Sunday, January 25, 2009

Laughing our way through worry.

I have to be honest with you. I am in deep shit. I won’t go into details, but I will say that this economy has destroyed me. Last month was a month full of worry, stress, and self loathing based on my own preoccupation with simply not becoming homeless. I have managed to keep this internet thing going, because it has become my main form of communication over distance, and it helps me stay in touch with my family in Connecticut and Florida, but little by little I have had to remove everything from my life that ever gave me pleasure.

Hell, it’s a good thing my cock is attached, or I would be really depressed.

But in the last few years I have learned a few things about myself, and the way I connect and rely on the Gods. So I took a step back and told myself no. I was ready to remove the last three things I pay for every month that still manage to bring me a little enjoyment. The Internet (I could always use wifi at work or at local coffee shops to keep my sites up to date) my cable TV service, which I admit is now much diminished, and my satellite radio subscription.

But let me tell you, I am not really a couch potato in the regular sense. The amount of TV I watch is actually not large, but I do like to watch comedies, maybe a few dramas, I hate reality TV, and adore those docos on Discovery, PBS, etc. And I would probably go insane if I didn’t get my Howard fix every morning.

So as I sat and meditated on a few things I realized that I was becoming old. I was letting the world make me into an old fart. No joy, no laughter, no fun in my life, and just as all of this is happening, I made the transition on my star from Poseidon to Aphrodite, the laughter loving Goddess.

It wasn’t a conscious thing. I didn’t transition because of what was happening in my life, I transitioned and as I worked into it, I realized the coincidence of it.

Beauteous Aphrodite called me to her as I needed her. My heart called out to her without me even knowing it, and now I must seek to explore that, to understand what it is, other than her laughter, her fun, that my heart is seeking. I must, I think, be forced to confront my own inner hermit and beat him down so that I don’t forget to live as I try to keep myself a float. After all, what’s the point of saving oneself from drowning if one has no water or food to live off in the middle of a stormy sea.

So, bring on the funny, miss Aphrodite, I can handle it.

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