Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Beginning my time with Aphrodite

I have to admit that this blog is running all over the place. The idea of it is, of course, self discovery and because of that I promised myself that wherever my ramblings took me I would just go with it. That was the whole point, that by trying to focus my thoughts on a particular god, I could cause whatever it was in me that resonated with that god to come to the fore.

Sometimes that meant that some gods, like Poseidon, seemed to only resonate on a single or limited level in me. Only some small part of me that reached out for that deity and its influence, but in some, like Hestia, I found myself discovering that I lacked a connection with the place I lived because my heart was still in that place I left behind. That while I had made this place my physical home, I had yet to make it my spiritual home. It was a discovery worth making because it is slowly forcing me to establish deeper roots here, deeper relationships here, and a deeper understanding of this place, even if not always for the better.

Aphrodite, however, is going to prove especially challenging. I am a gay/bisexual man. By that I mean that I am gay, exclusively, but have bisexual tendencies. I consider women attractive, sexy, but do not feel that emotional, visceral connection with them that would make me want them further than as friends. Often good friends.

Being a man, and a gay man at that, means that I owe a great deal of my being, my personality, to this deity. The deity of sexuality, of lust and love, of the raw physical force that is sexual desire. We men, for the most part, think about sex all the time. You women out there may think that odd, but you may also think that when we say that, or when studies show that, that we are just staring at you, or other men, and picturing our cocks sliding in, but that’s not really it. Sometimes it is a kiss, or the feel of your skin, or the warmth of your breath on our necks.

Sex isn’t always so vulgar (not necessarily a bad thing) sometimes thoughts of a sexual nature are sweet and powerfully emotional, and they make us feel things all the time.

We men are highly emotional creatures, we just don’t express it the same way women do, and expecting us to do so is, I think, one of the faults women have because we accept the way you express emotion, it is only fair that you accept the way we do too.

But, this is about Aphrodite, and she is a goddess of immense importance and power in human existence. From day one, even before we were sapient creatures, we were sentient (feeling) and that is where Aphrodite lives. In emotion.

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