Bad weeks...

It has been a very bad week. It seems no matter what I do everything is going wrong for no apparent reason. This happens to me from time to time, and I have yet to understand why? I am, of course, sure it happens to everyone, so I am not really pretending that I am the only one this happens to, the level of arrogance I would have to be capable of to do that would astound even me.

 

However, I try to look at the world with the understanding that the only perspective I have into that world is mine. That while I can read about other perspectives, I can only ever truly experience my own, and so I have to approach this that way.

 

When I say everything goes wrong all at once, what do I mean?

 

This week:

• Slow Week at work, hence no money
• Bike pedal arm is breaking, I ride a bike to work, and everywhere, out of some belief that I am doing my part to minimize my impact on the environment I share with others
• Bought tubes, which were mislabeled, so when I got a flat, and I did yesterday, and tried to fix it, they were useless
• My Mac has finally started to die in earnest, I will have to reboot it when I finish writing this, or risk losing more data
• My iPod is all buggered, but I think when I get a new mac and resync everything it should be ok, I think my dying Mac buggered the database in the iPod
• Just got a bill from the hospital, you don't want to know for how much.
• I can't get my Camera to turn on for some reason.
• The headphones I normally wear are suddenly all buggered.

 

Understand, all of this has happened in the last two days. And this is not about complaining. Shit happens, I get that, but now I have to deal with all this stuff in various ways, but the way relevant to this blog is how I deal with them internally.

 

A few years ago, before I started this blog and this journey along the star, I would have been enraged, probably broken a few things more just to prove to the world, which doesn't care, how upset I was at it, but in these last few years I have had to learn to deal with it all a bit differently. The anger, however, is still there, and while I do not let it become destructive rage anymore, it does do me harm internally.

 

Dealing with others becomes harder, because my mood is affected, and dealing with the public, which is so important to my livelihood, becomes harder. But yesterday opened my eyes to the level of work I have to do on myself because I really was not at all well inside. I can cover it up, and the people I work with often make it easy, because they tend to be fun, funny, and are willing to step back if asked, but the thoughts and dark feelings I kept experiencing were a reminder of the old me. Not rage, but certainly self destructive, because my spirit cannot handle this kind of self hatred, nor should I be doing that to myself.

 

That Hephaestos is in my life right now seems appropriate enough, as the God's myths and legends are ones of a figure trapped in a form that gives him much grief and which he must rise above. Is Hephaestos the god of inner turmoil expressed through external excellence? Is it he, not Apollo, who is ultimately the true artist god? And is he trying to call me back to a time in my life when I was an artist?

 

I said in my previous post that I needed an outlet for all these feelings, and art is the only outlet I can think of, other than, perhaps, taking a boxing class. But am I willing to go back there again? To a time in my life I remember so little of because of the broken mind that is my past? Is it a fear of exploring that part of my life what made me give up on art?

 

Maybe what I need is a therapist.

Exploring my inner anger.

Knowing that I have this inner anger, blessed be Hephaestos, and that it is directed at myself is different from understanding that anger. I have to find a means to focus my energies in such a way that I am not allowing them to become anger. Find a creative outlet that betters me, not makes it worse.

What is that? Is Hephaestos the key there?

 

Revelations

It sometimes comes from nowhere, the realization of a deep seeded truth, and it is also sometimes surprising to realize that the God you were focussing on was not a God you expected this kind of realization from, but then you are reminded that, yes, you should have considered both, the God and the Truth from the get go.

 

In my current path of self discovery, I have taken it upon myself to try to focus my attentions on one deity at a time, not ignoring the others, mind you, but trying to focus, meditate, and write about that deity as a way to try to learn from it. To try and bring to mind the aspects of that God that are both relevant and revealing so as to grow and be made whole by the experience.

 

I cam to a realization today while at work, and it is one that was staring me in the face yet remained unrecognized all these many years. You see, I am an angry person. Tears of abuse as a child, abandonment by a father who I still believe never loved us, though he may regret that now, abuse by teachers, fellow students, and the obliteration of what was my self esteem and, worst of all, my ability to relate to others on a sympathetic level was part of what made me turn away from most people. What most of that left me with, however, was rage.

 

As a man, rage is a normal reaction to adversity. We men like to fight or argue our way through problems. We beat them up until they either give or defeat us. It is part of our nature. But often that rage, that anger, turns against us because we are not taught how to focus it in such a way that it becomes a useful weapon in our arsenal. We men go to war with life, you see, and in doing so we try to force life to conform to our will, but that seldom actually happens, so we are left with more rage.

 

While it is often the fact that as we grow we learn how to redirect it, too often the way we redirect it is at ourselves. And that is what I realized today. For all my anger at my Mother for the beatings, at my father for the same followed by abandonment, at teachers for failing me or not caring, for friends who never seemed capable of understanding me, or even current friends to whom I am simply a convenience available when nothing better is available, the person I am really most angry at is myself, and I have done everything in my power to destroy myself, and almost succeeded. Not until I found the Gods did I begin the slow healing process, and now, with this fallen into my lap, I am feeling as if the tables turn, only now I must start all over again, because I cannot continue to allow the past to rule me, but must learn to see the present with new eyes. Eyes intent on not hating myself, not for what I became at their hands, but because once it was done, I had the ability to move beyond it, but didn't. Because this, all of this, is now my own fault, not anyone else's, and so I must find a way to alleviate that anger, that rage, that self loathing and grow.

 

But why has Hephaestus been the one to bring this to my attention?

 

I thought about that earlier today, as I mentally chided myself in tones you would not use to a dog, and realized that the Myths of Hephaestus speak of a being who, by the standards of the people of those days, should have hated himself, should have felt shame, despair, and self loathing. He was ugly, lame, and rejected, yet he laid claim to his power, and once he did, he elevated himself to Olympus itself to reclaim his divine birthright.

 

It is a lesson I must now take to heart, and hopefully do so without torturing myself about it, because if I do that, I will only fail yet again.

Remember

Remember him, who was taken from us

Before his dream was realized.

Remember his words, his deeds, his kindness

That we may live the world he dreamed.

Remember to treat your fellow man as a brother

And your sister as your equal.

Remember to live a life of justice and fairness

Not of greed and intolerance.

Remember him and be made humble

And in the names of the Gods make a promise of love and care.

Remember him as your brother, your equal, your hero

And don't be sorrowful, for his dream lives on, and so do we.

________________

 

Remember to learn from history, and from the heroes who gave their lives to offer us a better world, and remember Martin Luther King Junior, a man, a brother, a hero to us all.

Light The Bright Torches

Light bright the torches and run

In honor of the bright god of the forge

And in her honor, who wisdom loves

An armor polished and bright bear with you

Hephaestos and Athena, Wisdom and craft, be forever linked

And in this land be welcome

For ours is a people in need of your gifts

 

Light bright the torches and run

In honor of the brothers three

Who dwell above, below, and between

Who set forth the mighty winds

And shake the foundations of the earth

And down below await the spirits of the dead

For ours is a people languishing in despair

 

Light bright the torches and run

In honor of divine love

Who sets to loosening the thighs of maidens

And in the hearts of men sets fires to burning

And in our minds lights the desire to be better

For the sake of love and lust alike

For our is a people long lost in selfishness

 

Light bright the torches and run

In honor of the blessed Earth

Mother and protector of all life

Whose languid soul inspires us to live

Who in our hearts lights the will to survive

And in our souls connects us one to the other

For ours is a people in need of brotherhood

 

Light bright the torches and run

In honor of all who have come before us

And who bled for our land and virtue

Remembering what they have left to us

And hoping, Gods willing, we leave behind us a better world

That our children live a life of peace

For ours is a people in need of hope

 

 

This is Amphitrite

Lay low and look upon the surface of the sea

Watch as it moves near

The wave that seems so gentle, yet strong as an charging ox

 

That is her movement.

 

Sit in the sun and hear the sound of the sea

Listen as it seems to whisper

That sound so soft which builds to a maddening roar.

 

That is her voice.

 

Step into the tide and feel the cool waters  of the sea

Feel it as it softly embraces you

That feeling that gravity is now meaningless.

 

Those are her hands

 

Close your eyes and sense the spirit of the sea

That often forgotten and ever present being

That spirit which man once knew, yet whose name now seldom speaks.

 

That is Amphitrite.

 

 

Not sure about this one, but...

...as I sat and thought about the Gods this weekend, I was drawn to some music, specifically, to a song from the 90s called "Love & Happiness" done by a musical/DJ group called River Ocean, which was essenatially just India and Louie Vega. The song, sung by Latina songstress India, who sings parts of the song in the Yoruba used in Santeria, calls to the Yoruba goddesses Yemaya and Ochun, who are also known by other names in different parts of the African diaspora.

 

I was curious to gain more insight into the meaning of the song, though the invocations there seem very straight forward. What I found was details about two sea goddesses that, in many ways, are very similar to several of our own goddesses, especially Hera and Aphrodite. Now, Aphrodite is, of course, a sea goddess of sorts, as she was born of the foam of the sea itself, but the associations of these two goddesses as seen by the Yoruba, Brazilian, and Carribean people with marriage, love, wealth, children, connect them to many of our own.

 

Now, you know me, I hope, and you know I am not about to start praying to Yemaya and Ochun, as I am not the syncretic type when it comes to the Gods. Practices I may adopt, but not Gods, as I prefer to maintain a proper context in that realm because I do believe that context is actually very important to how we grow as spiritual beings. Without that context, I feel people are just grasping at straws or following the flavor of the month.

 

But it did get me thinking about something, and that is the sacred marriages of our religion. The Hieros Gamoi we associate with Hera and Zeus, or Hades and Persephone. Why is it we don't seem to have a similar view of this kind of sacredness when it comes to the third great Hieros Gamos, that of Amphitrite and Poseidon?

 

Amphitrite is an old goddess. She was said to have been among the greatest of goddesses, attending the birth of Apollo, yet she seems to be so rarely associated, in cult, with her husband. Is it that the marriage was seen as a forced thing, even by ancients, who saw their great sea goddess being subjugated under the heal of the patriarchal Poseidon? Or, perhaps, the cults of Amphitrite were already in such decline at the time that the myths were written about the marriage of these two that there was little to offer by way of worship and ritual about it?

 

The marriages of Gods are not always sacred affairs, at least not on a pan-Hellenic level, of course. The marriage of Aphrodite and Hephaestos is hardly one that yells "sacred" in the overall context of the Hellenic system, yet there must have been places where that marriage was celebrated with great reverence. Were it not so, the myths about its doom would not have been so popular.

 

I feel that we underestimate the role of Amphitrite, perhaps because she is, like Gaia, a vast figure who is sometimes hard to contemplate. Or simply because Hellenic and Roman writers were so quick to diminish her role to that of a simple personification of the sea, but I think perhaps we need to start paying more attention. Perhaps it is time that we established a Hieros Gamos celebration for Amphitrite and Poseidon.

 

When would such a thing have been celebrated, and what would have been the nature of it? Those are the questions now that I have to think about, because I could, of course, come up with a random date, but I would like to take into account a few things first, like, would such a celebration have been connected to the beginning of the sailing season?

 

Of course, any advice would be welcome, as I am serious about this. Establishing a celebration to honor the hieros gamos between Amphitrite and Poseidon.

Back to the Meditations

Now that Heliogenna has passed, and I'm sorry that I have not shared a lot about it, but this year saw me covering a lot of shifts at work that made it difficult for me to do anything special, but I did my 8 prayers/poems in 9 days thing, and I also did Heliogenna specific tweets over at my @HellenicPrayer feed and have been getting some nice feedback. I want to get back to working my way through what Hephaestos is in my life as I attempt to meditate on his divinity.

 

According to some of the ancients, he was a laboring god. Tirelessly working at the forge, he was the creator of such works of wonder as the spider web thin threads that trapped his wife, the throne that trapped his mother, and the magnificent palaces of the Olympian Gods themselves. Shields made by Hephaestus were said to be inlaid by such magnificent scenes that they were almost said to move. He took pride in his work, and that, my friends is a thing I have much trouble with.

 

I am a menial worker, not something I find shameful or anything, but I do get that "Why is someone as smart as you still a waiter at your age." If I am to be honest, I am not that smart, but beyond that, I am not sure I even enjoy my job, yet it has helped me become more sociable. It has helped me gain a better understanding of people, not exactly a good thing, to be honest, and it allows me a certain flexibility with time that other jobs would not.

 

But pride? What does it mean to take pride in one's work when that work is not appreciated in the least by those for whom you are doing it?

 

Hephaestus is placing that challenge in front of me, and I have to try and figure it out.

Heliogenna Day 9 - To Helios

(This was supposed to post on December 25th, but a problem with my software prevented it from doing so.)

 

Rise, O Helios, into the vault of heaven

Rise and bring us your light

Rise that we may see, and in turn be seen by you

Rise and be made welcome

 

Fly, O Helios, toward the awaiting West

Fly with the wind in your glorious hair

Fly to the sounds of our praise

Fly, triumphant and proud

 

Make way darkness of night, the Lord of the golden chariot is here

 

Rise, O Helios, into the vault of heaven

Rise and clear the way for the coming year

Rise and nourish plant and animal with your warmth

Rise and be loved, by all that lives upon the sacred Earth

 

Fly, O Helios, and we fly with you

Fly that we may pin our hopes to you

Fly that all may see your countenance

Fly and be adored

Heliogenna Day 8 - To Olympians and Chthonoi

Bright above you dwell in splendor

And in your golden palaces you hear song

And as you move about you smell from below the scent of offering

 

Dark below you dwell in Hades

And in the blessed Earth you hide

And as you move about the dripping offerings make their way to you

 

And from man you hear the sweet song of praise

And the desire to know you

That they may be enriched by your presence.

 

Bright above and dark below

The eternal balance maintained

Life and Death assured for all

 

Dark below and bright above

The promise of new life is made

And forever kept by your divine grace

 

And from man you hear the prayers of hope

And the will to make this a time of renewal

That all may be well and love be in their hearts forever more.

Heliogenna day 7, to Hyperion, Eros, and Heated

In times gone by
When man strode uncivilized upon the plains
You watched the world from above
As Titan, strong and proud
Radiant Hyperion

In times long gone
When the world was young
You drew Heaven and Earth together
And even now do you draw me to him, beauteous and arousing
You, Eros, beautiful and primal

In times gone by
Among us today
You walk the paths we fear to tread and lead us
Lady who walks between the worlds
Hekate of the brightly burning torches

And as we walk this path of life
Let us remember the light
Let us remember the passion
And with them light the future with our desire to reach higher
While remaining strong and grounded.

Heliogenna Day 6: To Helios, Dionysos, and Persephone

Rise into the bright cold sky.

Lord Helios, who shines so bright.

And leave behind the cold dark lands below.

Come forth and watch over us, and grant us the hope of a warmer day.

 

And from the ashes of Titans, blessed Dionysos, you were reborn.

The heart once of a babes in your heart was placed.

Your divinity, wild and undeniable, revealed at last.

Welcomed at last into the realms of eternity.

 

And to you, blessed Queen of Hades, a prayer of thanks.

You who give us hope for a Spring Time to come.

And who rest in the land below.

Grant us your presence today, as a reminder, blessed Persephone of the dark gowns.

 

I am not afraid.

No longer in mourning.

I celebrate today a new beginning.

A Sunrise soon to come.

 

Καλά Ηλιούγεννα!

Heliogenna, Day 5, the Day of Silence

On the 5th Day of Heliogenna, I write no poems, make no offerings. I usually do not light any candles or any kind of ritual activity, but this morning I did make the mistake of lighting my Virgin Altar, it has become such a part of my daily routine that I just forgot, and out of respect, I did not extinguish it.

 

This is the Day of the Solstice, the Day the Sun God is is in the underworld the longest, and then he will rise.

 

See you all tomorrow.

Heliogenna, Day 4: To Helios, Dionysos, and Hades

Heliogenna, Day Four, To Helios, Dionysos, and Hades

 

In the light of day, I walk

In the darkness of night, I dance

The eternal ballet between the light of reason and the turmoil of madness.

To Helios I offer

From Helios I ask

For favors of warmth and light.

 

In the sunlight, I pray

In the moonlight, I cry

The eternal passions of my fractured soul.

 

To Dionysos I pray

From Dionysos I ask

For favors of enlightenment and sanity.

 

In the day time, I wonder

In the nigh time, I fear

The eternal darkness that awaits us all.

 

To Hades I offer

From Hades I ask

For favors of silver and gold.

 

In Day’s brightness, I see

In Night’s darkness, I sense

The eternal truths of worldly divinity.

 

To these Gods, I offer

To these Gods, I pray

For favors not meant for me.

Heliogenna, Day 3: To The Protognoi

Heliogenna, Day Three, To the Protogonoi

 

And in the beginning

On the boundless sea of nothingness

You spread your mighty wings

Dark and mighty Nyx

 

And into this boundless sea also came Erebus

The impenetrable darkness

Your eternal mate

Father of Death and dreams

 

And resplendent in beauty came he

Who draws men nearer

And loosens the knees with passion

Most glorious Eros, of the beautiful face

 

And broad bossomed mother

Who brings forth the mountains and the caves

And serves as the fount of all mortal life

Ever giving Gaea

 

And to surround them came he

Who was formless yet powerful

The first ocean

Mighty Pontus, of the foaming waves.

 

And to Ge was born he

Who would betray she who loved him

Self proclaimed King of the Heavens

Father of Titans, Ouranos, the castrated.

 

And on this, third day of Heliogenna, we call on you who were the first.

On this day we do you honor

Blessed Protogonoi, fathers and mothers of the universe.

Heliogenna, Day 2: The Mighty Twelve

Heliogenna, Day Two, to the Olympians

 

Shining bright you reign in heaven.

Shining bright you give us hope.

Shining bright you bring us close to nature.

 

You, O blessed Olympians, eternal and divine.

 

In darkness you guide us.

In darkness you ground us.

In darkness you light the way.

 

You, O mighty Olympians, brilliant yet obscure.

 

In our hearts you make us feel.

In our hearts you inspire us.

In our hearts you reward us.

 

You, O mighty Olympians, omnipresent and serene.

 

Heliogenna, Day 1: The Moon Hides

Heliogenna, Day One, to the Hyperionides.

 

The sky is rosy

The clouds are pink

The Sun awaits his day

 

The Moon heads for the Western shore

 

The sky grows lighter

The gates of heaven open

The immortal steeds are eager

 

The Moon arrives at her gates

 

The blinding light

The hues of blue

The rays of his crown

The Moon shines bright upon the dead

 

The all-seeing Lord

The eternal gate keeper

The watcher of the night

 

The Moon hides her face from man

The Reason for the Season

It's about this time of year that Fox News riles up the Christofascists into a frenzy over the "War on Christmas". Maybe when someone demands that you say Merry Christmas you can hand them a copy of this article over on Patheos. It is quite a nice piece.

Christ Is Not The Reason For The Season.

The lame duck

In myth, Hephaestos is lame. His feet are damaged and he is seen as being ugly or deformed. This would have been, in the mythic cycle, a set of very distinct features because all of the Gods of Olympus, save he, are said to be of the most perfect form of beauty. They are tall, bright, powerful, and their appearance is such that it brings tears to the eye, so beautiful.

 

That Hephaestos is ugly and lame makes him the only God of so exalted a position, an Olympian God, who is not simply perfect in his beauty. I find this aspect of the God a hard one, not because I find it hard to accept the idea of an ugly God, but because I find a lot in that to relate to, yet, to be honest, I don't want to relate to it. I don't want to see myself that way, yet I do, and it is not simply me being self loathing, though I suppose there is some of that there, but an honest appraisal.

 

I am an ugly man, and at one time that was an ugliness that went deep. I was nearly insane in my mind, and it was getting away from my family, though I love them dearly, that has allowed me to heal, or be in the process of healing, my inner self. The outer self now requires some assistance, some care, some beautifying.

 

When I read the stories of Hephaestos and the way his parents threw him from Olympus and the horrible deformity that caused, I am reminded of my own childhood, the abuse, the loneliness, the fear, and it brings back memories that I find difficult to deal with on an emotional level, though on an intellectual level I acknowledge and accept them.

 

This whole blog is about me trying to discover things about myself while attempting to understand the divine, and in so doing allowing those two things to sink in and help me heal myself.

 

As the stories go, and in myth there is never just one version of a story, Hera and Zeus were in a most contentious marriage. Zeus was a philanderer and Hera a jealous being. Either Zeus and Hera had the child or Hera, in anger and out of revenge, decided to bear a child without a father as Zeus had borne the goddess Athena. (He did so from his forehead, and one myth tells of Hephaestos already being there and assisting in that birth)

 

The anger and fights were legendary in this marriage, and either the child was born with some defect which Hera could not bear, or her anger at the child caused her to throw the child from the heavens and his landing on the earth caused his deformities. Whatever the case, the child ended up on earth and was taken care of by Eurynome and Thetis.

 

I am reminded here of my early childhood, the abuse of my mother by my father, and the way her own anger was often thrown our way. The beatings and the harsh words would break me, of this I am sure, and among all this the burgeoning knowledge in myself that I was different from other people. I was not only very precocious, something neither of my parents were equipped to recognize (I made rather logical assumptions about my parents fairly early on, at ages 7 or 8 I was aware already that they would eventually go their separate ways, and I was happy about it) but I was also already recognizing that I was not like other boys. I did not like girls the same way they do. (I am sorta 85% gay, but identify as gay) And in the mid 70's in Puerto Rico, that was not a good thing, socially.

 

Zeus and Hera, of course, never divorce. They are an eternal couple, but in my head, they had a marriage based on status and necessity. Not that there is no love, I cannot claim to know what Gods feel, but the mythic characters based on their divine reality seem this way to me. Their interactions with their children are rarely if ever shown to be loving, at least in a way our modern culture attributes as loving, and in many ways, this is exactly how my own childhood was.

 

Of course, my early childhood and my later childhood were different in many ways, but that period of my life left me with great scars. I feel, in my mind, that I am grateful that in the end my mother did leave my father and that although the abusive behavior from her did not stop with that, it diminished over the years and through her experiences with us, as well as my eventually growing too big for my mother to abuse and confronting her with the fact, she changed. If the abuse I suffered as a child led to her changing as a person, and my two youngest sisters (from her second marriage, another abusive man, though his abuse was only toward her, never the kids) getting to grow up with a much nicer, kinder, gentler person, I have to say it was worth it.

 

But Hephaestos gets his revenge on his mother, not in a vicious way, though he does bind her, he does so by claiming his place on Olympus, and by becoming the greatest of all craftsmen, the beauty of his work reflecting the beauty of his interior where his exterior did not.

 

So, I should look at myself and see the outer ugliness, and seek to do something about it, but to also look at how I express the beauty that may lie within me so that people see that beauty and learn to appreciate it, regardless of what I may look like on the outside.

 

To Hephaestos, Lord of the flames.

The fires are lit.

The boys are set to run.

The light of the torches they bear warm the night.

 

The sacrifices are waiting.

The wine will be poured.

The songs in your honor will bring joy to our hearts.

 

The barley will be sprinkled.

The altar will be consecrated.

The power of your spirit will infuse it as we pray.

 

The boys run.

The torches smoke.

The worshippers anxiously await them.

 

They arrive, smiling and proud.

The altar fire is set to burning.

The priests sing forth to you in the chill breeze.

 

The song reaches it zenith.

The sacrifices are made.

The glorious scents of the altar rise to his perception.

 

The God is called.

The God arrives.

The divine spirit of the forge is brought to the hearts of man.

 

The pious rejoice.

The people feast.

The night rolls forth into day.

To Hephaestos

It burns, the heat

It gives you pain, the hammer

It folds like a serpent, the metal

And in your hands it is made art

 

It is a burden, this talent

It is a joy, this gift

It is a curse, this body

And in your chest your heart is heavy

 

They rejected you, who should have loved you

They belittled you, who should have cared

They threw you down from heaven, who should have protected you

And by the kindness of another you were saved

 

They did not love you, your parents

They did not appreciate you, your brethren

They did not know they needed you, all who lived

And with your skill you convinced them

 

It is our pleasure, to receive you

It is our gift, to know you

It is our shame, should we reject you

And by your divine presence are we forever humbled

 

The benefits of work...

Hephaestos is the god of work. In his manifestation to the Greeks as a Smith, he places himself in a position to be a God of hard, harsh, and often painful work. He works at a trade that is capable of producing much beauty, utility, and protection. He can make a sword for the heroic soldier, or a shield for the heavenly lady of battles, or inlay into metal the most astonishingly beautiful of designs, but in doing so he may also hurt himself. His pained hands, his burned forearms, his bent back as he works tirelessly to create as if from the very fires of creation, that which he must.

 

We all experience this kind of thing. We all go to work and bring to our minds and bodies stresses that, unfortunately, can also harm us tremendously even as we seek to create or serve. In Hephaestos we have the spirit that allows us this, to dedicate ourselves to a task and be happy, or do one grudgingly and be miserable. We get to choose.

 

As I was working yesterday, a job with which I have a love/hate relationship for sure, I noticed something important, and which now prompts me to ponder this further, and that is that the same job, doing the same thing, with the same obnoxious clientele, can be both pleasant or miserable all at the same time, and that it isn't the job that decides that, it's me. By bringing to bear a certain mindset, by running that internal program that slows me down and makes me think most clearly, I make the job enjoyable. I do it.

 

And so it is that today I am hoping to dedicate myself to training my mind to do that, to bring the spirit of Hephaestos into my heart as I toil away and give myself over not to the misery of it, but to the surprising pleasure that having something to do everyday can bring, and while I would still rather be home writing a blog entry or playing Angry Birds, I can take solace in knowing that what I am doing is allowing me to work my way through life rather than depending on others.

In sickness...

I have been sick this week. Well, actually, I have been sick since I moved to Ohio 12 years ago. Moving here has brought on a plethora of allergies and health issues that I never knew I had. I don't know what it is about this area that causes this, but I am assured by the people here that it is not uncommon for people to move here to suffer from a variety of issues, especially sinus and respiratory ones.

 

I suppose it would be a bit fallacious of me to pin the cause on the level of pollution here, or the way this area, known as the Miami River Valley, sits at some kind of weird crossroads of weather that brings so much stuff from both the North and the South to bear, but I think maybe the way the people in this area seem to care so little about things like the ecology might have something to do with it.

 

Sticking with my current mentor on this path along the star, Hephaestus, I remember a story told of our God of Smiths, a story in which the God makes himself part of the land, and by doing so, brings industry to it.

 

As the story goes, Hephaestus is an ugly God. This is, of course, a rare thing. The Gods of Olympus are of the most utterly beautiful of forms, but the God was hurled to the Earth in anger in a battle between his parents, and his landing upon the Earth rendered him broken and ugly to most eyes.

 

Thusly, Hephaestus was also a lonely God, and in his desire to love and be loved, he sought to make Athena, the great virgin goddess of Athens, his wife. To you and me this would, perhaps, entail a courtship and a very special question, but in a time long ago, when women were often simply taken, this meant something a kin to rape.

 

He spied Athena, lovely virgin goddess, and attempted to take her. But this is not just any goddess, this is Athena, goddess of war, favored daughter of Zeus, she who protects and defends with both strategy and action, and so it was she fought him off, and in his attempt, this frottage, Hephaestus spills his seed upon her leg. In disgust, she wipes away the offending seed with a piece of woven wool cloth, perhaps woven by her own hand, and tosses it to the ground.

 

There the divine seed takes root upon the eternally fertile Earth, and from it is born the snake footed Erichthonios. Athena takes the child as her own, and raises him. It is said she places him in a box, and in the land of Athens he is raised and protected and eventually becomes the first King of Athens.

 

Now, why this came to my mind this week as I pondered my own illness is, perhaps, a clue to how I think. Hephaestus is a god of Smiths, of industry, and Athena is, in many ways, a personification of the spirit of the people of Attika. She is Athens, he is industry, and through the connection they share to Erichthonios I see Hephaestos, and industry, as coming to Athens.

 

But along with industry comes the byproduct of industry, pollution, and from pollution comes much illness, and in this area, the not so clean air has lead me to be far sicker than I ever was in my previous home in Connecticut. So the idea of industry came to mind and how, as a nation, we have allowed it to ruin so much of our birthright. The very land that maintains us, nourishes us, keeps us safe and alive.

 

At which point do we wake up and say enough, and how do we do so while allowing the manifestation of the force that is Hephaestus in our lives, the desire to build, create, and profit from our labor?

 

I won't claim to have the answers to this, but I do need to take a better look at my own spending habits, and by doing so put my money where my mouth is. Buying things I know are good for me and my environment, not buying those things I know are harmful, and trying my best to avoid buying from businesses that are abusive or destructive.

 

Now, where do I find that information?

 

Suggestions?

Hephaestos

 

I must admit that Hephaestus is going to be a hard one for me. I long ago seem to have left my artistic sensibilities behind, and I do tend to see Hephaestus as an artist. A god who inspires us to achieve great beauty with even the most seemingly ugly of materials.

 

I was once an artistic type. I even did a stint in art school, but that was before the darkness took me and I struggled for years with almost debilitating depression and even suicidal tendencies. I still struggle, you see, with the pains in my head. Most are real, and some are imagined or postulated by my mind and held onto so that today I find myself wondering which were real and which were figments.

 

That my mind was thus tortured is not something I am proud of. I feel very often that if I had just been stronger I could have become something great, but that too is speculative imagination. There is no way to know such a thing, and besides, I wouldn't be me had my life gone different, and I have grown to rather like me, even if I still have tremendous issues with my ugly exterior.

 

But those artistic sensibilities make their way to the surface from time to time, thanks to Apollo, and in so much as I often make my living space a thing of beauty even with thrift store materials, I feel that Hephaestus is active in my life. Seeing what might come of a thing lacking in value or intrinsic beauty. Working beyond my own handicaps even as the god himself is said to do to bring something of beauty into being, even if it is only beautiful to me.

 

So there it is, the first lesson Hephaestos has taught me.

 

Halloween Prayer

Standing at the precipice

where light meets darkness

and the moon weaves her spell over the night.

 

They stand, torches in hand

waiting to guide you across

To the land where shadows dwell.

 

You who this year made your way there

You who will be always remembered

You who will pass from the world.

 

Down into the depths of our Mother

where the waters of forgetfulness await you

and the Ferryman lights your lonely voyage.

 

Across the mighty Styx

and into the darkness of dissolution

into Oblivion's welcoming hands.

 

You who will hold a place in our hearts

You who inspired us

You who brought joy to us.

 

To this place you will be guided

by lovely Hekate who protects

and heavenly Hermes who guards the boundaries.

 

You of the pleasing smile

You of the comforting tears

You who have passed this year.