Thursday, October 11, 2007

Apollon Akesios: Distance...

Distance is, and has always been, a problem for me. I never connected on an emotional level with my family, at least, not in the way most people seem to. For me, emotion is almost always intellectual in nature. When I see someone in need of help i help them because I think that is what a man should do, help someone in need. When I see a friend crying, I comfort him or her because I think that is what I should do, and because intellectually, it is something that I should do.

When it comes to family and close friends, there is a little bit more to it than that, but still, my reactions to whatever emotions come to me are intellectually motivated, not emotional impulse. This kind of emotional detachment is, I think, what Apollo wants me to explore first, and now that I think of it more carefully, it is something the dream indicates.

If you don't remember the dream, it was of a beautiful man, one colton ford, should you decide to look him up (beware, the images may not be kid friendly) and he is somehow bound and I, and someone I don't know, must carry him to a tent within which a wild orgy is occurring. He invites me to join in on the fun, and I decline, turning instead to enter my childhood home in Puerto Rico.

The distance there is that in the dream I am not the least bit desirous of entering the tent while in life I would probably jump in and have at it. And the decision seems, on retrospect, to be wholly unemotional. I turn away from something enjoyable, something that offers sensation and connection to the animal side of me, and that is something I do tend to do with regard to emotion.

Does the beautiful man represent emotion?

I need to try to explore that further...

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