Sunday, March 15, 2009

Exploration of my own aspects...

It is important to try to understand the Gods, which is why I have been doing this little blog. It is a way for me to reach out to them, but there is more to this blog than that. I am also exploring myself.

Like the Gods, we are aspected creatures, we humans, we have different forms for different occasions, and we allow or disallow behavior that is otherwise natural to us based on where we are and who we are with. We even see the Gods this way, as we reach out to them depending on our needs and desires.

I am, of course, no different. In this part of my exploration I am forcing myself to explore aspects of my sexuality and emotional self that I tend to keep to myself, usually. And in keeping them to myself I have also damaged myself. I have not allowed myself to feel things, both emotionally and physically, that I really should have.

Perhaps as a means to protect myself.

But what is it Aphrodite wants me to understand this time as I see the things I have chosen not to do or allow myself to feel? What does she want from me?

Does she want me to jump in with both feet and fuck like a mad dog? Does she want me to not do that, so as to learn to appreciate it better? Does she want me to detach emotion from sex, or to attach more meaning to it?

To some these things may seem easy enough, but not to me. I have lived a life of some misery till now, but I have also had some great times. I have laughed and felt good things, and I have fucked and loved and been heart broken. Now what am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to enjoy the sexuality I have taken so much pleasure in in my life, and not have it become just another throw away thing in my life?

All of these things I will have to try to answer for myself as I try to explore her and all she represents.

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