Monday, August 24, 2009
Sacred Sexuality
I have been pondering the idea of sacred sexuality, and I have had some stumbling blocks set in my own mind by the prudish culture I live in. After all, Christian dominated culture, like so many other cultures, sex is a base, dirty, and sometimes even evil thing that so many Christians (saying Christian here because America is a Christian dominated culture, but this would apply to Judaism, Islam, and even Hinduism too) seem to almost fear. It is a strange and dichotomous thing, of course, because in the same cultures where sex is so prudishly handled, it is also a strong underground economic power house. If you think there isn’t a great deal of illicit sexual behavior going on in Islamic countries, for example, then you are fooling yourself.
The ancients also had their hang ups about sexuality itself, but sex itself does not seem to have been one of them, at least not among the Greeks and Romans. To them sex was a natural thing that everyone had, but there were matter of status, social standing, and the perception of “masculinity” that had to be considered when having sex. This could be, to those who were caught up in the wrong classes (the very high end and the slaves), a horror because for slaves, sex could be something that was constantly forced on them while for the very high levels of society, men and women were trapped in rather strict proscriptions of what was or was not proper sexual behavior. In the middle, somewhere, there was a sort of free for all where people could engage prostitutes, have homosexual affairs, and essentially fuck whatever moved without much fear of reprisal, except perhaps from a jealous lover or wife.
The concepts of “Gay” and “Straight” were not really defined forms then. People were not categorized, in general, by their sexualities as people were mostly free to partake of whatever sexuality they wished, the higher classes having the need for extreme caution and discretion. There were no gay communities. People did not identify as homo or hetero, they just did what they felt like doing.
One of the concepts that has come down to us through the filter of study, and no doubt partially tainted by Christian bias on the subject, is the concept of sacred sexuality. The field is not often studied, mostly because of the bias of our culture on the subject, but we do know that sex could often be part of a festival experience. That when our ancient forefathers practiced the honoring or celebration of the Gods it could become what we call an orgy of partying and sexual liberation.
But what is sacred about sexuality and how can we, as moderns, apply it to our lives, our worship, and our ideas about love, life, and the divine?
Allow me to say that there is a clear distinction between sex being itself a ritual and ritual evolving into an orgy-like experience. And to that add the fact that the word we get orgy from, orgia, was not seen in the same way, not defined the same way, as we do today.
When we think of the term “Orgy” in our modern parlance, we think of a sex party. People get together, they eat, drink, they have sex in a group which dynamically shifts and changes while it is alive with the sexual energy of the participants. In ancient times, however, the orgia was a religious activity which was expected not to be a sexual event, but an ecstatic event. When Pentecostals worship and go into their Dionysian talking in tongues, they are worshipping in a form of orgia. When celebrants of tribal religions in Africa, the Carribean, Brasil, and other areas heavily influenced by ancient African religion undergo what is called possession, they are worshipping in the form of an orgia. It is an ecstatic experience in which the human mind is elevated (some might say lowered) to a different state of being. In this state, the man or woman is lost in his worship. One can say that they are possessed in a way, moved by the spirit, the god, or the ghost that is being called.
In a group setting, in cultus, this kind of ecstatic unleashing of the primal aspects of our minds and bodies can easily lead to unbridled sexuality. The unleashing of the mind from the normal societal restraints leads participants into activities, not just sex, that they might not otherwise partake of, and here is where sacred sexuality comes in.
To me, simply setting up an sacred orgia because one wants to get laid is just an orgy, and if you want to do that, do it, it is fun, exciting, and an experience worth having, but don’t lie to yourself and say you are doing it for the god. If sexuality happens within the context of a religious experience, a spontaneous event, then that is truly sacred. That is truly inspired by the gods.
I admit to having often been carried away with myself in sex and once or twice lost myself in a kind of spiritual haze when I am with a man, or men, who touch me on a deeper level than just the physical, and that too is a kind of sacred acknowledgment of the bonds of sex, so sometimes it just happens to us without seeking it out, when we are falling in love as we make love, and that, my friends, is the greatest gift Aphrodite gives us all in the act of worship. The ability, if we are open to it, to get lost in one of the most basic of the activities of life and raise it to the heights of the sacred.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Quick Note
One of the things I really love is the comics medium. The superhero is our modern form of mythology, and in many ways I see it that way, expressing ideas about the world, human nature, and even the divine that are more subconscious than most of us would imagine.
So I started a Comics blog over at blogger: http://metahumanism.blogspot.com/
It’s mostly ramblings about different comic books concepts and my opinions of different series, but maybe you might like it.
So I started a Comics blog over at blogger: http://metahumanism.blogspot.com/
It’s mostly ramblings about different comic books concepts and my opinions of different series, but maybe you might like it.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Walk Along
Walk along.
On the pathway that leads to places you can't imagine.
In darkness not absolute.
Where sound and sight become one.
Walk along.
On the pathway that twists and turns unto itself.
In darkness and fear.
Where all your fears are made manifest and conquered.
Walk along.
On the pathways of the Earth.
In darkness of the soul.
Where you find yourself and rejoice.
Walk along.
On the pathways of the Lady of the Dead.
In darkness and hope.
Where the Persephone's labyrinth leads.
Walk along.
On the pathways that go full circle.
In darkness destroyed.
Where light is reborn to light the way.
On the pathway that leads to places you can't imagine.
In darkness not absolute.
Where sound and sight become one.
Walk along.
On the pathway that twists and turns unto itself.
In darkness and fear.
Where all your fears are made manifest and conquered.
Walk along.
On the pathways of the Earth.
In darkness of the soul.
Where you find yourself and rejoice.
Walk along.
On the pathways of the Lady of the Dead.
In darkness and hope.
Where the Persephone's labyrinth leads.
Walk along.
On the pathways that go full circle.
In darkness destroyed.
Where light is reborn to light the way.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Back to Aphrodite...
One of the things I am having to deal with is this economy. A person like me can sometimes be almost immune to these economic downturns because, to be honest, I have no money anyway, but I have also had to deal with illness, and bills from hospitals that I cannot pay and government programs that are supposed to help people like saying no to me.
I am not going to take up this space to talk about universal health care or anything, but I do want to take this chance to talk about my mental health during these times when everything seems to have collapsed around me. In the online Hellenistic (we need a different adjective to differentiate between us and the Greeks, who are traditionally Hellenes) community, many people have seen me go through some rather whacky behavior. I have suffered from depression and mild bi-polarism since I was in my teens, and it often showed in the way I dealt with people.
Even after finding the Gods, I was a mess, but then I discovered the hindu and buddhist tradition of meditation and prayer as meditation (rather than simply speaking for the Gods to hear) and have learned to create within me a level of peace that is very different from anything I have felt before.
I don’t spend a lot of time in meditation, I don’t practice it the way a Hindu or Buddhist might, but I have learned to use what I have learned of it to force myself to focus and think, often by invoking a God to guide me in the process, and over these last five years I have become a much more peaceful person. I have learned to be outspoken, yet more considerate (still honest though, because I try not to be too much of a fake) and at the same time how to control the rampant emotions that have caused me so much pain in the past.
As I try to focus my attention on Aphrodite during this time when I am on her point on the star, I am reminded that there is one thing I need to meditate on that I have neglected. Self love. No, not masturbation, but actual love of myself. Exploring the things that I find are worth loving about myself and why. I am not sure how to do this yet, but I have to explore it, because I am being pushed to discover myself, and if I can’t discover what it is about that is worth loving, then what exactly is the point of all this?
Blessings!
I am not going to take up this space to talk about universal health care or anything, but I do want to take this chance to talk about my mental health during these times when everything seems to have collapsed around me. In the online Hellenistic (we need a different adjective to differentiate between us and the Greeks, who are traditionally Hellenes) community, many people have seen me go through some rather whacky behavior. I have suffered from depression and mild bi-polarism since I was in my teens, and it often showed in the way I dealt with people.
Even after finding the Gods, I was a mess, but then I discovered the hindu and buddhist tradition of meditation and prayer as meditation (rather than simply speaking for the Gods to hear) and have learned to create within me a level of peace that is very different from anything I have felt before.
I don’t spend a lot of time in meditation, I don’t practice it the way a Hindu or Buddhist might, but I have learned to use what I have learned of it to force myself to focus and think, often by invoking a God to guide me in the process, and over these last five years I have become a much more peaceful person. I have learned to be outspoken, yet more considerate (still honest though, because I try not to be too much of a fake) and at the same time how to control the rampant emotions that have caused me so much pain in the past.
As I try to focus my attention on Aphrodite during this time when I am on her point on the star, I am reminded that there is one thing I need to meditate on that I have neglected. Self love. No, not masturbation, but actual love of myself. Exploring the things that I find are worth loving about myself and why. I am not sure how to do this yet, but I have to explore it, because I am being pushed to discover myself, and if I can’t discover what it is about that is worth loving, then what exactly is the point of all this?Blessings!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Shame!
The Gods are walking.
They are walking away.
We are not calling to them anymore.
Shame!
The Gods are staring down.
Staring down in disbelief.
We are killing each other over words.
Shame!
The Gods are listening.
Listening in horror.
We spew our hatred couched in words of concern.
Shame!
The Gods are hating.
Hating what we have become.
Bathing in the mud of a false religion.
Shame!
The Gods feel.
Feel our pain and anguish.
Feel we are lying to them with every breath.
Shame!
The Gods are.
They live and watch.
Perhaps ready to turn their backs on us for good.
Shame!
They are walking away.
We are not calling to them anymore.
Shame!
The Gods are staring down.
Staring down in disbelief.
We are killing each other over words.
Shame!
The Gods are listening.
Listening in horror.
We spew our hatred couched in words of concern.
Shame!
The Gods are hating.
Hating what we have become.
Bathing in the mud of a false religion.
Shame!
The Gods feel.
Feel our pain and anguish.
Feel we are lying to them with every breath.
Shame!
The Gods are.
They live and watch.
Perhaps ready to turn their backs on us for good.
Shame!
Friday, August 7, 2009
The Gods in Myth: Malicious?
Since I brought up the subject of seeking guidance from the Gods, opening oneself up to whatever guidance from them one might glean in the world, I have to ask a question here.
Do you perceive the Gods the way they are often portrayed in myth, as often malicious, short tempered, and violent beings who play with the lives of man for sport?
I do not, you see, and I tend to see Myth as interpretations of the nature of the Gods in a way that the ancient Greeks were capable of doing.
I see the Gods as a fairly neutral force in the lives of human beings. We have free will, so we are capable of choosing, and with choice comes consequence, consequence we must be willing to accept if we are to accept our free will and all the responsibilities that come from it.
But when it comes to myth, we are often faced with a view of the Gods that is a bit unsavory. All religions face this. YHWH, or El, is not really a very pleasant God in the old testament, Egyptian Gods are often odd in their behavior toward mankind, and the Hindu Gods are, like the Greek Gods, very mischievous. But i think most religions realize that the stories of the Gods are interpretations of a divine reality that we do not really have full access to. This means that the nature of the Gods, whether you see them in Judaeo/Christian, Hindu, Egyptian, Aztec, etc. terms, is one that is different from what we see in myth. That they act not out of maliciousness, or even beneficence, but out of necessity, which the Greeks called “ananke”.
This leaves me with a bit of a problem. I, like most, do ask the Gods for guidance, help, the occasional lottery numbers, etc. But believing as I do means that I know they will not directly grant these things. That is not their function. That is not what the Gods do, so I believe that we open ourselves up to guidance by seeing what the Gods do do in our world, and hope that i learn good lessons and how to behave in such a way that I will be led in the right direction.
Do you perceive the Gods the way they are often portrayed in myth, as often malicious, short tempered, and violent beings who play with the lives of man for sport?
I do not, you see, and I tend to see Myth as interpretations of the nature of the Gods in a way that the ancient Greeks were capable of doing.
I see the Gods as a fairly neutral force in the lives of human beings. We have free will, so we are capable of choosing, and with choice comes consequence, consequence we must be willing to accept if we are to accept our free will and all the responsibilities that come from it.
But when it comes to myth, we are often faced with a view of the Gods that is a bit unsavory. All religions face this. YHWH, or El, is not really a very pleasant God in the old testament, Egyptian Gods are often odd in their behavior toward mankind, and the Hindu Gods are, like the Greek Gods, very mischievous. But i think most religions realize that the stories of the Gods are interpretations of a divine reality that we do not really have full access to. This means that the nature of the Gods, whether you see them in Judaeo/Christian, Hindu, Egyptian, Aztec, etc. terms, is one that is different from what we see in myth. That they act not out of maliciousness, or even beneficence, but out of necessity, which the Greeks called “ananke”.
This leaves me with a bit of a problem. I, like most, do ask the Gods for guidance, help, the occasional lottery numbers, etc. But believing as I do means that I know they will not directly grant these things. That is not their function. That is not what the Gods do, so I believe that we open ourselves up to guidance by seeing what the Gods do do in our world, and hope that i learn good lessons and how to behave in such a way that I will be led in the right direction.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Finding Guidance
You ever have things happen to you and rather than just have them be things that happen you choose to use them as signs from the Gods?
I don’t do that often, too often it seems like superstition, but after writing the previous post and having a nut tell me I am stalking him when clearly he is projecting something on to me (He even contacted a friend of mine and talked about me as if I were someone else, someone in his own mind, and he does not know my friend anymore than he really knows me) I decided that Aphrodite was telling me to open my eyes and notice all the frickin nut cases that are out there and how I really need to take the idea of meeting people with a grain of salt and with some clear precautions.
The Gods, it is said, use the world around us as a way to tell us things. I prefer to think that they force us to see the world in new ways, not that they manipulate the world for my benefit. Just force me to actually see it rather than see it through my rose colored shades. And I guess Aphrodite has forced me to take a good look at some of the people I have had come into my life in the last few years and be a little afraid.
I don’t do that often, too often it seems like superstition, but after writing the previous post and having a nut tell me I am stalking him when clearly he is projecting something on to me (He even contacted a friend of mine and talked about me as if I were someone else, someone in his own mind, and he does not know my friend anymore than he really knows me) I decided that Aphrodite was telling me to open my eyes and notice all the frickin nut cases that are out there and how I really need to take the idea of meeting people with a grain of salt and with some clear precautions.
The Gods, it is said, use the world around us as a way to tell us things. I prefer to think that they force us to see the world in new ways, not that they manipulate the world for my benefit. Just force me to actually see it rather than see it through my rose colored shades. And I guess Aphrodite has forced me to take a good look at some of the people I have had come into my life in the last few years and be a little afraid.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Changes
I have made a few changes to the blog, which include a change in how the comments work. I am being harassed by someone, not sure why, but he has it in his head that I somehow owe him my friendship and attention, and I am unwilling to give it so he follows me and comments on me, changing his name or using anonymous comment posts. I can detect his writing style, so I almost always know it is him, so I have made it so no more anonymous posts can be made to the comments section.
I don’t get a lot of people commenting here, so I don’t think I am inconveniencing many people at all, but if I do inconvenience you, I apologize. Reading the blog will not change, and anyone can do it.
I don’t get a lot of people commenting here, so I don’t think I am inconveniencing many people at all, but if I do inconvenience you, I apologize. Reading the blog will not change, and anyone can do it.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Seeking Guidance...
Today I am praying for some guidance. Of course, this whole blog is actually about my search for guidance, but when it comes to Aphrodite, guidance can be a tricky thing. If you think about it, when you ask a deity like Athena for guidance, you are asking for strength, strategy, and the wisdom to use both. That seems straight forward. When you ask a deity like Apollo for guidance, you are asking for health and the where with all to be a healthy person, inside and out, which includes artistic expression as a form of psychological health. Straight forward.
But, when you ask Aphrodite, you are asking for a broad spectrum of things that are all part of Emotion, Love, and the physical expression of those emotions which are so often sexual or sensual in nature that it is often hard to decide when something you are feeling is the manifestation of her guidance or a manifestation of your own emotional illnesses.
We all feel emotion all the time, it is part of what we are, and Aphrodite, more than any other deity, is the force of nature that is that rampant and chaotic thing we call our inner emotional selves. But when you seek her guidance, when you seek for her to send you onto a particular path, how do you know which parts of what you are feeling are her guidance and which are just your own random emotions and thoughts? So as I try to ask for a particular path to walk on, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed here.
So, what exactly is it I am asking for?
I have not been in a relationship of any kind for a couple of years here. After I broke it off with Jim, I let a year or so go by before trying to get another relationship going, which was with a very nice but somewhat troubled man named Todd, and that did not end well. It did not end well because he was troubled by depression, something I have struggled with in my life, but he was not willing to talk about it. And after I told him I was definitely falling for him, he seemed to fall deeper into depression and I simply decided that I could not be his psychiatrist and decided to end it before I let myself fall into a trap of co-dependence.
I always try to leave time between any kind of romantic relationship. I don't like to jump from one boyfriend to the next, I think it cheapens the idea of a relationship if they are so easily replaced. But I also feel that I am at a point right now where I will not be placing my expectations or bitterness about my last relationship on a new one, so I am hoping to find her guidance in this. I want her to guide me to someone I can spend time with and be happy with. Forever? I don't know, that might be a bit much to place on any relationship, but certainly someone I can try to make that happen with.
Now to decipher all the feelings and thoughts that come with that state of mind....
But, when you ask Aphrodite, you are asking for a broad spectrum of things that are all part of Emotion, Love, and the physical expression of those emotions which are so often sexual or sensual in nature that it is often hard to decide when something you are feeling is the manifestation of her guidance or a manifestation of your own emotional illnesses.
We all feel emotion all the time, it is part of what we are, and Aphrodite, more than any other deity, is the force of nature that is that rampant and chaotic thing we call our inner emotional selves. But when you seek her guidance, when you seek for her to send you onto a particular path, how do you know which parts of what you are feeling are her guidance and which are just your own random emotions and thoughts? So as I try to ask for a particular path to walk on, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed here.
So, what exactly is it I am asking for?
I have not been in a relationship of any kind for a couple of years here. After I broke it off with Jim, I let a year or so go by before trying to get another relationship going, which was with a very nice but somewhat troubled man named Todd, and that did not end well. It did not end well because he was troubled by depression, something I have struggled with in my life, but he was not willing to talk about it. And after I told him I was definitely falling for him, he seemed to fall deeper into depression and I simply decided that I could not be his psychiatrist and decided to end it before I let myself fall into a trap of co-dependence.
I always try to leave time between any kind of romantic relationship. I don't like to jump from one boyfriend to the next, I think it cheapens the idea of a relationship if they are so easily replaced. But I also feel that I am at a point right now where I will not be placing my expectations or bitterness about my last relationship on a new one, so I am hoping to find her guidance in this. I want her to guide me to someone I can spend time with and be happy with. Forever? I don't know, that might be a bit much to place on any relationship, but certainly someone I can try to make that happen with.
Now to decipher all the feelings and thoughts that come with that state of mind....
Monday, July 20, 2009
Shame or embarrassment?
So, what is it I actually feel with regard to a lot of my own sexual and emotional past? Is it shame, embarrassment, or simply a sense of propriety? I have been forced to ask myself this as I pondered the things I wrote in the last couple of entries.
On the one hand, I tend to be fairly open with my friends, and with you all, about much of what I like and what I sometimes do, while some things simply remain hidden away in me because I either feel embarrassed or perhaps because I feel that some things should just be private out of a sense of propriety. Others I hold on to out of a sense that I want them to be all mine and sharing them would somehow cheapen them.
Now, all of these seem perfectly normal, right? We all reveal somethings and hide others as a matter f course. We have public and private matters in our lives, but mine are a bit conflicting and often don’t make sense.
On the one hand, I am perfectly willing to tell you that I love to indulge in sex. Sex with a lover, or with a group, in totally random and anonymous forms as well as in loving unions between myself and someone I feel utterly attracted to. Yet if I do make love to someone I am really utterly and madly attracted to, meaning I could definitely fall in love, odds are you will get no details. I am perfectly willing to tell you how many cocks I played with one weekend, but if it was one with a man I was falling for, you would not know it.
I often ask myself why that is, and pondering such things with Aphrodite I have been forced to confront this.
I am perfectly willing to discuss romance as an outdated and often detrimental concept, yet yearn for a man to treat me that way. I long for it, yet I am not sure if I am capable of it myself. Not because I do not know what romantic behavior is, but because I feel almost like a phony when I try to put it on. Aphrodite might say if you don’t feel it, don’t fake it, but as a matter of propriety shouldn’t one want to put on these airs of romance for someone if there is genuine attraction there?
I am being forced to confront this conflict in myself.
Why do I feel a sense of embarrassment at emotion? Is it just the way we men are, or were, raised? Are we forced to hide too much emotion? And when we do show it, how much is too much? After all, I sometimes see some of these emo fashion victims crying about their favorite Idol being voted off and I want to slap them.
Yes, in confronting these things I hear the logical answer, if you don’t feel it don’t fake it, but don’t others require some expression in order to gauge your state of being and to understand you? After all, they can’t read minds anymore than I can.
Aphrodite is forcing me to face these things, to ask these questions of myself.
On the one hand, I tend to be fairly open with my friends, and with you all, about much of what I like and what I sometimes do, while some things simply remain hidden away in me because I either feel embarrassed or perhaps because I feel that some things should just be private out of a sense of propriety. Others I hold on to out of a sense that I want them to be all mine and sharing them would somehow cheapen them.
Now, all of these seem perfectly normal, right? We all reveal somethings and hide others as a matter f course. We have public and private matters in our lives, but mine are a bit conflicting and often don’t make sense.
On the one hand, I am perfectly willing to tell you that I love to indulge in sex. Sex with a lover, or with a group, in totally random and anonymous forms as well as in loving unions between myself and someone I feel utterly attracted to. Yet if I do make love to someone I am really utterly and madly attracted to, meaning I could definitely fall in love, odds are you will get no details. I am perfectly willing to tell you how many cocks I played with one weekend, but if it was one with a man I was falling for, you would not know it.
I often ask myself why that is, and pondering such things with Aphrodite I have been forced to confront this.
I am perfectly willing to discuss romance as an outdated and often detrimental concept, yet yearn for a man to treat me that way. I long for it, yet I am not sure if I am capable of it myself. Not because I do not know what romantic behavior is, but because I feel almost like a phony when I try to put it on. Aphrodite might say if you don’t feel it, don’t fake it, but as a matter of propriety shouldn’t one want to put on these airs of romance for someone if there is genuine attraction there?
I am being forced to confront this conflict in myself.
Why do I feel a sense of embarrassment at emotion? Is it just the way we men are, or were, raised? Are we forced to hide too much emotion? And when we do show it, how much is too much? After all, I sometimes see some of these emo fashion victims crying about their favorite Idol being voted off and I want to slap them.
Yes, in confronting these things I hear the logical answer, if you don’t feel it don’t fake it, but don’t others require some expression in order to gauge your state of being and to understand you? After all, they can’t read minds anymore than I can.
Aphrodite is forcing me to face these things, to ask these questions of myself.
Monday, July 13, 2009
So why do I bring up shame now?
I will open up a bit here, I was brought up a Pentecostal, and part of me maintains a level of shame or embarrassment at certain things that that particular religious sect set in place. I was also brought up Puertorican and American, and often that has set up a conflict of ideas in my own mind with regard to certain things.
The idea that there was something other than “God” out there was always part of my life, since my own maternal grandfather was a believer in Santeria, something that we were not allowed to explore for ourselves, but which was never hidden from us. But the Pentecostal Church was a big can of nuts, and not the crunchy salty honey kind, the weird jumping around fomenting hatred kind, and I rejected it quite early in my life, even if I never understood on an intellectual level why.
As a gay man, I have also felt the enforcement of society’s hatred toward me because my sexual proclivities and emotional requirements are different from the mainstream. I have often rebelled against what I must have subconsciously perceived as the demands of a society that has always been very hypocritical about sex by doing things that I sometimes think on and feel shame about. Yet, if I think about my own personal beliefs on freedom of all kinds, I wonder why my own mind seems to fight with me on the issue of shame for those things.
I did, after all, grow up with a knowledge of disease that generations before me were not given because of society’s unwillingness to discuss sex, and so I have been responsible while at the same time being a wanton slut (a word I don’t actually believe in, but which describes how society might label me if I were a woman, for example) so as a man, an adult, I must not allow myself to feel shame to the point that I will not discuss these things, because when we allow that to happen to ourselves we also shut down our stream of knowledge and wisdom.
But there is still a sense of shame that my upbringing and culture have imposed upon me, programmed me with and made me feel.
This time I am spending with Aphrodite is forcing me to look at these things in my own mind and heart, and I hope that I can find the means by which I can reprogram myself so as not to feel shame at something so simple and natural, but to feel understanding of my own behaviors, those which have been natural and enjoyable and those which have been self destructive so that I might learn from them.
The idea that there was something other than “God” out there was always part of my life, since my own maternal grandfather was a believer in Santeria, something that we were not allowed to explore for ourselves, but which was never hidden from us. But the Pentecostal Church was a big can of nuts, and not the crunchy salty honey kind, the weird jumping around fomenting hatred kind, and I rejected it quite early in my life, even if I never understood on an intellectual level why.
As a gay man, I have also felt the enforcement of society’s hatred toward me because my sexual proclivities and emotional requirements are different from the mainstream. I have often rebelled against what I must have subconsciously perceived as the demands of a society that has always been very hypocritical about sex by doing things that I sometimes think on and feel shame about. Yet, if I think about my own personal beliefs on freedom of all kinds, I wonder why my own mind seems to fight with me on the issue of shame for those things.
I did, after all, grow up with a knowledge of disease that generations before me were not given because of society’s unwillingness to discuss sex, and so I have been responsible while at the same time being a wanton slut (a word I don’t actually believe in, but which describes how society might label me if I were a woman, for example) so as a man, an adult, I must not allow myself to feel shame to the point that I will not discuss these things, because when we allow that to happen to ourselves we also shut down our stream of knowledge and wisdom.
But there is still a sense of shame that my upbringing and culture have imposed upon me, programmed me with and made me feel.
This time I am spending with Aphrodite is forcing me to look at these things in my own mind and heart, and I hope that I can find the means by which I can reprogram myself so as not to feel shame at something so simple and natural, but to feel understanding of my own behaviors, those which have been natural and enjoyable and those which have been self destructive so that I might learn from them.
Shameless Aphrodite
Shame. It’s one of the most useful of all emotions if what you want to do is belittle, crush, manipulate, and control people. People who feel shame will do a lot of ridiculous things to cover that shame, and sometimes, the same we feel is justified. A rapist should feel shame. A thief should feel shame. A murderer should feel shame. But, should a woman feel shame at her breasts and hide them her whole life? Should a gay man feel shame and live in a closet his whole life? Should men and women feel such shame at the act of sex that they often refuse to talk about it or hear about it to such an extent that they are not educated about things, like Sexually Transmitted Diseases, that can save their lives?
No, and it is a shameful thing indeed that for thousands of years now, the Abrahamic Religions (Christianity, Islam, and Judaism) have made it a point to establish moral codes that do very little to truly reinforce good behavior while castigating people for perfectly normal behavior like sex, love, and the free expression of emotion and physical affection.
These religions have all changed and evolved over time, but they retain these ideas of orthodox behavior, a kind of Borg-like conformism that I find entirely offensive. We love you, as long as you are just like us. We want peace on Earth, and that will happen as soon as we make all of you just like us. Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us.
But we see in Aphrodite something of a spark of hope. You see, Aphrodite broke the conventions of society. Women were supposed to be quiet, demure, not seen, she was bold, flirtatious, and open for all to see. Women were to marry and have children to whomever her father chose, she married and then fell for a man she wanted, regardless of what her father and society said. She did not feel shame at being caught, in fact, she was gorgeous in her captivity and even her detractors wanted her.
That is not to say that Aphrodite does not respect and expect propriety, but rather that she wants us to feel what we feel and be honest about it. She wants us to enjoy sex, to fall in love, to express our joys and sadness and not feel shame at it. She is not shameless, she transcends shame.
No, and it is a shameful thing indeed that for thousands of years now, the Abrahamic Religions (Christianity, Islam, and Judaism) have made it a point to establish moral codes that do very little to truly reinforce good behavior while castigating people for perfectly normal behavior like sex, love, and the free expression of emotion and physical affection.
These religions have all changed and evolved over time, but they retain these ideas of orthodox behavior, a kind of Borg-like conformism that I find entirely offensive. We love you, as long as you are just like us. We want peace on Earth, and that will happen as soon as we make all of you just like us. Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us.
But we see in Aphrodite something of a spark of hope. You see, Aphrodite broke the conventions of society. Women were supposed to be quiet, demure, not seen, she was bold, flirtatious, and open for all to see. Women were to marry and have children to whomever her father chose, she married and then fell for a man she wanted, regardless of what her father and society said. She did not feel shame at being caught, in fact, she was gorgeous in her captivity and even her detractors wanted her.
That is not to say that Aphrodite does not respect and expect propriety, but rather that she wants us to feel what we feel and be honest about it. She wants us to enjoy sex, to fall in love, to express our joys and sadness and not feel shame at it. She is not shameless, she transcends shame.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
I like sex, a lot!
I am a man, after all, and I love sex. But allow me to share something which I have mentioned before, and that is that for me sex is not really a physically pleasurable event the same way others seem to explain it. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy it tremendously, but I think maybe I must be a bit different from most people when it comes to the physical sensations of sex. I don’t know why it is, but the intense physical sensation others describe are not something I feel, and therefore those are things I sometimes have trouble relating to.
However, sex is about more than just how your winky feels when you stick it somewhere. It is about an entire experiential event. About the meeting of eyes, the first kiss in the throws of arousal, the feel of a nipple under the palm of your hand, the warmth of a body, and the sounds, scents, and feelings, emotionally/psychologically speaking.
It is this aspect of sex that I love, and often enough, being the man ho that I am, those are things I experience with men I barely know, if I know them at all. (No worries, I am a ho, but a careful ho)
I am intensely attracted to the sexual arousal, the foreplay, and the inner turmoil of sex. And what do I mean by inner turmoil? I mean those feelings that arise from pondering your partners as you have sex. Is he loving this? Am I pleasing him? Are we enjoying this equally? Am I really into this guy, or am I just satisfying some urge?
Thought doesn’t end with sex, and all through sex, just as while I try to sleep, while I work, etc., I am thinking, and those thoughts are often highly disconnected to the actual experience at hand. What time is it? What kind of soap does he use? Etc. And these thoughts often bother me. Our romanticized view of love and sex makes it hard to know, often, what is actually natural during the act of sex, or love making, and we often beat each other up for things that are simply natural but which our society obfuscates in flowery language and crappy lyrics to bad love songs.
If I am enjoying a sexual encounter with a man, and a the current level of my toothpaste tube comes to mind spontaneously, then I simply have to laugh at that and move on, because sometimes Aphrodite just likes to toss wrenches in the works to see if we are paying attention.
However, sex is about more than just how your winky feels when you stick it somewhere. It is about an entire experiential event. About the meeting of eyes, the first kiss in the throws of arousal, the feel of a nipple under the palm of your hand, the warmth of a body, and the sounds, scents, and feelings, emotionally/psychologically speaking.
It is this aspect of sex that I love, and often enough, being the man ho that I am, those are things I experience with men I barely know, if I know them at all. (No worries, I am a ho, but a careful ho)
I am intensely attracted to the sexual arousal, the foreplay, and the inner turmoil of sex. And what do I mean by inner turmoil? I mean those feelings that arise from pondering your partners as you have sex. Is he loving this? Am I pleasing him? Are we enjoying this equally? Am I really into this guy, or am I just satisfying some urge?
Thought doesn’t end with sex, and all through sex, just as while I try to sleep, while I work, etc., I am thinking, and those thoughts are often highly disconnected to the actual experience at hand. What time is it? What kind of soap does he use? Etc. And these thoughts often bother me. Our romanticized view of love and sex makes it hard to know, often, what is actually natural during the act of sex, or love making, and we often beat each other up for things that are simply natural but which our society obfuscates in flowery language and crappy lyrics to bad love songs.
If I am enjoying a sexual encounter with a man, and a the current level of my toothpaste tube comes to mind spontaneously, then I simply have to laugh at that and move on, because sometimes Aphrodite just likes to toss wrenches in the works to see if we are paying attention.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Aphrodite The Lover
Perhaps the one aspect of Aphrodite I have indulged in the most is that of a sexual goddess. Aphrodite’s most oft depicted aspect is that of Goddess of Lust and Sexuality, and that may be because her impulsive chaotic influence in the cosmos filters down to us by way of our own physical impulses. These include emotions like love, compassion, and joy, but also lust, the one emotion we men struggle with more than any other.
I have said it before, lust and love are not separate emotions. They are both connected to a deep need for companionship and closeness with other human beings. It is part of what makes us want to be with a man or woman, be it for a long term relationship that blossoms into fully developed love, or a couple of nights of orgasmic bliss. It is all part of the continuum we call love. We human beings are enraptured by sex, it is part of what we are at a most fundamental level because it is part of the way life works. It is part of the fundamental nature of life itself, yet we men are particularly prone to the influence of lust because our society has always allowed us to indulge it. We have society’s permission to be sexual far more than women do. Yet even at a biological level, we men seem to struggle with lust far more than women do because we are geared toward the propagation of our genes, not only with a female, but with many females so that our children possess a vast variety of genes that can help guarantee their success in the wild world.
But allow me to say, that we men also suffer from another issue, we are also more detached from lust and love than women are, and in that sense, I think we miss something. Lust is a beautiful thing, it can bring about some fantastic sex, but maybe if we could better engage with our partners, even if only for that short time we are sexually engaged, we might have a better understanding of the reasoning, on a psychological level, for our actions with regard to lust so that we might better enjoy what we have, and maybe learn to make better judgements in how we pursue these adventures in sex.
Don’t misunderstand me, I am a strong proponent of free love, free sexuality, free sex. I do not believe in the horribly hurtful sex hating puritanism that the Abrahamic religions seem to espouse, but I am mindful of the fact that the Gods require us to examine what we do so we are not going over into harmful territories. Like the maxims says, Αρχε σεαυτου, Control Yourself, and Μηδεν αγαν, Nothing to Excess, and this must include our indulgence of even our fundamental natures.
Aphrodite’s influence on us requires that we see her as a Goddess of Sex, and that we recognize her power as we engage in that most sacred yet base of activities. If we are to honor her, we must learn to be good at sex, whether we be a passive or active partner. We must learn to be considerate of our lovers, be they those we love or those we simply meet in a bathhouse. Remember them as people, not simply sexual organs.
I have said it before, lust and love are not separate emotions. They are both connected to a deep need for companionship and closeness with other human beings. It is part of what makes us want to be with a man or woman, be it for a long term relationship that blossoms into fully developed love, or a couple of nights of orgasmic bliss. It is all part of the continuum we call love. We human beings are enraptured by sex, it is part of what we are at a most fundamental level because it is part of the way life works. It is part of the fundamental nature of life itself, yet we men are particularly prone to the influence of lust because our society has always allowed us to indulge it. We have society’s permission to be sexual far more than women do. Yet even at a biological level, we men seem to struggle with lust far more than women do because we are geared toward the propagation of our genes, not only with a female, but with many females so that our children possess a vast variety of genes that can help guarantee their success in the wild world.
But allow me to say, that we men also suffer from another issue, we are also more detached from lust and love than women are, and in that sense, I think we miss something. Lust is a beautiful thing, it can bring about some fantastic sex, but maybe if we could better engage with our partners, even if only for that short time we are sexually engaged, we might have a better understanding of the reasoning, on a psychological level, for our actions with regard to lust so that we might better enjoy what we have, and maybe learn to make better judgements in how we pursue these adventures in sex.
Don’t misunderstand me, I am a strong proponent of free love, free sexuality, free sex. I do not believe in the horribly hurtful sex hating puritanism that the Abrahamic religions seem to espouse, but I am mindful of the fact that the Gods require us to examine what we do so we are not going over into harmful territories. Like the maxims says, Αρχε σεαυτου, Control Yourself, and Μηδεν αγαν, Nothing to Excess, and this must include our indulgence of even our fundamental natures.
Aphrodite’s influence on us requires that we see her as a Goddess of Sex, and that we recognize her power as we engage in that most sacred yet base of activities. If we are to honor her, we must learn to be good at sex, whether we be a passive or active partner. We must learn to be considerate of our lovers, be they those we love or those we simply meet in a bathhouse. Remember them as people, not simply sexual organs.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Aphrodite as a form of chaos.
In my last post I asked the question, might not Aphrodite’s power be made manifest in chaos?
To clarify something, when I say chaos here, I am talking about the modern scientific principle of uncertainty. A principle which plays a major part in modern science, but which most people, myself included, would have a hard time wrapping their heads around. After all, the universe, in spite of all its immense complexity, seems to work so beautifully, like a well maintained clockworks, but the truth is that underlying all of that is chaos.
In her cosmic aspect, one could extrapolate that a goddess that causes such chaos in our hearts, such turmoil, such pain, might also be a chaotic force that underlies all the beautiful workings of the cosmos. a chaos without which all that magnificent beauty could not happen.
The Greeks also had a concept of Chaos, one which is spoken of only briefly in the creation myths of the Gods, and in that case, the word Chaos actually means gap. Like the Northern concept of the Ginnungagap. This is not Aphrodite, this is not love, this is simply the primordial state of the universe as pure potential, from which all things would emerge. In essence, they were describing the empty cosmos, or perhaps even the singularity from which the cosmos erupted.
But the forces of chaos, and the forces of this powerful being who is made manifest by it, are all around us in every aspect of our lives, and we try, harder and harder, to impose order on it only to be rebuked by her. She smaks us down, forcing us to face that which scares us the most, that we are not in control of everything, that emotion and thought come, like the wild winds, and often topple us like old trailers in the path of a mighty tornado.
If Aphrodite is not, like her brother Dionysos, part of that dynamic of chaos, I don’t think I can ever truly understand her.
To clarify something, when I say chaos here, I am talking about the modern scientific principle of uncertainty. A principle which plays a major part in modern science, but which most people, myself included, would have a hard time wrapping their heads around. After all, the universe, in spite of all its immense complexity, seems to work so beautifully, like a well maintained clockworks, but the truth is that underlying all of that is chaos.
In her cosmic aspect, one could extrapolate that a goddess that causes such chaos in our hearts, such turmoil, such pain, might also be a chaotic force that underlies all the beautiful workings of the cosmos. a chaos without which all that magnificent beauty could not happen.
The Greeks also had a concept of Chaos, one which is spoken of only briefly in the creation myths of the Gods, and in that case, the word Chaos actually means gap. Like the Northern concept of the Ginnungagap. This is not Aphrodite, this is not love, this is simply the primordial state of the universe as pure potential, from which all things would emerge. In essence, they were describing the empty cosmos, or perhaps even the singularity from which the cosmos erupted.
But the forces of chaos, and the forces of this powerful being who is made manifest by it, are all around us in every aspect of our lives, and we try, harder and harder, to impose order on it only to be rebuked by her. She smaks us down, forcing us to face that which scares us the most, that we are not in control of everything, that emotion and thought come, like the wild winds, and often topple us like old trailers in the path of a mighty tornado.
If Aphrodite is not, like her brother Dionysos, part of that dynamic of chaos, I don’t think I can ever truly understand her.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Aphrodite in Myth: Mother of the Erotes
In my persona; gnosis, my personal idea of what the Gods are, there are actually only a few Gods. That numbers around 24, but I never say that that is the absolute truth, because no man can ever truly know the absolute truth about, well, almost anything.
In my personal pantheon, there is a clear distinction between Eros, the primordial God that brings things together, like gravity, and the Eros of later myth who is better known among the English speaking world as Cupid. Further, the mythos also gives us the Erotes, plural of Eros, who are like little angelic Cupids that do the bidding of their mother and give mankind things like Love, Jealousy, Hatred, etc.
Cupid Eros and the Erotes are, to me, simply angelic aspects of the Goddess Aphrodite herself, as are most of her mythic children. The Erotes are kind of special, though, because like Venus, the Roman Aphrodite, the little Cupids have made their way into the modern world in many ways. Many of the Christian representations of angelic figures like Cherubs are clearly based on them, and in many ways, the modern idea of “God is Love” would render this aspect of the Christian God as Aphrodite herself. But that is a discussion for some other time.
The Cherubic Erotes are mischievous little creatures, and are often depicted as infants, with that lack of propriety, that lack of sense, and that lacking a sense of consequence that children of that age would have. They are like the most primal aspects of Aphrodite, sheer unfiltered emotion, and that is something we are all familiar with, because like these little Erotes, emotion comes and plays havoc with us and then goes upon its merry way.
The little Erotes are Aphrodite as she manifests in all of our little emotions, the vast complexity of which make us all what we are.
The Erotes are emotion. Not just what we human beings generate and feel, but that which is manifest in the cosmos itself. Thoughts and emotions are spontaneous in us, and often we ask ourselves where do they come from? I believe we humans generate them ourselves, but the very existence of emotion is due to the manifestation in our universe of the power of Aphrodite.
Emotion is also chaotic. Spontaneity is, by its very nature, a chaotic process, one which is inherent to our universe from the most base to the most expansive of its aspects, and as such I have to wonder if this does not make Aphrodite herself part of the primordial (basic) functions of the cosmos.
That would seem an easy enough question to answer, after all, aren’t all Gods part of the basic function of the cosmos? Yes, but I am talking about the Primordial aspects of the cosmos, the elemental structure of the universe. If Eros’ power is manifest in gravity, and Ge’s in matter, then might not Aphrodite’s be manifest in chaos? Might her power not be part of what we call quantum uncertainty?
Just a question for you to ponder.
In my personal pantheon, there is a clear distinction between Eros, the primordial God that brings things together, like gravity, and the Eros of later myth who is better known among the English speaking world as Cupid. Further, the mythos also gives us the Erotes, plural of Eros, who are like little angelic Cupids that do the bidding of their mother and give mankind things like Love, Jealousy, Hatred, etc.
Cupid Eros and the Erotes are, to me, simply angelic aspects of the Goddess Aphrodite herself, as are most of her mythic children. The Erotes are kind of special, though, because like Venus, the Roman Aphrodite, the little Cupids have made their way into the modern world in many ways. Many of the Christian representations of angelic figures like Cherubs are clearly based on them, and in many ways, the modern idea of “God is Love” would render this aspect of the Christian God as Aphrodite herself. But that is a discussion for some other time.
The Cherubic Erotes are mischievous little creatures, and are often depicted as infants, with that lack of propriety, that lack of sense, and that lacking a sense of consequence that children of that age would have. They are like the most primal aspects of Aphrodite, sheer unfiltered emotion, and that is something we are all familiar with, because like these little Erotes, emotion comes and plays havoc with us and then goes upon its merry way.
The little Erotes are Aphrodite as she manifests in all of our little emotions, the vast complexity of which make us all what we are.
The Erotes are emotion. Not just what we human beings generate and feel, but that which is manifest in the cosmos itself. Thoughts and emotions are spontaneous in us, and often we ask ourselves where do they come from? I believe we humans generate them ourselves, but the very existence of emotion is due to the manifestation in our universe of the power of Aphrodite.
Emotion is also chaotic. Spontaneity is, by its very nature, a chaotic process, one which is inherent to our universe from the most base to the most expansive of its aspects, and as such I have to wonder if this does not make Aphrodite herself part of the primordial (basic) functions of the cosmos.
That would seem an easy enough question to answer, after all, aren’t all Gods part of the basic function of the cosmos? Yes, but I am talking about the Primordial aspects of the cosmos, the elemental structure of the universe. If Eros’ power is manifest in gravity, and Ge’s in matter, then might not Aphrodite’s be manifest in chaos? Might her power not be part of what we call quantum uncertainty?
Just a question for you to ponder.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Aphrodite in Myth: Mother of Fear and Panic
It must seem odd to those who do not know her, that Aphrodite’s children include two rather odd characters in the mythos. Sons of Ares and Aphrodite are Deimos (Fear) and Phobos (Panic) and considering she is the goddess of love, it must seem odd.
But is it, really? Aren’t all emotions part of a spectrum, like the colors of the rainbow are to light, and if so, then are not fear and terror part of that emotional spectrum (Sorry Green Lantern) and are they not part of love as surely as lust and harmony are?
Of course, because love is filled with fear, loathing, insecurity, terror at its loss, and a slew of other negative manifestations and reactions to its presence. Love can be harmful and it can be great, a blessing and a curse, and her mythos does not hide this from us.
But is it, really? Aren’t all emotions part of a spectrum, like the colors of the rainbow are to light, and if so, then are not fear and terror part of that emotional spectrum (Sorry Green Lantern) and are they not part of love as surely as lust and harmony are?
Of course, because love is filled with fear, loathing, insecurity, terror at its loss, and a slew of other negative manifestations and reactions to its presence. Love can be harmful and it can be great, a blessing and a curse, and her mythos does not hide this from us.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Interlude: My Lampontas
I think I mentioned before that this year my Lampontas celebration (Celebration of Helios light bringer) would coincide with the Columbus Gay Pride celebration in Columbus Ohio, and I want to say that that festival, and my private prayers in the morning, and my more carnal celebrations in honor of Aphrodite, went better than I expected, but not as well as they could have.
The day began around 4 in the morning with a rise to business and when the sun rose, an offering to Helios. I then took the Greyhound out to Columbus where we joined the Pride Parade in progress. It was a wild parade, not like the rather sedate one here in Dayton (Which is still a small and growing Pride festival). I went with a friend of mine, which may have been a mistake on my part because while I love him to death, a loner like me has a hard time letting loose with friends around in those kinds of situations. But, at the least I had someone to talk to, which is always welcome.
Other than this, I had a few issues with the nature of these festivals, the commercializing, advertising, etc, sometimes overwhelm the spirit of the festival. That said, though, the stages were two, and they seemed to be divided into two categories. One, official announcements, awards, and performers, which were all quite good, and the other seemed local performers, like flag bands, drag shows (Queen and King) and other similar things.
We walked through the festival, stopping to drink, sit in the shade, etc., and we enjoyed the scenery, which included a lot of barely covered human flesh. My compatriot was rather taken aback by the titties on display, but I figure what the hell, what’s good for the gander is good for the goose, right?
I only saw or ran into a couple of friends from Dayton. Dayton’s gay community is much more closeted and disinterested than Columbus’, it is almost as if they just believe in one thing, themselves.
I suppose it goes with progress that people think things like Pride are not necessary, and part of the symptoms of a conservative society that so many gays hang on to the “it’s nobodies business” attitude that makes them see exhibitions of homosexuality in all its diversity, from geeks to freaks, as something that should be quashed.
Zeus was kind, the weather was hot, but hardly humid, and a steady breeze that kept us all cool the whole day.
I ended up going to Flex, a bathhouse, and yes, I know how to protect myself, and there indulged my slutty side. I make no apologies for that, I was a total slut, and I liked it (steal that lyric, Katie) and I was rewarded by Aphrodite with a sense of calm and a few rockin’ orgasms (mine and those of my partners, can I hear an amen?) and even came home with a couple of phone numbers.
Not bad for a fat ugly guy like me. :)
I have, of course, left out a lot of detail, but that’s to be expected. I have to keep some things private, after all.
The day began around 4 in the morning with a rise to business and when the sun rose, an offering to Helios. I then took the Greyhound out to Columbus where we joined the Pride Parade in progress. It was a wild parade, not like the rather sedate one here in Dayton (Which is still a small and growing Pride festival). I went with a friend of mine, which may have been a mistake on my part because while I love him to death, a loner like me has a hard time letting loose with friends around in those kinds of situations. But, at the least I had someone to talk to, which is always welcome.
Other than this, I had a few issues with the nature of these festivals, the commercializing, advertising, etc, sometimes overwhelm the spirit of the festival. That said, though, the stages were two, and they seemed to be divided into two categories. One, official announcements, awards, and performers, which were all quite good, and the other seemed local performers, like flag bands, drag shows (Queen and King) and other similar things.
We walked through the festival, stopping to drink, sit in the shade, etc., and we enjoyed the scenery, which included a lot of barely covered human flesh. My compatriot was rather taken aback by the titties on display, but I figure what the hell, what’s good for the gander is good for the goose, right?
I only saw or ran into a couple of friends from Dayton. Dayton’s gay community is much more closeted and disinterested than Columbus’, it is almost as if they just believe in one thing, themselves.
I suppose it goes with progress that people think things like Pride are not necessary, and part of the symptoms of a conservative society that so many gays hang on to the “it’s nobodies business” attitude that makes them see exhibitions of homosexuality in all its diversity, from geeks to freaks, as something that should be quashed.
Zeus was kind, the weather was hot, but hardly humid, and a steady breeze that kept us all cool the whole day.
I ended up going to Flex, a bathhouse, and yes, I know how to protect myself, and there indulged my slutty side. I make no apologies for that, I was a total slut, and I liked it (steal that lyric, Katie) and I was rewarded by Aphrodite with a sense of calm and a few rockin’ orgasms (mine and those of my partners, can I hear an amen?) and even came home with a couple of phone numbers.
Not bad for a fat ugly guy like me. :)
I have, of course, left out a lot of detail, but that’s to be expected. I have to keep some things private, after all.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
To Aphrodite: I Give Myself Over
I give myself over.
To you, and only you.
No mortal man can exude your power.
No mortal man can please me like you do.
No mortal man has tried.
You have never touched me.
Not with finger, nor hands, nor lips.
But you have brought me to ecstasy.
Ecstasy that consumes me from within.
I give myself over.
To you because I love you.
No mortal man can compare.
No mortal man can reassure me.
No mortal man has tried.
You who dwell in splendor and glory.
Loving laughter and the games of passion.
You have reached into the depths of my soul.
And brought me to a new understanding.
I give myself over.
To you and only you.
No mortal man can hinder this.
No mortal man will replace you.
No mortal man has tried.
Not with simple pleasures of the flesh.
Nor with the rush of orgasm.
But love, the simplest feeling of all.
You have brought me to my knees.
To you, and only you.
No mortal man can exude your power.
No mortal man can please me like you do.
No mortal man has tried.
You have never touched me.
Not with finger, nor hands, nor lips.
But you have brought me to ecstasy.
Ecstasy that consumes me from within.
I give myself over.
To you because I love you.
No mortal man can compare.
No mortal man can reassure me.
No mortal man has tried.
You who dwell in splendor and glory.
Loving laughter and the games of passion.
You have reached into the depths of my soul.
And brought me to a new understanding.
I give myself over.
To you and only you.
No mortal man can hinder this.
No mortal man will replace you.
No mortal man has tried.
Not with simple pleasures of the flesh.
Nor with the rush of orgasm.
But love, the simplest feeling of all.
You have brought me to my knees.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Aphrodite in Myth: Mother of Harmony
The Goddess Aphrodite loved Ares, God of War, Soldiers, Protector and Fighter. That these two would be so intimately linked would seem odd to many, while others would immediately get it. A man of Ares’ violent work and nature would require a mate that could calm him, love him, pleasure him and make him feel that the battlefield was far away. But we all know that is a kind of façade. That the war in the home can be just as vicious as that on the battle fields.
But, interestingly enough, what Aphrodite produce in their love are some interesting figures in the mythos. Deimos, the personification of fear. Phobos, the personification of dread or terror. And the subject of my piece today, Harmonia, personification of Harmony.
All three of these, in my personaly theological view, are aspects of both Aphrodite and Ares. That Haromny is an aspect of the power of Aphrodite seems obvious, just as the same can be said of Phobos and Deimos being aspects of Ares, but Ares, for all his war and fighting, is a god of soldiers, and soldiers fight to defend and conquer for the betterment of their families, their nations, and themselves. They help defend their nation that it may enjoy harmony.
That Deimos and Phobos are also aspects of Aphrodite seems odd to some people, but Love is an emotion that inspires in us all fear, loathing, terror, dread. These are like the obstacles that love places before us as we strive to find it, or as we struggle to make sense of it. Harmonia, the goddess of Harmony, is the clue we are given to the truth of love.
Harmony is born in a relationship in which love and the many negative aspects of its power come into play among people who are willing to hear each other out. She is the aspect of Aphrodite that encourages us to remain and try to make a relationship work. But Harmony is about more than love relationships. It is about every relationship. The relationship between a husband and wife, a parent and child, a child and a grandparent, friends, lovers, the clients of whores, and the man and his pet. It is about the relationship of man to nation, nation to man, society and nature, nature and will, and the relationships between the Sun and the Earth. It is the relationship between every thing with every other thing, and how any number of things must come to a harmonious coexistence in order to continue to exist.
It is sometimes hard for us to remember that all things can be explained by physics, and that physics is itself but a number based explanation of how the Gods affect the world. All things must exist in harmony, and our challenge as thinking creatures is to recognize the many things in our lives and then find a way to make them work in harmony as we remember that within harmony, as within so many things, are two distinct forces trying to fight their way out, forces of divine origin we call Love and War, Aphrodite and Ares.
But, interestingly enough, what Aphrodite produce in their love are some interesting figures in the mythos. Deimos, the personification of fear. Phobos, the personification of dread or terror. And the subject of my piece today, Harmonia, personification of Harmony.
All three of these, in my personaly theological view, are aspects of both Aphrodite and Ares. That Haromny is an aspect of the power of Aphrodite seems obvious, just as the same can be said of Phobos and Deimos being aspects of Ares, but Ares, for all his war and fighting, is a god of soldiers, and soldiers fight to defend and conquer for the betterment of their families, their nations, and themselves. They help defend their nation that it may enjoy harmony.
That Deimos and Phobos are also aspects of Aphrodite seems odd to some people, but Love is an emotion that inspires in us all fear, loathing, terror, dread. These are like the obstacles that love places before us as we strive to find it, or as we struggle to make sense of it. Harmonia, the goddess of Harmony, is the clue we are given to the truth of love.
Harmony is born in a relationship in which love and the many negative aspects of its power come into play among people who are willing to hear each other out. She is the aspect of Aphrodite that encourages us to remain and try to make a relationship work. But Harmony is about more than love relationships. It is about every relationship. The relationship between a husband and wife, a parent and child, a child and a grandparent, friends, lovers, the clients of whores, and the man and his pet. It is about the relationship of man to nation, nation to man, society and nature, nature and will, and the relationships between the Sun and the Earth. It is the relationship between every thing with every other thing, and how any number of things must come to a harmonious coexistence in order to continue to exist.
It is sometimes hard for us to remember that all things can be explained by physics, and that physics is itself but a number based explanation of how the Gods affect the world. All things must exist in harmony, and our challenge as thinking creatures is to recognize the many things in our lives and then find a way to make them work in harmony as we remember that within harmony, as within so many things, are two distinct forces trying to fight their way out, forces of divine origin we call Love and War, Aphrodite and Ares.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Aphrodite in Myth: Lover of Men
Aphrodite is a slut. It is a bad word in our current vernacular, and it indicates a woman of low moral character and standing in society, but let us take a look at this aspect of her and what it means to us today, what it means to our ideals in Western society and why the word slut should be stricken from our vocabularies as an insult.
Men and women have, since the beginning of our written history, been treated very differently in society. This is especially true in two aspects of life. The first is self determination. Women have more often than not been treated as property. They were told what to do by parents, lovers, husbands, and even their own male children once they’d grown to adulthood. Women have rarely been able to exercise the kind of freedom to make their own choices that they have in the Western World today, but even in our world, women are still saddled with unfair stereotypes of what a woman should be. These stereotypes often make women the slaves of fashion that force them to become almost caricatures sometimes and it hurts us as a society.
The second, of course, is sex. Because men lack the ability to know, with 100% certainty, if the children the women carry are theirs, they have a built in insecurity. Perhaps in a world where bloodlines did not mean much it wouldn’t matter, we would all simply have sex, bare children, and we would all take care of them, but the world doesn’t work like that, and it isn’t merely a human sociological issue, it is very much an evolutionary trait. Lions kill the offspring of their lionesses to insure only their own offspring are brought to adulthood. The bee hive has only one queen, and only she is allowed to produce offspring (in a female dominated species it works the other way around) but we human beings are more than just animals. Sure, our very society is based squarely in evolutionary principals that are almost exclusively dominated by the need to reproduce and survive as a species, but as thinking creatures, we also have the ability to stop our mistreatment of parts of our society. And certainly we have the ability to stop the mistreatment of our mothers, sisters, and daughters.
Why should a woman be labelled a slut because she likes sex? Why should she not seek it out with whomever she wants?
To buck this trend in society the Greeks found Aphrodite most willing as a subject, and no other Goddess can be said to have been as flagrant in her disregard for the male dominated hierarchy as she was.
Eros causes Aphrodite to fall in love with Ares, but Zeus has other plans, and marries her off to Hephaestos. She goes along with the marriage, as in Greek society a woman hardly had much choice, especially a woman of high birth (as was often the case all the way through history with royal families) but she refuses to allow herself to be caged, and she will not allow her love for Ares to go unexpressed, so she has a lurid affair with him behind Hephaestos’ back. She is, of course, discovered, and Hephaestos traps them both in a fine net and exposes them to the Gods that they might be shamed along with him. He refuses her, and Zeus dissolves their marriage.
Aphrodite is now free to be with Ares, but she is not just with Ares. She bares children to him, and to other Gods and mortals alike, and in this Goddess, in this aspect of her we see the power of emotion made to hold sway, but further, the power of will to say “I love who I choose to love, and nothing you do can change that” and that was not the message the Greeks intended with this myth. On the contrary, the myth is made to illustrate the untrustworthiness of women. Their shameful behavior, but on;y if one reads it with only the male perspective in mind.
Aphrodite loves men. She can’t get enough of them, but she is also dangerous to them, because men are so easily swayed by beauty, and by men I mean mortal kind, for women too are swayed by beauty, just as she was by the beauty of Ares, who hides his dangerous aspect behind a gloriously beautiful and alluring figure.
So, as a lover of men myself, i must take this myth with that grain of salt we are all told to carry with us. Beauty and lust are great, but they can lead us down the wrong path, not because sex and beauty are wrong, but because we often hurt each other in relation to it. We too often discount each others feelings and use words like “slut” and “whore” to hurt the ones we most want to make love to.
Men and women have, since the beginning of our written history, been treated very differently in society. This is especially true in two aspects of life. The first is self determination. Women have more often than not been treated as property. They were told what to do by parents, lovers, husbands, and even their own male children once they’d grown to adulthood. Women have rarely been able to exercise the kind of freedom to make their own choices that they have in the Western World today, but even in our world, women are still saddled with unfair stereotypes of what a woman should be. These stereotypes often make women the slaves of fashion that force them to become almost caricatures sometimes and it hurts us as a society.
The second, of course, is sex. Because men lack the ability to know, with 100% certainty, if the children the women carry are theirs, they have a built in insecurity. Perhaps in a world where bloodlines did not mean much it wouldn’t matter, we would all simply have sex, bare children, and we would all take care of them, but the world doesn’t work like that, and it isn’t merely a human sociological issue, it is very much an evolutionary trait. Lions kill the offspring of their lionesses to insure only their own offspring are brought to adulthood. The bee hive has only one queen, and only she is allowed to produce offspring (in a female dominated species it works the other way around) but we human beings are more than just animals. Sure, our very society is based squarely in evolutionary principals that are almost exclusively dominated by the need to reproduce and survive as a species, but as thinking creatures, we also have the ability to stop our mistreatment of parts of our society. And certainly we have the ability to stop the mistreatment of our mothers, sisters, and daughters.
Why should a woman be labelled a slut because she likes sex? Why should she not seek it out with whomever she wants?
To buck this trend in society the Greeks found Aphrodite most willing as a subject, and no other Goddess can be said to have been as flagrant in her disregard for the male dominated hierarchy as she was.
Eros causes Aphrodite to fall in love with Ares, but Zeus has other plans, and marries her off to Hephaestos. She goes along with the marriage, as in Greek society a woman hardly had much choice, especially a woman of high birth (as was often the case all the way through history with royal families) but she refuses to allow herself to be caged, and she will not allow her love for Ares to go unexpressed, so she has a lurid affair with him behind Hephaestos’ back. She is, of course, discovered, and Hephaestos traps them both in a fine net and exposes them to the Gods that they might be shamed along with him. He refuses her, and Zeus dissolves their marriage.
Aphrodite is now free to be with Ares, but she is not just with Ares. She bares children to him, and to other Gods and mortals alike, and in this Goddess, in this aspect of her we see the power of emotion made to hold sway, but further, the power of will to say “I love who I choose to love, and nothing you do can change that” and that was not the message the Greeks intended with this myth. On the contrary, the myth is made to illustrate the untrustworthiness of women. Their shameful behavior, but on;y if one reads it with only the male perspective in mind.
Aphrodite loves men. She can’t get enough of them, but she is also dangerous to them, because men are so easily swayed by beauty, and by men I mean mortal kind, for women too are swayed by beauty, just as she was by the beauty of Ares, who hides his dangerous aspect behind a gloriously beautiful and alluring figure.
So, as a lover of men myself, i must take this myth with that grain of salt we are all told to carry with us. Beauty and lust are great, but they can lead us down the wrong path, not because sex and beauty are wrong, but because we often hurt each other in relation to it. We too often discount each others feelings and use words like “slut” and “whore” to hurt the ones we most want to make love to.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Lampontas
This year, the celebration I do of Lampontas will be among my fellow Fags, Queers, and Homos in the city of Columbus Ohio, because Lampontas falls on the same weekend as the Gay Pride Festival in Columbus.
What is Lampontas?
A few years ago I decided to start up something called Heliogenna, which is celebrated along with the Winter Solstice, to counter that, out of a sense of balance, I also decided to put Lampontas (Festival of the Sun) in the Summer, along with the Summer Solstice. The idea for Heliogenna came from hearing that during Christmas season in Greece, many arcaeo-Hellenists say Kala Iliouyenna, referring to the birth of the Sun rather than the birth of the Christ.
So in Summer the festival to Helios Lampontas (Helios the Shining One) and rather than some of the more sombre and thanksgiving type observances I do for Heliogenna, I choose to celebrate the shining sun with fun, with praise, song, and this year, with gay laughter and debauchery.
Unlike something like the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco, or some of the Pride Parades in NY of old (The parade and festival in NY have become rather gentrified of late, more about commercialism than about any real political message or celebration of our gayness) the Festival in Columbus is a rather family oriented thing. Lots of gay and lesbian parents and their kids, lots of Christian protestors (spreading their message of hate that Jesus apparently taught) and really more of an eagerness to just be out and about and show the city, and the state as this is the Capital, that we are not hiding and won’t be pushed back into our closets.
So, there will be music, food, alcohol, and after, when the festival breaks down for the evening and people wander off into clubs, bars, and private parties, there will be all manner of playful celebration of our gay masculinity and lesbian femininity, and among these all, I will take some time in the day and night to light incense and say thanks to the Lord of the Light of Day.
What is Lampontas?
A few years ago I decided to start up something called Heliogenna, which is celebrated along with the Winter Solstice, to counter that, out of a sense of balance, I also decided to put Lampontas (Festival of the Sun) in the Summer, along with the Summer Solstice. The idea for Heliogenna came from hearing that during Christmas season in Greece, many arcaeo-Hellenists say Kala Iliouyenna, referring to the birth of the Sun rather than the birth of the Christ.
So in Summer the festival to Helios Lampontas (Helios the Shining One) and rather than some of the more sombre and thanksgiving type observances I do for Heliogenna, I choose to celebrate the shining sun with fun, with praise, song, and this year, with gay laughter and debauchery.
Unlike something like the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco, or some of the Pride Parades in NY of old (The parade and festival in NY have become rather gentrified of late, more about commercialism than about any real political message or celebration of our gayness) the Festival in Columbus is a rather family oriented thing. Lots of gay and lesbian parents and their kids, lots of Christian protestors (spreading their message of hate that Jesus apparently taught) and really more of an eagerness to just be out and about and show the city, and the state as this is the Capital, that we are not hiding and won’t be pushed back into our closets.
So, there will be music, food, alcohol, and after, when the festival breaks down for the evening and people wander off into clubs, bars, and private parties, there will be all manner of playful celebration of our gay masculinity and lesbian femininity, and among these all, I will take some time in the day and night to light incense and say thanks to the Lord of the Light of Day.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Aphrodite in Myth: Her birth...
Like most Gods, the myths of Aphrodite are often conflicting and even contradictory. The reason for this is simple, different people experience the goddess differently, and they interpret what they experience as they are able or willing.
The tales of Aphrodite’s birth were, no doubt, many, but the two most notable ones are the birth of Aphrodite from the sea foam, and her birth as the daughter of Zeus and Dione. Venus, the Aphrodite of the Romans, was also said to be daughter of Ouranos (Caelus) and Hemera (Dies) which are the primordial aspects of Sky and the light of Day (in my world view these are aspects of Zeus, the sky, and Helios, the sun or Eos, the light of morning)
Relating to the birth myths of the Gods is difficult for me. Tales of divine birth are often lacking in love, lacking in familial emotion, rather the Gods seem to almost always be born almost completely formed and capable, which to me says that the Gods are eternal and whole, but their manifestations into the human psyche must, because of our inability to truly comprehend eternity, come as a result of a birth or a beginning.
The myth of Aphrodite that I prefer, and which best fits into my theological view, is that of her birth from the sea foam. But that birth is also the culmination of a very violent act in the mythos, part of the beginning of a new era for the Gods, a new era in the evolution of the cosmos.
As the story goes, Ge created Ouranos, or gave birth to him without benefit of marriage to be her spouse. The word often used is Lord, but in my view no one is Ge’s Lord. They lived in peace for long eons, the world taking form, and then Ouranos and Ge began to produce the gods we would come to call Titans. The Titans are called that because of their size, but also because of their power, which was broad and earth shattering. In essence, the Titans made the cosmos itself tremble.
But Ouranos was a jealous God, and he refused to let these beings be born into the cosmos. Just as he had risen out from the earth, so too would they in order to be born, for the Earth was their mother. Ge trembled and bore her burden, but was pained by what Ouranos had done, and then she spoke to her children. She went to all her children, and of the males she asked for aid, but of them, only Kronos was brave enough to face his father. It would be a shameful deed, but one that must be done if the world was to change.
As always, Ouranos would come to Ge at night fall, his dark veil falling over the earth. As he came to her to bed her once again, he was attacked by Kronos, and in this he used the sickle Ge had provided to sever him from Ge forever. He took Ouranos’ balls, his potency, his manhood, and flung it into the Pontus (Which was the primordial sea, child of Ge) with this the Titans were able to emerge into the world, and with them the world would change forever.
In the Pontus, however, the genitals of Ouranos floated, and about them was a foam formed which drifted about until it came close to the island of Kypros (one of Aphrodite’s many titles is Kyprogenes) where she was met by the Horai (the hours or seasons) and upon setting foot on the island, grass grew below her feet.
The holy island of Cyprus is her birthplace.
I am reminded by this myth that the motions of the Gods are often easily traced by their myths. We find in this region that the Eastern goddess Astarte was very much like Aphrodite, another interpretation of her, who married the vegetation god Adonis, who Aphrodite would also become linked later. But I am also reminded that, in ancient times, and sometimes even in our own times and culture, sex and procreation can be a vicious cycle of violence for many.
Her birth, however, is one of purity, in spite of the violence that preceded it, and the Goddess herself is born pure of the sea foam and upon reaching the land, which is Ge, after all, her gift, and Ge’s reaction, is one of joy. Love was now in the world, and it wasn’t just an animal attraction, as might be inferred from Eros the primordial, but one that was giving and tender and which one could take joy in.
That Love would also lead to violence later seems far off here. The acts of Ouranos and Kronos were not based in love, even Ouranos’ marriage to Ge seems a forced one, after all Ge birthed him to be her spouse, he had no choice in the matter, and here is another echo of something long gone. An echo of a time when a mother chose the spouse of her son, no questions asked, no dissent allowed, and how man took that power away, castrating forever that man who would allow such a thing only to turn around and do it to women.
Myth is, if nothing else, about the echos of reality through time.
The tales of Aphrodite’s birth were, no doubt, many, but the two most notable ones are the birth of Aphrodite from the sea foam, and her birth as the daughter of Zeus and Dione. Venus, the Aphrodite of the Romans, was also said to be daughter of Ouranos (Caelus) and Hemera (Dies) which are the primordial aspects of Sky and the light of Day (in my world view these are aspects of Zeus, the sky, and Helios, the sun or Eos, the light of morning)
Relating to the birth myths of the Gods is difficult for me. Tales of divine birth are often lacking in love, lacking in familial emotion, rather the Gods seem to almost always be born almost completely formed and capable, which to me says that the Gods are eternal and whole, but their manifestations into the human psyche must, because of our inability to truly comprehend eternity, come as a result of a birth or a beginning.
The myth of Aphrodite that I prefer, and which best fits into my theological view, is that of her birth from the sea foam. But that birth is also the culmination of a very violent act in the mythos, part of the beginning of a new era for the Gods, a new era in the evolution of the cosmos.
As the story goes, Ge created Ouranos, or gave birth to him without benefit of marriage to be her spouse. The word often used is Lord, but in my view no one is Ge’s Lord. They lived in peace for long eons, the world taking form, and then Ouranos and Ge began to produce the gods we would come to call Titans. The Titans are called that because of their size, but also because of their power, which was broad and earth shattering. In essence, the Titans made the cosmos itself tremble.
But Ouranos was a jealous God, and he refused to let these beings be born into the cosmos. Just as he had risen out from the earth, so too would they in order to be born, for the Earth was their mother. Ge trembled and bore her burden, but was pained by what Ouranos had done, and then she spoke to her children. She went to all her children, and of the males she asked for aid, but of them, only Kronos was brave enough to face his father. It would be a shameful deed, but one that must be done if the world was to change.
As always, Ouranos would come to Ge at night fall, his dark veil falling over the earth. As he came to her to bed her once again, he was attacked by Kronos, and in this he used the sickle Ge had provided to sever him from Ge forever. He took Ouranos’ balls, his potency, his manhood, and flung it into the Pontus (Which was the primordial sea, child of Ge) with this the Titans were able to emerge into the world, and with them the world would change forever.
In the Pontus, however, the genitals of Ouranos floated, and about them was a foam formed which drifted about until it came close to the island of Kypros (one of Aphrodite’s many titles is Kyprogenes) where she was met by the Horai (the hours or seasons) and upon setting foot on the island, grass grew below her feet.
The holy island of Cyprus is her birthplace.
I am reminded by this myth that the motions of the Gods are often easily traced by their myths. We find in this region that the Eastern goddess Astarte was very much like Aphrodite, another interpretation of her, who married the vegetation god Adonis, who Aphrodite would also become linked later. But I am also reminded that, in ancient times, and sometimes even in our own times and culture, sex and procreation can be a vicious cycle of violence for many.
Her birth, however, is one of purity, in spite of the violence that preceded it, and the Goddess herself is born pure of the sea foam and upon reaching the land, which is Ge, after all, her gift, and Ge’s reaction, is one of joy. Love was now in the world, and it wasn’t just an animal attraction, as might be inferred from Eros the primordial, but one that was giving and tender and which one could take joy in.
That Love would also lead to violence later seems far off here. The acts of Ouranos and Kronos were not based in love, even Ouranos’ marriage to Ge seems a forced one, after all Ge birthed him to be her spouse, he had no choice in the matter, and here is another echo of something long gone. An echo of a time when a mother chose the spouse of her son, no questions asked, no dissent allowed, and how man took that power away, castrating forever that man who would allow such a thing only to turn around and do it to women.
Myth is, if nothing else, about the echos of reality through time.
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