Monday, October 29, 2007

Fate's hand...

I don't believe in Fate. Not in the traditional sense. I think Fate is all that is and has been, not what will be. What will be is simply open to chance, to probability and entropy. It is unpredictable.

But I do believe that we can achieve things in the world, and for ourselves that we set out to do without actually setting ourselves that goal, and that often, the hands of the Gods seem to play a part.

When I undertook this little scheme to follow the star into a path of self discovery, I knew I would also have to come to understand the Gods themselves as I know them in different ways, and one of those ways was to come to an understanding that my assumptions and knowledge of the Gods is necessarily flawed. I am, after all, human.

The hand of Fate steps in and forces us to do things we might not have otherwise done, and thus it is the force that lays out obstacles before us.

The hand of Fate is forcing me to make certain moves on this chess board called life that I am very unsure of right now.

I find myself at the cusp of what may be a very real relationship. What I have to try to do now is see if I can put my own selfish needs aside for someone else again. If I can face up to something I have never had to deal with before, a man who has children who must, by all means, come first in his life.

Apollo is forcing me to face up to these questions in my life. I now see that. But why him? I was certainly not expecting that matters of this type would come up at this point in my exploration. And as I ponder the dream of the commune and the witches, I think it makes sense to me now. The witches represent people who are different from me. The man I am seeing is a Christian, and if I am indeed heading into a relationship, I must try not to hurry into it, but rather, to respect the lay of the land and allow myself to learn what he is all about, what his faith may mean to him in contrast to my own.

We have not discussed such matters, he and I, and when next we have a sit down I must broach the subject. The last thing I want to do right now is find myself falling in love with him only to be rejected because of differences in religion. And since I will not give up my faith for anyone, it would end it if he asked me to.

No comments: