Thursday, June 21, 2007

Meditations on the core...

So, the star points me to its center, and within that center, to the heart of the fire that is the human soul. Like all fires, that fire dies, and yet it burns brightly. Even at the end, that fire burns brighter than any star in the sky, for it burns with hope and tenacity brought about by the will that drives us to struggle to survive, even when we know we cannot.

As I grow into my forties, I find myself facing a distinct reality in my life, and that is that much of it has been wasted on a search for some external source of happiness. Dreams about wealth, sex, and more sex have cost me too much time. I have found myself in worship of the Gods, but have I sought them out in the one place that really matters, my own soul?

So, what does this mean to me?

This attempt to look at my own spirit from the two perspectives, from the inside out and from the outside in, will, I hope, give me a look at myself in a way I have, perhaps, neglected until now, and it has to begin where the star leads me, to the very center of my being, where the flame of my being connects with the flame of she who dwells with us. Hestia, the Lady of the Hearth, and it comes as no real surprise that I find myself confronting a being of immense power who we, usually, take for granted.

She is the protector of the home, and in so far as we carry home with us in our hearts, protector of man as well. And here lies a dichotomy, because in Hestia there is also safety in the four walls of our "home", be it a physical home or the walls we build around ourselves to keep ourselves safe from the outside world. Here at the core, I have seen the walls I have built, and have found myself suffocating within them. Pushing people away as they approach and perhaps lay hands on the wall, hoping to find a door, or even a window.

Those walls are not impermeable any more than the walls of your home are. They offer a false sense of security, and can come tumbling down on you as you hide away in safety. The Lady of the Hearth is warning me, I think, and as I seek to connect with her aspects in the coming days or even weeks, she will, I think, poke at me harshly as forces me to see myself as I really am, and how, perhaps, she sees me, and I only hope it is an imnage of myself I can live with...

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