So, Akesios is pushing me to explore this distance i have set up between myself and humanity, and, as a result, between myself and the Gods. I should have seen it immediately, really, since it was one of the things I ran right into when Hestia was my focus. In her case the relevant revelation was that my concept of "home" should not be so enclosing or protective that it allowed nothing in or me out.
The basic idea remains the same, and Akesios is forcing me to face the fact that I have not yet learned my lsson, a lesson Hestia tried to get me to acknowledge and now Apollo forces me to confront and solve before I can move forward.
The problem is that this is all a rather large puzzle. It actually marks a rather major part of my base personality that I tend to be a little distant, a little reluctant to share, a little private (not that you'd know that from reading this blog, but I actually am all of those things) and while I have developed rather strong attachments to Athena and Hestia over the years, I have never really tried to form deeper relationships with any of the other Gods, except maybe Aphrodite, who I have given more worship to than I care to admit (cough), but those have not been deep spiritual experiences on the level I am hoping to establish with all this.
First and foremost, I have to stop isolating myself, and part of that will have to mean getting further involved in the local pagan community, friends, gay community, family, etc. The problem with that is that my natural "shyness" comes into play, and it becomes almost unbearably stifling to me when unknown people are involved.
Do the Gods want me to further involve myself with other pagans? Family and friends are obvious, but other Pagans always bug me a little, and I have to wonder what it is I should learn there. I guess Akesios is telling me that I will never know until I try...
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