Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Healing a broken heart

It seems to me that I got this vision of a star for a reason. I got it a long time ago, and have since gotten it more than a few times. I have spoken of it from time to time on lists I belong to, and have often gotten comments of interest and bewilderment. I have been forced to confront two very basic realities of human existence, that my self, home, tribe, and nation are all part of the shell that protects me from the world around me, and that as with all things, relying on it to excess is dangerous to the development of the human soul.

I have, in my life, suffered a great many deprivations. Each one has forced me to rely on others to get through them, and each time i had to rely on others a piece of my self reliant nature was stripped away. It becomes easy as time goes by to simply rely on the world around you to prop you up, hide you, protect you. Then, one day, you wake up, pick up, and move away from the people you know, love, and trust (even though they drive you insane) in order to force yourself to be your own person. In truth, the above should be written in the first person, as it describes me, but I think many if not most of us go through it at different times in our lives.

But the deprivations of my life have left me with what I can only call a broken heart, and by that I am making no reference to love relationships, but to a general broken spirit that has forced me to too often be harsh and cold hearted to the people I encounter. It has, that means, made me rather bitter with the world, and sometimes, with the Gods.

When I think on this, what I am trying to do here, I am astounded that until now I have never made the connection between my need for a tranquil home and the healing of my broken spirit. That this endeavor has forced me to look at my conception of home and then follow it with an examination of the great healer. That is, that I am in obvious need of healing, and it becomes clear as I go forth, have been for a long time.

Here's hoping I learn well from Apollo as I move forward into his domain.

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