet among them, in the very foundations of their pantheon, they were forced to accept strong powerful Goddesses who did not simply bend to the will of Gods, but often bested them in battle, strength, and influence.
Aphrodite is one such Goddess.
But what does it mean for Love to be a Warrior?
It means that love fights, struggles, and if necessary, makes the ultimate sacrifice for the object of that love. That love will suit up and jump into the trenches for the sake of fulfilling its purpose, and that purpose is not always the love of a lover, or family, sometimes it is the love of one’s nation.
If I have one major failing it is that I lack this. I lack this passionate warrior spirit when it comes to love. I have allowed too many of my relationships to fall apart because I was simply not willing to fight for them. I could argue, of course, that my unwillingness to fight for them meant they were not worth fighting for from my perspective, but that is more justification than answer. Relationships are not absolute things. They change, grow, dwindle, phase in and out of passion’s sphere of influence, all within their confines, yet if we give up on them because we are unsatisfied at some point, we also relinquish the potential for that relationship to grow into something beautiful.
So, like a warrior on the field of battle, love must make decisions. Fight or flight. Be miserable and fight for the potential in a relationship, or give up, surrender to the death of love.
But the aspects of love in the furthest Eastern regions of the ancient Greek world, where Hellenes mixed with the people of the middle eastern world, the goddess of love had strong martial aspects. Even in the North, among the Vikings, the goddess of love was a strong martial being. She could love you, fuck you, make you love her so much you would die for her, and then join you on the fields of battle.
This aspect of the Goddess of Love is one I think the Hellenes themselves tried to suppress. Their patriarchal system had trouble with such images as Amazons, yet among them, in the very foundations of their pantheon, they were forced to accept strong powerful Goddesses who did not simply bend to the will of Gods, but often bested them in battle, strength, and influence.
Aphrodite is one such Goddess.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Coming to grips
As I try to come to grips with Aphrodite and what it means to explore her in my own life, I have to explore several core concepts of life that we human beings take for granted. Love is hard enough, but emotion as a concept is even harder. But then comes sex and the biological and psychological imperatives we all feel to have sex.
And what kind of sex? For some who believe in the Christian ethos, sex seems to be an almost utilitarian thing, meant for no other reason than to produce children, a silly notion if I ever heard one. After all, sex is a form of play for adults. It creates bonds between people, relieves stress, and offers a psychological benefit beyond simple sexual pleasure.
And what of the concept of Aphrodite as a Celestial being. As a force of nature, not just as an emotional impetus, not just as Goddess of love and lust, but of bindings and links. If Eros can be said to be Gravity, then perhaps Aphrodite can be said to be the Strong Nuclear Force.
What do I mean by that?
Eros is the God (One of the Protogonoi) who is responsible for what we call gravity. but at small levels, there are different forces at work, and just as the Erotic force affects life through attraction, so too does the Aphroditic force which acts on us from a lower level, a smaller level just as the strong nuclear force acts on quarks to form protons and neutrons. This is an aspect of the Gods which is seldom discussed in pagan circles.
And what of war. Aphrodite is a Goddess of War as well as love, and while that aspect is often lost in the Hellenic mythos, her relationship to Ares points us in this direction. Goddesses in the middle east related to Aphrodite (her middle eastern aspects) are very martial, and one must assume, though it is not scientific to do so, that Aphrodite also carried such aspects. Exploring this aspect of the Goddess is hard, after all, our culture speaks of love as a purely beneficent thing, pure, and so we must try to come to grips with how differently from ourselves this concept of love is.
Aphrodite is also a temptress. She tempts us to do things that may not be all that moral or ethical for the sake of pleasure. Is this a form of divine immorality, or does she lead us to question our morality, to challenge our preconceptions about what is and isn’t appropriate?
I hope to move forward to a place where I can answer some of these things in my own mind, and pray I have the wherewithal to properly express what I discover.
And what kind of sex? For some who believe in the Christian ethos, sex seems to be an almost utilitarian thing, meant for no other reason than to produce children, a silly notion if I ever heard one. After all, sex is a form of play for adults. It creates bonds between people, relieves stress, and offers a psychological benefit beyond simple sexual pleasure.
And what of the concept of Aphrodite as a Celestial being. As a force of nature, not just as an emotional impetus, not just as Goddess of love and lust, but of bindings and links. If Eros can be said to be Gravity, then perhaps Aphrodite can be said to be the Strong Nuclear Force.
What do I mean by that?
Eros is the God (One of the Protogonoi) who is responsible for what we call gravity. but at small levels, there are different forces at work, and just as the Erotic force affects life through attraction, so too does the Aphroditic force which acts on us from a lower level, a smaller level just as the strong nuclear force acts on quarks to form protons and neutrons. This is an aspect of the Gods which is seldom discussed in pagan circles.
And what of war. Aphrodite is a Goddess of War as well as love, and while that aspect is often lost in the Hellenic mythos, her relationship to Ares points us in this direction. Goddesses in the middle east related to Aphrodite (her middle eastern aspects) are very martial, and one must assume, though it is not scientific to do so, that Aphrodite also carried such aspects. Exploring this aspect of the Goddess is hard, after all, our culture speaks of love as a purely beneficent thing, pure, and so we must try to come to grips with how differently from ourselves this concept of love is.
Aphrodite is also a temptress. She tempts us to do things that may not be all that moral or ethical for the sake of pleasure. Is this a form of divine immorality, or does she lead us to question our morality, to challenge our preconceptions about what is and isn’t appropriate?
I hope to move forward to a place where I can answer some of these things in my own mind, and pray I have the wherewithal to properly express what I discover.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
What is Love?
What is love?
Our modern Western world, especially we Americans, has a rather simplistic interpretation of love. When many here in America speak of love and God, they say God is Love, and that Love is some kind of supremely sublime state of being that is wholly pure and beneficent. But, their own theology points to something different, and that is that love is not always beneficent.
Love can be selfish and dangerous. It is capricious, unpredictable, and painful. To love one must sometimes hurt the object of that love, and sometimes one must be hurt by it. It can make us blind to reality, or force us to see it so clearly that we can no longer view ourselves in a healthy way.
It can make us paranoid, jealous, and angry. It can make us thoughtful and vengeful, and in none of these is love ever truly inconsistent. All of these things, from the basest of lusts to the purity of that love you feel for your newborn child, love is actually very consistent. At least consistent in its utter chaos and unpredictability.
Where the Christian masses view God as Love and Love as a pure, almost passive thing, the Ancient Greeks did not see love that way at all. They understood, perhaps not always in philosophical terms, but they understood it none the less, that the deity we call love, that glorious Aphrodite, is and always will be a temptress that is capricious and not always out to give us fuzzy pink feelings inside. Sometimes we need to fear her, because sometimes love is more than we can handle, and it hurts.
Love is a precious suffering that we human beings surrender to willingly because love is also full of rewards that outweigh the negatives. That teen who is making your life miserable right now, will one day fill your life with joy when they grow into a human being of great character and bring you grandchildren. That man or woman who too often makes you want to strangle them also gives you a shoulder to cry on and that feeling that you belong. In that bond of love there is both joy and pain, and we accept both willingly because that is how the goddess wants it. Because getting into her graces is never going to be an easy thing. You don’t just walk in and have her like your whore, you court her and spend your life savings on her, because you know in the end, misery and all, she is worth it.
That is love. The willingness to accept it, for all that it is, and know it is worth it anyway.
Our modern Western world, especially we Americans, has a rather simplistic interpretation of love. When many here in America speak of love and God, they say God is Love, and that Love is some kind of supremely sublime state of being that is wholly pure and beneficent. But, their own theology points to something different, and that is that love is not always beneficent.
Love can be selfish and dangerous. It is capricious, unpredictable, and painful. To love one must sometimes hurt the object of that love, and sometimes one must be hurt by it. It can make us blind to reality, or force us to see it so clearly that we can no longer view ourselves in a healthy way.
It can make us paranoid, jealous, and angry. It can make us thoughtful and vengeful, and in none of these is love ever truly inconsistent. All of these things, from the basest of lusts to the purity of that love you feel for your newborn child, love is actually very consistent. At least consistent in its utter chaos and unpredictability.
Where the Christian masses view God as Love and Love as a pure, almost passive thing, the Ancient Greeks did not see love that way at all. They understood, perhaps not always in philosophical terms, but they understood it none the less, that the deity we call love, that glorious Aphrodite, is and always will be a temptress that is capricious and not always out to give us fuzzy pink feelings inside. Sometimes we need to fear her, because sometimes love is more than we can handle, and it hurts.
Love is a precious suffering that we human beings surrender to willingly because love is also full of rewards that outweigh the negatives. That teen who is making your life miserable right now, will one day fill your life with joy when they grow into a human being of great character and bring you grandchildren. That man or woman who too often makes you want to strangle them also gives you a shoulder to cry on and that feeling that you belong. In that bond of love there is both joy and pain, and we accept both willingly because that is how the goddess wants it. Because getting into her graces is never going to be an easy thing. You don’t just walk in and have her like your whore, you court her and spend your life savings on her, because you know in the end, misery and all, she is worth it.
That is love. The willingness to accept it, for all that it is, and know it is worth it anyway.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friend and his sex life.
*WARNING*
This blog entry is going to be rather explicit, maybe, so if you are offended b y sexuality or profanity, you may wish to skip it.
A friend of mine came over yesterday. I didn’t really want him here, I have to get up for work at 4AM on Saturdays, so when he showed up around 8PM, I was really not amused. He’s a cool guy, mind you, and when we get together from time to time it is always interesting because he and I have a very similar sense of humor and we always find ourselves laughing. This is great, but I really needed to get to sleep.
I was not really in a mood to listen to bullshit, but the friend in me did so anyway, because the obligations of friendship demand it. You see, my friend has issues with relationships, and by that I mean he usually has more than one going at a time.
Now, I’ll tell ya, I am not a judgmental conservative type. I think if you like to have sex, go have sex. You like it one on one, fine. You like threesomes? Fine. You like big fuckin orgies? Have at it, just be careful, responsible, and above all, be honest!
His latest drama is really all about having found himself “in love” with two people. One, a lovely young lady who I have known for a year or so, and the second a very handsome man of about 35 who I have only met the once, and the impression I got of him was not a pleasant one. But he likes him, loves him by his account.
Now, the woman knows all about this. She is pressuring him to commit to a more monogamous relationship, but the man does not know that he is also dating a woman. If you knew him and me, you would know that he tells me everything. Sometimes I have to stop him, because I don’t need to hear how wet she was when he was sliding in to her or how good it felt to get fucked three times in one night.
It isn’t that I am a prude. I love porn, I love erotica, I love sexuality as a topic of conversation and as a means to explore ourselves and our connections to each other. It is that I know him, have been intimate with him, and have always tried to maintain a certain decorum, a certain line that I try not to cross with people, and he seems not willing to respect that line, that boundary.
I am fine with him talking sex, I just don’t want to hear every detail.
He is a Pagan, not a Hellenistos, but a Wiccan, and part of me wants to quote the Rede to him when he talks about the man he is dating not knowing about his relationship with a woman, but I am also left to wonder if perhaps telling him might hurt him more than not.
So, I turn to Aphrodite in search for an answer, and I was shocked to find that she was not very helpful to me. I didn’t have tea with her, of course, but in meditating on the questions involved, I found that I was left bereft of an answer.
Should I advise him to tell the man he’s dating? Should I advise him to commit more fully to his girlfriend? The only answer that kept popping into my mind was “Tell him who he is” and that left me a little confused. Am I supposed to sit him down and point out his personality to him so he can better look at this with the proper mind set?
Hmm, it’s a fuckin mess, but I think what I really want to say is, I wish you hadn’t bugged me with this shit. What does someone exploring Aphrodite advise someone in a situation like this?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Laughter and worship.
So, as I mentioned in my last entry, my life is turning to shit, but i am somehow managing to keep myself from depression or the dark feelings that so often accompany me in life. The truth is that since starting this little challenge of mine, these meditations on the Gods, I have become far more calm a person. I am less argumentative, far less prone to depression, and far less cynical about the world around me, and part of the reason for this is my willingness to laugh.
But just today I was thinking about Aphrodite, about her unique domain, that of laughter, and I had to take the time to say thank you to her for the way she has helped guide me through my inner turmoil these last few months.
Laughter is a funny thing, and no that is not intended as a pun. We humans find comedic value in so many things. From the raunchy to the cute, from the wholesome to the offensive, and it is this ability to laugh at ourselves, and let's face it, others, that we find that that old saying really is true. Sometimes laughter really is the best medicine.
So, how does one incorporate laughter into worship?
There are cults in Hinduism, philosophies, based on the idea that laughter, the actual act of laughing, is actually spiritually healing. Is there such a thing in our own religion? Can we find it in ourselves to look beyond the way our culture places such a sense of severity on religious practice and learn to laugh and be merry as part of our religious observances. Or, perhaps, I should be asking how am I going to accomplish this? After all, I am the one responsible for my own relationships with the Gods.
But just today I was thinking about Aphrodite, about her unique domain, that of laughter, and I had to take the time to say thank you to her for the way she has helped guide me through my inner turmoil these last few months.
Laughter is a funny thing, and no that is not intended as a pun. We humans find comedic value in so many things. From the raunchy to the cute, from the wholesome to the offensive, and it is this ability to laugh at ourselves, and let's face it, others, that we find that that old saying really is true. Sometimes laughter really is the best medicine.
So, how does one incorporate laughter into worship?
There are cults in Hinduism, philosophies, based on the idea that laughter, the actual act of laughing, is actually spiritually healing. Is there such a thing in our own religion? Can we find it in ourselves to look beyond the way our culture places such a sense of severity on religious practice and learn to laugh and be merry as part of our religious observances. Or, perhaps, I should be asking how am I going to accomplish this? After all, I am the one responsible for my own relationships with the Gods.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Laughing our way through worry.
I have to be honest with you. I am in deep shit. I won’t go into details, but I will say that this economy has destroyed me. Last month was a month full of worry, stress, and self loathing based on my own preoccupation with simply not becoming homeless. I have managed to keep this internet thing going, because it has become my main form of communication over distance, and it helps me stay in touch with my family in Connecticut and Florida, but little by little I have had to remove everything from my life that ever gave me pleasure.
Hell, it’s a good thing my cock is attached, or I would be really depressed.
But in the last few years I have learned a few things about myself, and the way I connect and rely on the Gods. So I took a step back and told myself no. I was ready to remove the last three things I pay for every month that still manage to bring me a little enjoyment. The Internet (I could always use wifi at work or at local coffee shops to keep my sites up to date) my cable TV service, which I admit is now much diminished, and my satellite radio subscription.
But let me tell you, I am not really a couch potato in the regular sense. The amount of TV I watch is actually not large, but I do like to watch comedies, maybe a few dramas, I hate reality TV, and adore those docos on Discovery, PBS, etc. And I would probably go insane if I didn’t get my Howard fix every morning.
So as I sat and meditated on a few things I realized that I was becoming old. I was letting the world make me into an old fart. No joy, no laughter, no fun in my life, and just as all of this is happening, I made the transition on my star from Poseidon to Aphrodite, the laughter loving Goddess.
It wasn’t a conscious thing. I didn’t transition because of what was happening in my life, I transitioned and as I worked into it, I realized the coincidence of it.
Beauteous Aphrodite called me to her as I needed her. My heart called out to her without me even knowing it, and now I must seek to explore that, to understand what it is, other than her laughter, her fun, that my heart is seeking. I must, I think, be forced to confront my own inner hermit and beat him down so that I don’t forget to live as I try to keep myself a float. After all, what’s the point of saving oneself from drowning if one has no water or food to live off in the middle of a stormy sea.
So, bring on the funny, miss Aphrodite, I can handle it.
Hell, it’s a good thing my cock is attached, or I would be really depressed.
But in the last few years I have learned a few things about myself, and the way I connect and rely on the Gods. So I took a step back and told myself no. I was ready to remove the last three things I pay for every month that still manage to bring me a little enjoyment. The Internet (I could always use wifi at work or at local coffee shops to keep my sites up to date) my cable TV service, which I admit is now much diminished, and my satellite radio subscription.
But let me tell you, I am not really a couch potato in the regular sense. The amount of TV I watch is actually not large, but I do like to watch comedies, maybe a few dramas, I hate reality TV, and adore those docos on Discovery, PBS, etc. And I would probably go insane if I didn’t get my Howard fix every morning.
So as I sat and meditated on a few things I realized that I was becoming old. I was letting the world make me into an old fart. No joy, no laughter, no fun in my life, and just as all of this is happening, I made the transition on my star from Poseidon to Aphrodite, the laughter loving Goddess.
It wasn’t a conscious thing. I didn’t transition because of what was happening in my life, I transitioned and as I worked into it, I realized the coincidence of it.
Beauteous Aphrodite called me to her as I needed her. My heart called out to her without me even knowing it, and now I must seek to explore that, to understand what it is, other than her laughter, her fun, that my heart is seeking. I must, I think, be forced to confront my own inner hermit and beat him down so that I don’t forget to live as I try to keep myself a float. After all, what’s the point of saving oneself from drowning if one has no water or food to live off in the middle of a stormy sea.
So, bring on the funny, miss Aphrodite, I can handle it.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Laughter Loving Aphrodite
Aphrodite is often called laughter loving, She is a goddess of delights, of joy, of pleasures that elicit laughter and fun in human beings. The often negative connotations that Christian culture place on the gifts of Aphrodite are actually the positive aspects of the Goddess of Love.
One imagines Aphrodite as a Goddess who loves comedy. Who loves humour of all types and delights in the power of laughter in the human psyche. A power we possess as a means to rid ourselves of the stresses of life and survival. The crude joke, perhaps, may be her favorite. She may laugh at the antics of Howard Stern, or revel at the knife’s edge of Chris Rock’s satire as it points out the absurdities of our culture. Perhaps she loved Sam Kennison and adores Bill Cosby, and tunes in regularly to Raw Dog and Comedy Central.
Perhaps, most of all, she laughs at the absurdities of our own attitudes toward sex, an act which is itself full of absurdities and pitfalls of raw emotion.
I do not believe that the Gods meddle in our lives in ways that we so often think of when we refer to them in myth. I don’t think Aphrodite is busy making my dick hard when I see a hot man or woman on the street, but I think their power, and hers especially, simply permeates things. It is a probability that is always present and which our hearts, minds, and souls are always thirsting and reaching for.
After all, we all love to laugh, and laughter is just an expression of something deeper. A release of emotion, her most powerful domain.
I come to ponder these things as I see my own life crumbling around me. As I see my country falling into financial ruin and its people nervously refusing to be generous. In times when the heart feels so heavy, so strained with worry, laughter loving Aphrodite becomes ever more important to us.
One imagines Aphrodite as a Goddess who loves comedy. Who loves humour of all types and delights in the power of laughter in the human psyche. A power we possess as a means to rid ourselves of the stresses of life and survival. The crude joke, perhaps, may be her favorite. She may laugh at the antics of Howard Stern, or revel at the knife’s edge of Chris Rock’s satire as it points out the absurdities of our culture. Perhaps she loved Sam Kennison and adores Bill Cosby, and tunes in regularly to Raw Dog and Comedy Central.
Perhaps, most of all, she laughs at the absurdities of our own attitudes toward sex, an act which is itself full of absurdities and pitfalls of raw emotion.
I do not believe that the Gods meddle in our lives in ways that we so often think of when we refer to them in myth. I don’t think Aphrodite is busy making my dick hard when I see a hot man or woman on the street, but I think their power, and hers especially, simply permeates things. It is a probability that is always present and which our hearts, minds, and souls are always thirsting and reaching for.
After all, we all love to laugh, and laughter is just an expression of something deeper. A release of emotion, her most powerful domain.
I come to ponder these things as I see my own life crumbling around me. As I see my country falling into financial ruin and its people nervously refusing to be generous. In times when the heart feels so heavy, so strained with worry, laughter loving Aphrodite becomes ever more important to us.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Aphrodite's Sense of Humour
If we are to acknowledge Aphrodite as a divine power intimately linked to emotion, then among the most powerful of the tools in her arsenal is laughter. She is even called Laughter Loving Aphrodite (Philomides) by the ancients, who understood that her power was one that enriched and enhanced their ability to feel pleasure, to enjoy life, and to laugh at the world around them.
But laughing is different from having a sense of humor, All people laugh, but not all have a true sense of humor, which to me is the ability to laugh at yourself as much as to laugh at other things. A sense of humor includes the tweaking of people, the giving of ills in order to make one laugh at oneself, so when New Years Eve came around this year, on the heels of my Heliogenna observances (which I must apologize for not posting on the site, I will try to do that today) I was more than happy to indulge in a little Dionysian, Aphrodisian, and Erotic fun for the sake of liberating myself from the ills this past year brought me.
At this point, I have been single again for about a year, and while I have certainly had sex since, I have not really indulged in some of my more slutty behaviors. I do not apologize for these, I have no need, I do not subscribe to the Judaeo-Christian puritanical ethic, and do not apply that ethic to anyone, male or female.
So, New Years is the time to do that. To leave behind the more conservative aspects of my personality and go with the slut fag pig boy that I can be from time to time. I won’t be crude and go into all the gory details, but I will say that I had a great time, and so did several other people. Safety precautions were taken, of course.
But as the night wore on, and the party at my favorite private club/bar wound down, Aphrodite, who had until then provided me with the enjoyment of her most lascivious of gifts, played a little trick on me. Someone, unknown, took my coat accidentally, and with it, my keys.
It is very stressful, knowing that after such a phenomenal night, you are now essentially stranded, and locked out. In the end, I had to break in to my own apartment, and hope that the owners of the bar could contact the membership so they might bring my coat, and more importantly, keys back.
I had to ponder all this. That I had such a great night with Aphrodite and Dionysos in mind is not odd. I have had more than my share of great sexual and erotic experiences when I have allowed myself the liberty to give myself to them. But, as I pondered it, I realized that almost every time I have, something odd and negative has also happened to me. Were I a Christian, or Moslem, or Jew perhaps, I would think that maybe I was being punished, but as a man who believes whole heartedly that the Gods want us to enjoy life, and Aphrodite especially, I started to think that these things were simply meant as contrast.
That, like the negative and positive space in a photograph, the awesome pleasures Aphrodite affords us are balanced by a wicked tweaking of our nipples that provide us with a way to see how good her gifts are in comparison with the bad things that happen to us.
Her sense of humor, because after I pondered the whole thing I did find it funny, is one that can, if we are wiling to have a sense of humor ourselves, teach us a great deal about ourselves, our emotions, and our ability to deal with them.
But laughing is different from having a sense of humor, All people laugh, but not all have a true sense of humor, which to me is the ability to laugh at yourself as much as to laugh at other things. A sense of humor includes the tweaking of people, the giving of ills in order to make one laugh at oneself, so when New Years Eve came around this year, on the heels of my Heliogenna observances (which I must apologize for not posting on the site, I will try to do that today) I was more than happy to indulge in a little Dionysian, Aphrodisian, and Erotic fun for the sake of liberating myself from the ills this past year brought me.
At this point, I have been single again for about a year, and while I have certainly had sex since, I have not really indulged in some of my more slutty behaviors. I do not apologize for these, I have no need, I do not subscribe to the Judaeo-Christian puritanical ethic, and do not apply that ethic to anyone, male or female.
So, New Years is the time to do that. To leave behind the more conservative aspects of my personality and go with the slut fag pig boy that I can be from time to time. I won’t be crude and go into all the gory details, but I will say that I had a great time, and so did several other people. Safety precautions were taken, of course.
But as the night wore on, and the party at my favorite private club/bar wound down, Aphrodite, who had until then provided me with the enjoyment of her most lascivious of gifts, played a little trick on me. Someone, unknown, took my coat accidentally, and with it, my keys.
It is very stressful, knowing that after such a phenomenal night, you are now essentially stranded, and locked out. In the end, I had to break in to my own apartment, and hope that the owners of the bar could contact the membership so they might bring my coat, and more importantly, keys back.
I had to ponder all this. That I had such a great night with Aphrodite and Dionysos in mind is not odd. I have had more than my share of great sexual and erotic experiences when I have allowed myself the liberty to give myself to them. But, as I pondered it, I realized that almost every time I have, something odd and negative has also happened to me. Were I a Christian, or Moslem, or Jew perhaps, I would think that maybe I was being punished, but as a man who believes whole heartedly that the Gods want us to enjoy life, and Aphrodite especially, I started to think that these things were simply meant as contrast.
That, like the negative and positive space in a photograph, the awesome pleasures Aphrodite affords us are balanced by a wicked tweaking of our nipples that provide us with a way to see how good her gifts are in comparison with the bad things that happen to us.
Her sense of humor, because after I pondered the whole thing I did find it funny, is one that can, if we are wiling to have a sense of humor ourselves, teach us a great deal about ourselves, our emotions, and our ability to deal with them.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
The Empress
I am the stillness of the night, when your heart beats loudly in your heart.
When the tension in your body has built to a crescendo.
I am your longing for companionship and friendship.
When the terrors of life lay claim to your spirit.
I am the stirring of the breese, when its very touch leaves you panting.
When your skin burns with the power of your emotion.
I am your desires, large and small, made manifest within you.
When your blood rushes loudly to your cock in your lusting for passion.
I am the light of the crescent moon, when it shines its light on your lover.
When the very sight of him incites spark and flame in your loins.
I am your intention made real as you approach him.
When your thoughts become rabid and bestial in heat.
I am the rising of the sun which, like love, has blinded you with its light.
When you have been bound to him, heart and soul.
I am the Empress and Goddess of desire, smelling of rose petals.
When in the end you realise you are now and forever mine.
When the tension in your body has built to a crescendo.
I am your longing for companionship and friendship.
When the terrors of life lay claim to your spirit.
I am the stirring of the breese, when its very touch leaves you panting.
When your skin burns with the power of your emotion.
I am your desires, large and small, made manifest within you.
When your blood rushes loudly to your cock in your lusting for passion.
I am the light of the crescent moon, when it shines its light on your lover.
When the very sight of him incites spark and flame in your loins.
I am your intention made real as you approach him.
When your thoughts become rabid and bestial in heat.
I am the rising of the sun which, like love, has blinded you with its light.
When you have been bound to him, heart and soul.
I am the Empress and Goddess of desire, smelling of rose petals.
When in the end you realise you are now and forever mine.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Emotion
I will not attempt to explain emotion at a rational level. I would be hopelessly ill equipped to do so. We can try to rationalize emotion as the firing synapses, or the wash of chemicals as they are produced and reabsorbed in the brain, but that would be a wholly inadequate explanation. The randomness of emotion and thought cannot fully be explained, at least not to the satisfaction of so many who believe that there is more to life than simple bio-chemistry (that sounds odd coming from me, even to me) because the randomness of it is not really so random at all, rather it is what makes us us. It forms the very basis of what and who we are.
Those emotional and rational impulses that simply come, not hindered or provoked by anything in particular except that they come from us is where Aphrodite holds her seat of power. It is a seat of power far smaller and yet far more all encompassing than anything in the cosmos because in the end it is in all of us. Not just us thinking evolved creatures, but all creatures, great and small.
At this level, Aphrodite is at her most basic aspect. That aspect that is simply a spark. That initial spark that grows and becomes something so vastly complicated that only a goddess could actually understand it, but which we, mere mortals, can but feel and be swept away by it.
Those emotional and rational impulses that simply come, not hindered or provoked by anything in particular except that they come from us is where Aphrodite holds her seat of power. It is a seat of power far smaller and yet far more all encompassing than anything in the cosmos because in the end it is in all of us. Not just us thinking evolved creatures, but all creatures, great and small.
At this level, Aphrodite is at her most basic aspect. That aspect that is simply a spark. That initial spark that grows and becomes something so vastly complicated that only a goddess could actually understand it, but which we, mere mortals, can but feel and be swept away by it.
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