Monday, August 10, 2009

Back to Aphrodite...

One of the things I am having to deal with is this economy. A person like me can sometimes be almost immune to these economic downturns because, to be honest, I have no money anyway, but I have also had to deal with illness, and bills from hospitals that I cannot pay and government programs that are supposed to help people like saying no to me.

I am not going to take up this space to talk about universal health care or anything, but I do want to take this chance to talk about my mental health during these times when everything seems to have collapsed around me. In the online Hellenistic (we need a different adjective to differentiate between us and the Greeks, who are traditionally Hellenes) community, many people have seen me go through some rather whacky behavior. I have suffered from depression and mild bi-polarism since I was in my teens, and it often showed in the way I dealt with people.

Even after finding the Gods, I was a mess, but then I discovered the hindu and buddhist tradition of meditation and prayer as meditation (rather than simply speaking for the Gods to hear) and have learned to create within me a level of peace that is very different from anything I have felt before.

I don’t spend a lot of time in meditation, I don’t practice it the way a Hindu or Buddhist might, but I have learned to use what I have learned of it to force myself to focus and think, often by invoking a God to guide me in the process, and over these last five years I have become a much more peaceful person. I have learned to be outspoken, yet more considerate (still honest though, because I try not to be too much of a fake) and at the same time how to control the rampant emotions that have caused me so much pain in the past.

As I try to focus my attention on Aphrodite during this time when I am on her point on the star, I am reminded that there is one thing I need to meditate on that I have neglected. Self love. No, not masturbation, but actual love of myself. Exploring the things that I find are worth loving about myself and why. I am not sure how to do this yet, but I have to explore it, because I am being pushed to discover myself, and if I can’t discover what it is about that is worth loving, then what exactly is the point of all this?


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Best wishes with working through this with Aphrodite's guidance. I comment only a few times, but I check out your meditations often. Please keep them up. It's wonderful to read of others struggles and joys as they journey to know the Gods and Goddesses. Lovely post, by the way. Honest and raw.